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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - April 10, 1913, Lethbridge, Alberta . ^ WA.a EOitW BEAT TBBBS. '"T^HBRia you go, Henry., Tou'v� dro^pea the ''bucket anfl spilled coat all over the cblfa;':floor again'' t never isaw.subh a careless mani Now yott^get rlsfht down op'yotir hands and linaeV ttnd"i>lok" ui> eVery Tjlt dt that BOttll;'My griodness, with coal bo high w^ ckn't afford' to' lose; ao inuoh as a cin'tito! As It la, I don't know what on ^rih we're golnif to da to keep ,tho jfouse warm tills winter!" wife." meekly isugge'stod the object of; this lenifthy tlr�.^, i "we,, might-er-utlU�ie, your :tVmper. you ktiow!" "i -^- NO NEED OF IT. ':T AM-a self-made man, I am." > -"Wftll, 1 think tljere la ona tblnn ..vou ^needn't wpi^y about." "What Is that?" V'X^Vlng out a patent." rs:: that; Perkins ohap who calls on Xb� Verylnteljilgent?" ''iittelll{rent7:r,Why,' ha portun H\ -^^ ; ^'."^JSVlif BE mBDBJi. ifWksa? OimCB boy: 'o-yoa heor? soon we f h?iH be able, to get anything by merely touojilngf a button." -;">Pmph|" grunted her nusband. ^rwiid evw Indues you to touch a b'lttonl Look aty my shirt!" , . ;.-:?^i.-' "mb BAw:' ^feEsgTUBiai. \(ras annoyed by a '.'tiian In the audience who Insisted dii'isaiiig and'asking questions. "P^tfdOwn;: you ais." said a second manV'jumpfng up. >.. VSit down you, .itoq,'- cried a third nian|,*"you are both asses." ' '.!There seem to be plenty of asses aljo^t to-m^bt;".. put In the lecturer, cal'jnjly; Vbiit for: hp^ven's sake let us liea^.v One. at ;a, time." "fe'ell, you. go. olj then," said the first mnan: resuming his seat. ' V ' tbb 'duel. mHB.two cats were bitter rivals. At Jla'st they met tace to face and pretjared to fight-it out, 'B(jlt us "have: an: understanding ere we bp^in," said; one- ' "As'to what," replied the other. "IS It to.:bc ftduiBl to the death, or FhaU^we makQ,;lt the best three lives out Of fiver , PAYt, OB PUnidOITS. |0|B was a North Country small tradesman who had just sot up business^for himself, and it was hi� deftrest ambltioj^ to restrict his cus-tonjoM to paying cash, and that prowtitly. But, alas! there were a goo*? numy good S9uiii who insisted on takitig.out 6redit books. .. HS. bri^tttt - to feel very keenly that this so^ of.thing,must ba stopped before It "Vont too fdr. so he posted up the following, notice ju3t Inaide the door of hia �hbp; where all oouid read: "Pleasfe. dbti't: aak for credit, as a ro-fueal Often iftffends." afut,';,ala's.'. this delicate hint direct had . ho i ^effect whatsoever,. and the stpug^l)jlK..:h��aU trader nearly tore his hair in vekatlon. Next; mo'frilng this notice took llio p>aoe>pf the former; "The names and addresses Of .all those who buy goods at this shop and don't pay for then can b^ viewed in the credit 'ejger Xrr the sUm of'five cents." . Thfe;*eflulj;,,wa� -little phort. of mli-aoulo^s.'-:;''The curious paid their nl�kel6,,Ty^tJ� avidlty,^Ju9t to see who owed-fand.J,nijWe. a -rteek eve.-j' debtor had pald:h'l8'account In Anil. EXJOXi^lie^ LIE'S AT LABT. J ONES'had bfJen working bo hard and wopi-ying so muoh that he broke down and went out of his mind. They sent him to an'as^Itim for the insane. 