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Cedar Rapids Gazette (Newspaper) - December 8, 1974, Cedar Rapids, Iowa My Favorite jokes by Mickey shAnp . TV will never replace the newspaper. You'll never see anyone carrying a TV set over his head in the rain. • Las Vegas is a town where people gamble money they haven't earned to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like. I learned how to make a small fortune in Las Vegas—go out there with a big one. • Some observations: Funny, if you tell a person there are 203,542,746,109,000 stars in the universe he will believe you. But if you put up a sign, "Wet Paint," that same person has to make a personal investigation. *ZIPPO windproof lighters /are guaranteed* to make agreat Christmas gifts. - EDITOR'S NOTE: "/ am constantly striving to do on the spot things, always looking for a surprise reaction from the audience. It gives me something to bounce off of and often lends itself to a solid, running gag. Even in my established routine I try to keep the feeling of spontaneity." And, Mickey Sharp sums up this description of Ins kind of comedy when he says: "Call it 'hip-hoke'—a little on the way-outside and a lot in the middle of the road." Mickey has appeared in clubs across the country, was one of the pioneer performers on the Playboy circuit, where he still performs frequently, and is a top attraction with the entertainment-oriented Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines. He says: People make strange statements when they are traveling by ship for the first time I heard one passenger say edgily to an officer: 'Sir, 'he ship is moving!' He replied calmly: 1 hat is the only way we will get to San Juan in the morning, Madame f One thing I love—the food is really great on ship. You just eat and eat. I hen, when you get back home, you discover the salt air has shrunk your Lighters shown, $ 4.75 to $6.75 Precious metals to *560.00 ’guaranteed to work always, or ZIPPO will fix them free! Zippo Manufacturing Ca Bradford, Pa. 16701 In Canada: Zippo Mfg. Ca of Canada, Ltd. I saw a TV psychological Western—the horse cracked up. a Kids reflect what they learn on TV. Teacher to 7-year-old: "Who was Lincoln?" Seven-year-old. "Mercury's partner." a Teacher: "How much is two and two?" Kid: "Channel 4." a The class was discussing planets and meteors. Teacher: "What do you call a star with a tail on it?" Kid: "Mickey Mouse!" a People seldom think alike .. except when they're buying wedding presents a One Cub Scout to another: "Let me give you some advice. The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one stick is a match." a A hospital is a place where friends go to talk to other friends of the patient. a This country has at least 350,000 laws trying to enforce 10 commandments. a My wife believes &at Teddy Roosevelt was the greatest President the U.S. ever had She lives by his every word. Every time she enters a department store her first word is "Charge!" a In New York the worst problem for me is parking my car I drove around the block six times looking for a parking space. On the seventh trip I drove into a used car lot and sold the darned thing. clothes." Here are some of Mickey Sharp s stories and jokes: Did you know that freight-car load- * ings are down 28 percent while alcoholic consumption is up 42 percent? Whic h only goes to prove more people are getting loaded than freight cars People worry about the dollar devaluation—Las Vegas has been devaluing my dollars for years. • I here are only two times in a man's life when he shouldn't gamble. One, when he can't afford it. Two, when he can. My wife is so accident prone she trips over dust! • When I'm rn Georgia I like to kid the speed-trap towns Recently I was in one of them. They only have three things in that town^a speed sign, a squad car, and a sheriff. When you pass one you automatically meet the other two. ;

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