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Cedar Rapids Gazette (Newspaper) - December 8, 1974, Cedar Rapids, Iowa Needed: Understanding, Respect (Continued from Page I A) process, one may have to get (0 know himself better and modify demand* placed on others.” Sieh said a healthy child-parent relationship is just as possible today, he thinks, as ever. ‘‘I set' many happy families and I see people putting together good relationships after problems.” He thinks there may have been a societal shift in the last year or two that allows a chance for better parent-child relations. “As we have seen, the anti-establishment forces don’t have the answers either.” Sieh says it is no more difficult to be a parent today than it was ten years ago, but 20 to 30 years ago was a different matter. More Consensus In 1930s ‘‘In the 1930s,' he said, “there was more societal consensus as to the ingredients of good family life. Some time after World war ll, there began to Ik* more options, more skepticism and cynicism about the good life." Then too, he observed, concrete problems such as the Depression and World war II brought people and families together, in affluent times, you have to search for your goals. ” What, in Sieh’s view, is the most common error made by a parent? “Presuming what we expect of our children is reasonable,” he replied, Children should bt* consulted more in the things that affect them, he said. “The school is powerful in teat lung them to observe, think and test hypotheses.” And the most common error of children? ‘They don’t, in problem situations, give their parents credit for any desire to change so there will be understand ing. There is always this cynicism about parents.” Sieh noted that adolescence is a difficult period for many children. Childhood is over and self-awareness is setting in. The life task is now to become an adult. He said some parents may be under stress with their teenage children because they are subconsciously reminded of the problems they had during this period. Adolescence can be a time for interesting things and opportunities, he said, but those comfortable during these years usually have parents “who pretty well washed out the effects of their owti adolescence. ” Can a child and parent, split by hatred. e\er hope to restore love and respect for one another? “lf a situation has built up for several years, then it will take a long time to recover lost ground,” Sieh explained “The sooner a parent and child realize they are on a bad track, the better. Healing Process Can Be Long “In some eases, the healing process must go beyond the level of new information and involve unlearning and relearning to get rid of habitual notions and produce a neutralization of feelings “The first order of business,” he said, "is to clarify whether or not the parent and child care for one another at all. If they do not or cannot, it is then perhaps better to turn to outsiders for help. ” Claussen said the communications problem is really a reflection of the lack of parental knowhow. “Parents get no wrapped up in the business of society they neglect the business of learning to be a parent. "Consequently, when a child responds other than in total obedience, the parent often doesn't know how to respond. They respond with anger or muteness. And, so the barriers begin to come up. “There is more negative reaction by the child and the communications block keeps building." That lark af communication and association. Claussen he Ilexes, has resulted in more child-parent alienation today. In addition, he sees changes in the importance of religion in family life and the general moral fiber of the nation as having a great deal to do with any breakdown in family life. “We have seen difficulties in both church-going and unchurched families, but the investment in religious parenthood isn’t there as it used to be. ” Smith said in the two years he has worked with families, “I would have to say the parents were not responsible people in most cases where there have been child problems. “This is not to say they (parents) are bad people,' but I really hold parents accountable for what happens. Parents generally create the situations in which children have to respond.” Smith said some people are not able to be an effective parent for a certain child. “All have roles in the family, and sometimes a child is given the bad-kid rule. You are the bad kid, so you have to live it out.” He believes many parents are trapped by certain ideas of what they should be. His suggestion is to guard against being rigid “And parents, I think, are caught up in rapid social changes and it is difficult to keep up with ‘what is a good parent today’.” Smith said schools and churches must pay more attention to educating parents; in understanding what a child is about. “It is not enough to just take certain mural injunctions into child rearing, but there is a need to really understand.” “We train people to be welders, to lay bricks, but no one teaches anything about being a parent And most people are parents for about 25 years, and really don't have any idea of child development.” He Emphasizes Consistency Smith emphasizes consistency in dealing with children “It is better to be* always straight-laced than straight-laced one day and libertine the next The worst thing is to give a child double messages." Dr. Williams was head of the family institute at Eastern Michigan university near Detroit before moving to rural Anamosa. The fact he made such a move, he noted, speaks for his belief that a rural environment is a better place for his children to grow up than an urban one. “In metropolitan areas there are kids who really aren't sun* what daddy does for a living,’ he said, In rural areas, they can look out the window to see what he does. BOX-KAR HOBBIES 1000 Seventh Avenue, MARION • 377-9910 9:30-7 MON. TUES., THURS., FRI. 9:30-5:30 WEDNESDAY 9-5 SAT. A NOON-4 SUN. TYCO® SLOT CARS REG    $0    33 $4 50    NOW O A LAYAWAY NOW FOR CHRISTMAS A “I think It's in large part a question of time spent to nether, not only with parents and kids, but in marriages. Too often there Just isn’t enough time spent with one another.” He also points out the importance the extended family plays in rural