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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald, The (Newspaper) - February 13, 1914, Lethbridge, Alberta THE FASHIONABLE PATIENT QI> yo-j ihinfe mitior with What: ,s olJ frk-cil iIluLvr. MJ a; I how le !o: 13 isH; alvui (ithtr UNNY SLIPS EO: to iv> lie sboaoJ iyouthful a ar.U Intimated lo him thai I! wuaM his ifivr II litf dU om'e Juring tbe j ivi-at Cor i iiir.e, iliun. 'a.? one of tho was In i of carrulu', TOUULIJ Ms father's Father shook. L> head, ignoring his son's ntouist-J j "Oh. laibot-----" Euaa nut ui' hi? har.U a ilgual i for Mm to quiet. faihf-r-----" -Slionco. j Tl-.? hoy JookvJ toward hi? j ut only smiled, and the gatii-t on, Whi'U he finished "Toiuruy cut again. 1 a haKirtunynorih. tv A r ot iHua'iiKT followed, and father wcin c-n with hi? dinner. Tiiln. iasil some cue. "Ill ray ibe for 'Si1'bey "shook. hU head sorrowful I v. "Yes: J JH-J toiler- alt my. Xvphtw: "Didn't you any 1'iK-U-: "No, You tvorcu wilh their NO NEED.TO.EXPLAIN IY wite te.> ber parse wiili it-to saI4 a'-i'l-lookics man WbHe "-gning or coming horupT" Inquired I say It had ?ome uiouey ii Tfas a tinyjitile maggot among father's answered the sad-looking nun, au everyone knpw when ehe- last it. QUITE APPROPRIATE ihe so often to ,oltongue A', an even hi? i my u taJy [o vr "Can you loll who la hat exceedingly plain young nnio sli- eg "Hi it I is uij1 was itiv rei'K. "Oh, I beg your panlou." she s.ilJ. i gK.-it nmfuBlou. "1 did r.o'. no'kc At a certala i-iHu-t-rl a lady asfctd a gcntl-.-nran how ce lifceil ihe duel just sung. "You sane; chunolug- y." was the rt-ily; '-'out Miy did you sfllct-l such a horrid piece ol "Sir, that WAS written by my Into was (he Indignant "Ah, yos. 1 dlil not why i you select siuh an ass to slug with you frtreamnl '.aily. -ThBt is my t SHATTERED peared" btfore 'ihe magistrate and rharsed wife with brutal and abn- His square-jawed with' a terniincd eye. the place, where" did you Vim, a'ccordiag to your ireateii you so dread the magistrate. "Well." replied the Kltlc man. mak ins a brare attsmpi io glare detranilj at hk wife, "I never did mret -Ivind-ot overtook v A G66p RRASQN.: Oil i ERr-" 'Jon nby, Vou'd fbet.n' -to sthooV.'V JcncBy 'a h happoo' carried horns, the an1 the :pagep- is nil aboui Jonah' an A %'ulcar foreign personage !only a months a man- ned to set hlrawlf invited to 3 bin. The nea--fiedaeJ marquis could contain-hTmseif for'Joy. and es: I proud st tvery pore." u.itiCJus around (he room he chacc ed to spy the tall, snsylar figure cf an-rtfier-ly-matron, with masticc her breath. She was tak- ing tne arqi-pt.-C' young sontleman. ''Who U thai said the liable lord to a gentleman na6iiT-goat is'.lie Duchess o wpiher .kid Tvho lier'juls arm. an3 "the wife o the olll' has the honor o 1 V.T.a certain in an attbnaams little 'chairman and'- a citizen' of 1 ;e siature, Tiie chairman had some Dlutiocj lo.'pass bscau by j ix-iK-fse'ntlng iha: and respectable" f-dthering i of voicrr. i J cited ine oiher man. "wej can't ibaC ain't ;trce._' U j j There's onfy tvro.of -f "You keep commanded" the wily chBincau; all ricbt, for VOH iare large aatl J ans respectable. You ust keep siih." So tlie wete passed with- ut further demur. STRING V N V N Jriahihan "talked Into a.cioihier' shop tbe-other day anil said: "Oi waut to get sonneihin' fcr niO'Jrn in' tlon't exactly, tno tbe toosiora is. What do they be -w-ESirin'. now for "It explained the "on hoy nrar the. relative for whom TOU 'wish to :hl3 iflark of rcipstl. a very near relative you .sboull liava an all b'ack suit For une not so near you may have a broad band of black on .the left arm or a one for somebody ajore oistanl." ORDERS TT was A stranger ibe "Sir." siM-.fe. lyoar teicon has "Your T_5Ay. is jhiwdeti 'In oV.i- I-! "But. really. I don't 'The etrulgencL- ot your irra- diator bas evanesced." "ily Oear feUoT. i-----" "The 'transversal ettcr latlons in your ir.i-andcsccnicr have uwn Jusl :hcn_a boy shouted: "HI, mister, your lamp's out." And tne cyclist understood. A. man recently set married and took a cottage, determined to enouelt vegeiablejs to heej> tho Household goine. He started 10 dig up the garden, and, after half-an-hour's :ard work- was aatonlshcd to ftnd a his feet. Then he dug wttli renewed ardor. Several pennies, a pence, and. threo balfiience lis effort. "Well! If tbis ain't a gold mine! he ?ald, digging away for all he was worlli. "I wonder wbat I'll find Ilis arms nciied, little beads of trlcliled down bis nose and hia neck felt as though it was hrcaVc ing. He could slick It out no longer lie his back at !ast vlll jrroan of pain and at the same In felt something cold ?I1diuE dowi his leg.. In a moment he had graspet ihe trutft. There was a hole trousers pcK-kelV THE WOMAN PSJS'l'AN'r tin.- nx-ui rUns " trf. Mr.... you're tVavin" I'.inds ot eiypt your ull] you'liave or llirec'r; Jlr? lllBgj: "Oh, Ilirec. I thlnkiiiij-'Ucar. 'ITs Mn a viry.sood'UEtnid." STILL ROOM v_ downstairs anJ ried the door sitting-room, only to find it'hcr, wbUs the was i usually in the Jock, was missing. can't g4: into the iining- she ciiwl; won't, fur.I.her th1 kay in my lioikct." J'Opea .tLt door .imnjedtaitly." "Vi'ill yez go in if 1 "Certainly I will." "Then yez won't get the kay-" "Open the door, I Wfaa: do yen "-Och! I? ttat 51 string. Ji's mo thin, Cioh'e.'you made since "your my Sam. "you Ikupiv 1 have no wuall vH-es or Iliad habits "at. all. you kiiow -tlh'at you have imlticcA uie io stop carJ- smoking and ilrlnking and ibbing out at antl everything Uisc'l used lo iblnk that 1 waniod-to Yes, my clear." iinsu'ored Mrs. Stern- 'Wife; "but it sometimes seems lo uiu llfiat yoa read Uie adveitiKenients cf liquors and cigars with a sinful satis faction. It would be better for you if you should sternly, re TO shun in hereafter" [JAiid poor Samuel shrank farther ant farther into ihe nice nccr tiouso-coat that she iiad -nadt for him from her old dolmen. SKIMP'S JOKE _Jt'i liy ionr can orders. Just yesicrday ye saiii, 'Don't le; me'; come dowoatalra in the morning nr.' e who luen iver iTiK Iwsik'in i i v.Vrci oil u-aitirtj for you. molor Isn't hurt a liit.1' see any dtist on ihe sittiTig roonj funji- tUTtf.' So J j pocktt, an'. i YES I more Doastful than stic- once joined a near-hunttag 'vjpediiion. During the bunt, as thib was redting by the slfie of a rock jancl talking to another hunUr, Lu re- jmarked: "If thtre's anything T dote on. It's Ibear. A slice of bcar-sleais, nkcly lone, Just perfectJ" "Wdir" his cbrar'aTilon. looking up, "I'm hanged it there isn't bear The man who -'liottd on bear" looked saw an immense.grizzly on tor of The rof-'if, gave'a yell And a leap Into tlifi woodi and tllsajipeared. His -ompanion srvin overlook him, ar.d IRISH AGAIN 'TIIK IrisitHian.waa relatiug lo some fricnda Toronto one night on reHring lo bed he fancied bo a ehostr and havins revolver handy he tired at Kelt-morning be esamlnwl the o'jject he had shot and discovered H to be his "What dM ex- rialrr.til one of tlic, "Bedad. I jusl thanked llw vtn t wasn't Inside ov re- Piled Paf. BUILT-J 588 PEACE ONLY E youuB tijan and the girl were slaudlus omsicic the front door, laving a linjl cliai- attflr hli evening He was Ironing agnlnEt Ihc door talking in low Presently Uc youug lady round lo dis- cover lier falher In Ilie dooru'ay, clad n a "Why. .lallicr, in Ihc world Is he she said the father, addressing jitnselt 10 Ihc young jnau, "you I have never complained about your staying late, and I am not going lo complain of that now; tat for good- ness sahe.stdji loaning against the telf- h, and let the rest ot the family fume sEcep1." agt'il RATHER HARD A8P1T: "Vis. salrt lo the iiijltlve as he eamc up.: "Why, I though you liked tn "Well. I do." said the runaway, "bill for t cbaritaWe ad." that one ain't done a sclf-insde niyn. 