'I'berQ .'he w'ds VlBlied several weeks later by;his toi>loy6n who found Jones slttins;^on thd poi'Oh'Smoking a pipe and evidently enJoylngr"KimseIf. "H^lo, Jonebl 'dlTad to see you looking BO wetlf How- are you feeling?" "Flke.; Couldn't bft better,'' "When: are, you'^^^coming back to work?*' - , - , J "What?'! ^-epllcd;. >Iones. "Leave a great; biit home U^e.this; and a garden e^nd lots- to; eat, iu^'/,to coma-back to workTv'Say, do. you^.thlnk I'm oi'azy?" DISAPPOINTED tSMALL VISlTOft! "And where do yoti^k?^P the mince-pies?" , ' St. Peter: '^e haA^e none here," , S. V. (disappointedly): "Oh! I thought thi8 wa� Hteaven!"-The Bystandw. ' ' � Booyom. i jnjp^Y T^as feeling geJieroiJiB, ''pv ^"onoe, . _ - \ . '. 'I."Do'you want to go to the opera tq-morrow night?" , ^ stfoul^ like to," replied'h'ji, -wi^g, pp^t^dly, "but r will have to get soin'e-thlfig'to wear.',' "bh. well, let's ^ go to a moviti^ ,i;>iQ-ture_8h(iw lnat,ead." i , f " '\- � A GOLDEN,pm. . ;j_,,!iutraa bis^.fiflend. /'Xi?? 'If,rf|9�?J'';t�.7��'' wa.u?J^tl9 n50,*n-m-^ riTrhy^ain'ij ahe got,.ftJ,T?b|^e, ro?| Snd^ncfq-^flQves?" ' ''  J .-%!/' muttered Bni,/aS:he gr^/jted iVanpip^lyr.X'She alBLt ^pt,nu�lBi' to apVBjlVitJ'' She's mei ^owirthJ'l ^ SAVING. TIiyiE '>'4> % V lore, Ned, look if yw can -Mn�?'3il�na't6wn. 335wa8 wanplfy ^wllbolqfoa by'the loeal l^4er,.'kho gf^jP&dJWs hpd and said: ; �'M^e y^^uyself rig.h? ai hb^^, ajrl po,'',you,fcnow all thegji > ge;*t?w�oa7, Thti 1^ Mr. Scales, insjebto^pf welgp:^^' a|�a,kt(V�^wreB; apd Wn^QravSa,' 'undertaker:' an'd this; is J^r'i lopkmith; ft5^^tp|piK; -Btone masgp^iapi^lsgl^) ;the urn fihe. "yoiTw-ia^'oiieof i &.1' ^ould ">iV =,�Lj:i ' . * ' ,> j^^qOKHOW?|!lB. was telling the Other' day how: a girl, recently ^^rrie^ tojq, oolleague of bla on the fcjtoha'i^e, suspected 'tljai hej-h'uitbana had-been Inijulging too freely in !{h�.qu')P,^that/'cheers. ?he .detOf aj^lj^ed to''find oijt beyond dpubt>he-' tber hep su^jaldcbs-wore wbll foupd,ed.; To a f^^itd.Bbe ,�!dnfid9d 'the soUK'.e of h^r'tpjuble? ^d'frbm tills'Mend Jefi4�4'%afi^.haa .^aways been EARhy BIRD. "T^yHAT timo 1.9 breiUiffiBt on?" Inquired Farmer Summit, after registering. "From 8 to 10," replied the hotel clerk. "Gosh, you're la-/-y 'round here. How'll I put in the four hours before breakfast?" AND be DID. "mEY, wttitor," ordered the customer, who seemed to be in a tremendous hurry, "gimme a ham sahd-wloh.'* "Sure," answered the waiter, ll^tipg the covor from the glass plate. "Aat It, or take It with you?" The man grabbed the sandwich. "Both!" he said. IN DESPERATE NEED "Y^ON'T ye pleosfi hurry, mister? He's got my skates on!"-London Opinion. the terrible test. "T)ABLING," cried the young man, OS lie sank at the maidcn',g feet, "I would do anything to prove my love for you!" "That's,what every man says when' ho wants to win a girl," ansSverod the young lady harshly. "Can't i move ybu?" panted The desperate Romeo. "Prove mo! Put me to tlie test! Test me, I pray you!" "I wonder!" whispered the la.dy softly to herself, while a blush mantled her pale cheeks. Then suddenly bending over the almost swooning youth who crouched at. her test, she exclaimed: "I will put you to the; test!" ;:.