areas. Not only is there substantial parental contact, but added .support from grandparents and other relatives. All agree* that there seems to be more acceptance in recent years for families to seek outside assistance when trouble comes. Claussen said Ins agency is doing much more family counseling than in the past. “I think families are seeking outside help because it is now okay to do it. Bt fore, the knot k-down batties simply led to total disintegration “It has been slow in coming, but there is growing sanction by society that it is okay for families to ask for outside help — be it from the pastor, a relative, or agency.” Lutheran Home Finding Society has started a new course, open to both couples considering marriage and those already married and parents. It is called a parent effectiveness training course. Claussen noted that several churches have tried pre-Cana or other pre-marriage courses, but that some couples have iM*on affronted by such programs. “But we must examine what marriage really means and what parenthood really means," said Claussen. “Matchbooks tell us to dose before striking. You get instructions for operating a typewriter, a stapler. There are driver training courses. “We have had the false assumption for years that biology equals ability to parent." Sieh said some parents may be comfortable in talking out a family situation with a brother or sister. “I see no objection to seeking help on this level." He too sees a trend of families see king help from a third party. “American society has laid it on parents that they should be big successes. Instead of sin king help, some have simply resolved: “Gosh, I’m a big failure.” Many Groups Busy With Bible Projects LONDON (AP)—Bible so-    Bible society. The great ma- cieties around the world are    jority of the projects are in presently concerned with 617    the Asia, Pacific and Africa scripture translation projects,    regions First translations an increase of 46 since 1972,    account for 358, or 58 percent, says the British and Foreign    of the projects. No more Garbage A grset Christmas 9IM (Sure, we’ll even gift wrap yours) Model 77-CT.S5. IN-SINK-ER ATOR Model JM-S5I.RS*    Disposer * 1*1 un Instillation anil Tax Washburn Plumbing Co. New Location: 415 2nd St. SW Phono 362-7453 Siege Is Real For South Americans Kin ions By Martin Moreynolds BUENOS AIRES (I PI) - A state of siege with the possibility of arbitrary arrest is a grim everyday reality for millions of citizens of South America. Argentina became the latest addition to the list of countries under a state of siege last month President Maria Es-tela (Isabel) Peron issued a decree suspending constitutional guarantees indefinitely in the face of persistent political violence that has killed more than 180 persons this year. Neighboring Chile has been under an extreme version of the state of siege ever since the armed forces overthrew Marxist President Allende in September, 1973. The Chilean military junta considers the country in a stale of internal war; a nightly curfew is in force, congress has been suspended, political activities banned and labor unions curbed. In Uruguay, special security nu asures similar to a state of siege were adopted in 1969 to fight the Tupamaro guerillas and have been strengthened since. The government has been a virtual dictatorship since President .Juan Maria Bordaberry abolished congress in June, 1973, with the support of the military. In Brazil, the tough military government in power for more than Kl years has imposed strict press censorship, banned all but two political parties and exercised broad power to jail citizens suspected of subversive activities. A state of siege has covered part of Paraguay almost constantly since 1931. Bolivia emerged July 28 from a six-month state of siege but President Gen. Hugo Banzer declared a fresh period Nov. 7 in the face of an uprising in the city of Santa Cruz. Unlike martial law. the state of siege does not put the country under military government but it means the citizen loses the normal legal recourses against arbitrary arrest and seizure. Kill; ions 2 JC otic SexQeled Sandals BY SIGNALS* makers of merry mules* THE ORIGINAL GEM I Gift him with Famous Name Sportswear Be dazzling for the coming holidays! 11.00 Jeweled sandals, especially right for the holidays. Scalloped straps with square cut, multi-color gems hand-set in delicately etched mountings. Foam cushioned insoles, matching heels. In gold or silver. Cedar Rapid* Downtown Third Floor and Lindale Iowa City Mali Shopping Center at Si* an Sycamore Natural Go-Togethers Isotoner Gloves and Casual Tote JOEL LONG SLEEVE SPORT SHIRTS These famous Colifornia-made shirts are of comfortable weight polyester. Solid colors, navy, brown, natural, tan, dark green or burgundy with top stitching for accent. Sport shirts are available in sizes small to extra large    18    OO    20    OO DAMON LONG SLEEVE TURTLENECKS Famous name brand turtlenecks of solid colored rib knit. Fully cut for comfort. Machine washable for easy care. Choose from white, natural, black, navy, green, brown or light blue tones to add to your piesent wardrobe Medium to extra large    16    OO Cedar Rapids: Downtown Street Floor and Lindate Plata Iowa City: Mall Shopping Center on Sin at Sycamore 13.50 DRIVING GLOVES I LOO VINYL HANDBAG Nylon and leather gloves have Iso-massage*1 oction that relaxes hands. One size fits all. Block or camel solids. Navy with bone or navy with camel tones. Roomy tote has 3 zipper compartments and double handles. Black, navy, beige, red, tan or bone shiny vinyl. Cedar Rapids; Downtown Street Floor and Lindoie Plata Iowa City: Mail Shopping Center on Six at Sycantare THI KILLIAN COMPANY, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52409. Jean Joyce, Personal shopper. Please send me the following _. . ...... .. of Please include 3% state solos tax and 75c for postage and handling. Name ......................-    -.................-    -    .    - Address . ............................................... City ________     *--- .    Stote ......  Zip........ □ Cash    □    Charge    □    Check Acct. No....................... "fti" rinOii. i ii'xii ;

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