'AVtll. I miul say: you are cntltk-U io a great deal of credit always gf.-UIng out of repair, and I n.iirally imlnigc'd in a llttln break- nW'jt onro a -XCC'A in order to iary an otherwise inorioiono'is cxU- it snorted Us way into the broad stream of traffic, when ihcrc was a sudden u-hlmng of whriclSj a inap, ind (he weary and wurn tame io a dead stop. saljri the voliteman lo tiie drivfT, "Mils kiri'J of thine oc- curring too ofKn. sec, what's tlic nnmtcr? oE bantam re mariicd when the con- turned to pouiiry, "T have a i en whoso eggs, arc so small Hiat 1 ,jut three dczen or ifiem in a' collar- tot other day.'' "Give him tho Ananias Club shouted the rest in dioriif. any of you gentlemen money illi svlilch to batk-your doubts of my "I have a couple of rcniltd "So have "CJood CTioush' I'll t'OVf-r nl lllOSC bClLli." "Very -A-cll, Nov.- us ilioi-'; c IK? iia ihal collar-box." "Well. ,r can if you lu! rhaiia li may noi b-.- it's Yun dun" do "Xot a( all. Siui nicr.-: THE JACK-ASS au election in Can- adn a young man shouted out, "Jim-rail fov An old ninn wlio present, intending to put him down, ex- claimed, "Hm-rah for a Jack- Rw3 "Ail said Uic young uian, "we siiall not quarrel over such s'nall mailers. You can. hurrah for your favorite can- dldflie.'atnl I shall do the same for (jlk-crve that it I put the eggs Wiui difticuli.i :na'.i .omproinipCHt. finri i ithat ihc next hrcak d tost Mm life. y wlsli to e TAMETURKEY Heaven o! TMEWINNEK who in uf Hit fart iiurrif behind. "TJja( ain't tmnj Lor. That's'the year it was TRUE STRATEGY Tlit yo-Jiis husband would pic- fcircd to ic-tnnin at hSs wife nttterwlsc Jiicllr.p'd. and to rUasu In- nrranst'l stay .i for tlic' summer Nearly every nlghi, uilcr dinner, llic hu-VanJ -hovered aroumi [ho parlfiranil mnnag'd to secure the lOnno stool as a chair. -I cfln't unilc-rstand, paid his -ifo one cvenhig, "why you always ;it tlie pinno. when you linop-' you can i lnj1 a "Alia." replied the husband knoR- (ugly, "and neither can anyone else, my love, as long as I am THE MODERN YOUTH >o'.i lj "Tl.v- ru'iioji. my LT. HoiVI ytm Vjvy- T. ilh the "Ard don't jau 1 fjiiv: lo vi. I GKN'TLKMAX who was buying a froni old I'ncle Kphralni him, in making ihc j-iirchaw, H: uas a tame tifrki-y. 'Oil. yafs, si] i it's a tarnc I'l'kny all :rk'ljt." Kphraiui. arf: son sure-Us a "Oh, Fir; no so't o1 doubt I dat. H's a tu'Uy all rlgbt." 1 He coHsoiucnMy bought Ihc lansl 2 dav or tv.o later, when c.illug Hi. t'.-vtral shot. I-atf'r on. {v-hHi he old Kpiirain on the B'.reel IK Mid: "Well. Kphrnlrn, you fold illicit wris n lame turkey, but I found bhot In it whr-r I was eating It.1' "Oh, rial a tarnr; tu'key all v.-n I'ticle reitfrated re- jjlinl'-r, li-jc de lin.-ri, JVc gwine :-j Id) jr-r in r'nf 't-rc 'itM lijtcndtd fur DIC." iMlfi youth had got Into s'n.h J a vflVlVir ff tliaLljh iioiigljt IjcUcv to him to CVhmla. to get him av.siy Iroin ojd and UouMfiiJ il" Jh his departure.sOoirid bim Lf-s-, Itmorifaid. ncru litii. They his In unre- slraSncd terms. of R'TiialKy, of his good address :ni-l ablUlXi and all virtues j'pat few Tiion'lutvc hul many (C'-t Hie c'rerlH for.. When tho young mnn read fhc (csli- ...oniAla'.hc turned to bis father and c-jeclfllmcd: I'm lulled! T had no Hen j-iftpln. Itioiiffh: ft ni'Kb of nit. Anil "iiy.v I knci'-r mmh Jlifiy Ilk" JILO'. 1'ru 1C I'll 3' I ;