�,��:� "Ah!" The youth :sprang, to )i)s feet, exultant, .triumphant, and cried aloud to the maiden at his slde:"Your test? Your test?" '�:;.:;'".,'.:..:;� ; : "'Tls to marry some other fflrl.'f murmured the swcot young thins, tfs she glided backwards through the vol-, vet curtains Into the twU;room. ,. ob, prunes. "j^ie you any, good at dates?" asked the man with the poor memory,:''' �"No," replied tlie ^man. with'the poor' digestion, "but thanks to my>boarding-house experiences I'm very well ao-; qualnted with prunes.'!.: THE FALL OF MAN ,0X1- Irl Irrto tears' and verified; . 'Baip',tha?t^i' . '"I I?MJdM'.?hfm'thl^.lI(rt."'pha.S8tfl, beitWMi^'^bptJpimto?i,fron\ her ppckflt a piUM�t.,whl�;fe.8?? ?ftVe to h?^ jfr^^jjd. knU ;'i!fhl^7 pontain?? ih^foliovinst gorwnaiflg, kntmontltthtsm, pseuBaath- "Ai�aX\'>fi?;'"09n�nii�d, while her fri�nd reartha'Uijt. "ita bungled nearly halt M il>^,," ^'^OMEORT. I Sata \r^Bj^%,Myr'X^0irf/ov^n, and, bMawe Of iher \, , , DOWN^ IN Pl^ONTl" ' "T ItA,V�,>deoicled,"r?a)d ,young^Sap"-Uoigh, seriously, "to begin shaving.'; ,"In,that. case,'.', 8h�i f^dvistdi/'yoii' should follow'tha^''old hunler*^s rule. "And tha,^ Is?" - ' ' "First caH'youf hare!". love's yovn&NlfaHTMARE. �n^'WAS the festive season, and the .�snow swept mercilessly Into their faces as the youngiman and maiden turned the corner of the sji'eeit, 'Did you get any In your.ey?8, darlr Ing?" he asked fondly, drttwlng hen^ closely to him. "Y&s. sweetheart," shft murmured; s�archuig for hep elusive handlrtr-chief. * "Which eye, beloved?" he presaadi.S;. "The right one, lovey! :Dld yoU |;eit^ any In yours ?'" "Yea, dear ing the same chief that she had used. - i, "How sweet!" she pxclalmed, ";^nd, yours was in the right ey^, too! Ali!,' she /thrlllad^"dD have been" part of snow that got In c- > '.. , "I hope It was!" he exclaimpd,';-feii-,'ii ^ "-^ vently, bllnklnif a -pleasurable bea,mA- wlth his good eye. "Wouldn't It be lovely,, love?' cried. "Oh., 1 'And �1.11- r-.*�{7:.!:.r^.M-rTV'.q-'.r.-jr;7,f^^ pain, and from the house pi!j[)fa8|,tp,^|;.* _ . heart I" he: responde' le corner of the handker-',- you suppose'It cQUltf , of the baAio piecfvof , .-.i n our eyes'?"  '.. �- : Vl .e?" she , love, wpuldn't Itf, he ipK|t�%� the wind howlod eM t/ipt;ffh'Jn , ^ ,____, and from the house oJipfaslte fc* '1 'Vote."! for -Wcmen" board^ f4|K Wl.lj|ii"S. '"Sn" ohUalrj quite dead qmong us? And yet," he added, "I could tell you of^^a' man who never* pnce p^al^ ,l.n -jmH||i^^ word to his mother-in-law, who nB^Pl had the" bad taste to complain abo^^^ her actions to his friends, wip neiYq^ ..,�.�.�:...S,..-.v,Vv,.,.,>->,..**ft*-|g^^ "So can I!" interrupted'Patjr;, Th^ magl8tre^ta_,hesltated.;|V . And If >ou �v\ant his name. |,tan-" tlnued Pat, "It's Adam!"  "That's nothini5'-;;Jp'on(jfr"sav^,|i b|SS({,V raise a HiVOrhuudrea-pound-'ffla�r''J;h;�f3ij' feet-ln theajifl" ' . , , ^1^-1' ."maAT .Ciig;a,r?ti e I Just hanaed,,i�a�rs^a camn/'fiom Constantinopio ^ll!l9IJ^^jjlffl the ,�fehting;'b?8;an" , "Why didn't ym tr I m^ b^or�'\l Ilt'*j-,!^ If However. I'll snvo wjiaf^ I^ti'^^S^^ , "rhN MB\ * 1 you a cornpllmeiit .to^day^'t'dej^i^i^^^ ,^'^w||t^fSe'8ay7 ' OAffl l.,;a >�� ^-"-fe;," _____________________________________ _A______________ A'^^ ;