European Stars And Stripes Newspaper Archives Dec 26 1999, Page 48

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European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 26, 1999, Darmstadt, Hesse Infomercial captures the inner Caveman Tony i feel so ashamed. Last night i was innocently watching a Quality movie on television Bikini biker babes from the beyond i thought i was on pcs but in Hindsight i guess i Wasny to when an infomercial came on. I should have looked away but it was too late. The next thing i knew a Telephone was in my hand and i was ordering Kitchen cookware. God help me. I bought the Ronco Showtime rotisserie amp bbl. What a piece of hardware you could roast a Doberman in there i Felt Gleeful. I Felt liberated. A you bought something from Ron Popeil a my Friend Nancy asked. A a you re Kornheiser a try a a in a not kidding a i said. A a in a 50 years old. In be missed out on mister microphone and the pocket Fisherman and dammit in a not going to miss out on this. It can Cook four chickens at once a i told this to Man about town Chip Muldoon and he asked a do you have a need to Cook four chickens at once Are you opening up a carry out i think you be crossed a line Here. Soon you re going to Wake up in a Motel next to Tanya Harding. Did you get the Ginsu knives too a a you bought this item on impulse right a Nancy said knowingly. A How big is it How hot does it get can you regulate the temperature does it have a timer you done to know the answer to any of these questions do you a details i did no to expect her to understand. Ronco is a pay thing. Take the Ronco classic the inside the egg scrambler. A woman would ask How hard is it to scramble an egg by yourself of course its not hard to scramble an egg. The Point is this baby scrambles an egg inside the Shell Here a the Deal with cooking there a something about watching food Cook in a rotisserie. That turns a Guy on. Men like looking through Glass and seeing some action. I looked at that rotisserie on television. I saw meat turning around sizzling glistening dripping a and i said a be got to have it Quot a of course you did a Nancy said. A a it a boar on a spit. Its the Cave Man in you. You re encoded. This Gizmo is the perfect Confluence of a Many a interest Large slabs of meat cooking in something that looks like a to a i have said it better myself. A a you la use it once and never again Quot Nancy warned. A once is Fine. In be always wanted to make restaurant Quality prime rib at Home a i said. A restaurants done to Cook prime rib in a rotisserie Tony. They use an oven. There Are no Ronco products in what not even the electric food Dehydrator that a makes great beef Jerky a and is a Ideal for camping and hikers a or the Popeil pasta sausage accessory package where a one Load feeds four a i told my Friend Tom about my Purchase. He was ecstatic. A you know what a Beautiful about a rotisserie a he said. A you just Rig it turn it on and stand Back. It satisfies a Many a most pressing culinary need a you can drink Beer while you Tom looked at the picture of my Ronco reverently. A of course you know there a no Way in a million years this is actually going to work a he said. A have you seen it in a store a a a it a not available in stores a i said. A of course not. Its probably made out of tin Ohye of Little Faith. You can scoff All you want. But when you have a super bowl party and your life will be ruined if you can to rotisserie four chickens at once you la be calling and begging to use my Quality Ronco product. When i ordered the rotisserie the operator did no to want me to Stop at just one. She read from a prepared text of Ronco offers and began each new item with the words a Iron wants you to like we were buds and he was in a generous mood. I was offered marinades rubs meat Racks vegetable trays thermometers discounts for cd movie rentals a nasal hair remover live iguanas answers for the Law boards in a pretty sure i heard the words a time in the end she told me i could get $30,000 Worth of stuff for $29.95. A no a i said. A but give Ron my Best and Tell him we should do lunch sometime. Rotisserie Chicken maybe a _ to find out More about Tony Kornheiser and read features by other creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the creators Syndicate web Page at . . The website for government employees of All kinds where you can take advantage of free email and informative resources. It s an on line Community to connect with old friends and make new ones. But most importantly you have the convenience of discount online shopping it s the Best of the web with one Click. Because you deserve it and because you re in the club log onto , you re part of the government you re part of the club

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All newspaper archives for December 26, 1999