Waukesha Plaindealer (Newspaper) - April 9, 1867, Waukesha, Wisconsin BY ALEXANDER F PRATT where Disappear we to fo TWO A IN E SERIES APRIL EVERY TUESDAY Office In Barber's if HATES do do 3 6 I year j column 1 1 column 1 1 column 1 Mill loi B SI and 60 for CC or 0 00 10 00 2.1 00 40 00 00 00 i four weeks 52 00 fora for at rat OF by law a to mot in r dtt will be to but no il loss charge onu not ions be till forbid for JOB FEINTING aud others in want of Circulars Or of work in tho lino can their in STYLE at this H A MEYER Public attend promptly to all business connected with the conveyance of real estate furnish of titles anil Rive other in- formation as the records may lor of or Office in H Notary Public and General will attend to all business connected with the conveyance of Real Estate in- Deeds Mortgages Leases winch will be done promptly correctly and at the lowest will or Ab- stracts of Title and give all necessary in- formation to those about purchasing or dis- posal of lands in Waukesha the Tost Office 26 Dr SMITH Physician and Surgeon Office on He continues to cure Cancer ami expel Tape no pay Treats all cases nnd diseases as usual Extracts teeth with or cither without pain Trusses and all needed appliances always on hand Consultation entirely con- JOHN G COOK M D Physician and Office at his on Mill street Waukesha Will treat diseases of the throat lungs liver cancers itch will expel tape worms lam in twelve hours eases of both male and will AU private dis- female disease that human flesh so r is heir to Particular attention paid to surgical operations Charges W D A Hill's Block Main Street Wauke Wisconsin 11 M D and Surgeon office in stone block over Hiss Clarke's store Alain street V L M D Physician and Surgeon over stove Office 1 lands in ister of p County Buildings M Corner oft NATIONAL HOTEL ami West Water Streets Wisconsin This entirely House is row open to tlie and offers class It is situated only one block tho Depots of the Chien St nnd Chicago Omni busses to and from the and Curs S EXCHANGE y M purchased tbe well-known Exchange I shall no pains to ilie slav of my comfortable and respectfully solicit a share public HOUSE J 11 Cable proprietor Wis ISO pains spared co render the stay of guests pleasant and agreeable Horses and to let WILLIAMS County Surveyor and Notary over Jackson's Drug Store j Dealer Notary Public Surveyor and Office op- National corner Man miU Clinton R Jr M Physician ami Surgeon at his fii house corner of Main and Bridge bts S SMITE M B Physician and Center Co NY is JOHN S CLOW Artist and is prepared to take Photographs and Ferrotypes and to paint in or wider colors Old pictures copied enlarged in every size and style at the old gallery Slain Street 32 G C Successor to 0 K H- C Tyier Photograph and rooms over the Post Office SILAS Lumber Wis A good supply of all kinds of Lumber kept con- on hand and sold at the lowest rate at near the railroad depot Norah I've left a lung way behind me To better my fortune I've crossed the big sea sadly creature to me faith I'm as iVratched as wretched can be I think fresh as the daisy The beautiful balls and the emerald plain And ah don't I oftentimes think crazy About that black-eyed rogue sweet Norah McShane I sigh for the so cheerfully burning in the light the thirteen I'd been earning And whistled the anthem of Erin go bnigh In truth I that I'm half lovo I must ed To my country again For I've never been happy at all since I ed From sweet and Norah Shano Oh there is something so sweet in the cot I was born in- Though the walls are but and the is but thatch How grunt of the pigs in the morn in in lifting the rusty old Tis Pd no money but then I'd no sorrow My pockets wore but my head had no pain And if I but live till the sun shines I'll be off to Ireland and Norah tlic Arp en BIG No H March C SiE My to have remained in dignified obscurity the small remnant of my miserable but my Bob Hide Sara McCraken Tip and other ble gentlemen of all sexes and both colors scorn to be about the and insist on my views about the momentous state of our Tlie good people in Atlanta have got in the knees and it's the duty of every good citizen to keep the disease from if he can I haven't teen to ton been playing sentinel on the vn i watch tower but my observation con- j erty and may be his vinces me there is a power of fuss on 1 he Mayor o this row be off to Ireland hand about something Politics look squally and alarming Sherman overrun the country and destroyed and carried away our property and now brother John is up the job by robbin us of the rights and liberties our forefathers won Gen Thomas is playing with his 21 harmless boys iiii from just as much rain iti one platform as another If the good Lord will only bless us with abundant harvests everything on smooth enough with the humble ami honest people who drive the plough and hoe the corn they prosper everybody else will too if they mind their own business We will quit talking so much and quit writing altogether lips and a gagged press I've done took and quit Had my life in- sured in the Knickerbocker and the policy won't allow me to expose self to jump into no unnecessary The military can outwrite us anyhow Folk say is mightier than the sword but you put em both together and they'll flank a man out of his ai double town had Jittle billit doin with Gen Thomas the other day and only come eut ond best though it an open field nor a fair light I thought solf that 21 order must be a hoax got up by Brick Pomeroy or somebody and was looking for the General to come out in a card it but I soon found that Meals Tiro Hundred Years the barracks for with an i document old rebel us of all the j crimes in the decalogue such as der rape larceny arson burglary bigamy perjury and suicide our teeth the of Ro- th ink his will deny it some 20 years Good what an people Artemus Ward's First A writer in the Boston Sunday Times in a notice of the late Charles F gives the first letter of Artemus Ward When it ed in the columns of the Cleveland it was generally taken in earnest by readers and A was looked upon for sometime as a veritable showman To the editor of the I'm moving your place I want you to write me a letter show in your place j over another If they disregard Mr My show at present consists of three j Johnson's great argument they'll dis- moral bears a Kangaroo regard anything I how mad 1 would dollars to have played with him one hour Well I was mighty have H our conquerors as our to have been turned loose in the valve from death and all free no gag no jail no barracks no bayonets no guard I would have sot such a grin on him for the next six months as would have made everybody forget that Beast Living on their magnanimity F 1 toll you that got me that burnt me when I knew there wasn't enough magnanimity in r ship Lei us sit down in at England two hundred years ago Mighty joints of beef mutton and and roast are by veal pies black cocks plovers partridges two of delicate march an 3 coarser cheats afe almost in land and form no uart of the regular of fare The first in rank are served and in gradation to the lower tables the last remains being reserved for the poor who ry clay await this benevolence at the outer The second course is ushered in in like manner and more ful and swans ison pheasants pallets snipe pigeon's and The third course is distinguished by of the sweets jellies in the shape of animals trees houses a subtility or elaborate piece of sugar work perhaps a fortress in ture of divers hues and dry conserves of English and foreign fruits ginge bread marmalade and comfits in less variety Tho beverage of ale mead aud many kinds oi wine served in silver tankards and Venetian glasses The waiters at the Earle's table are gentlemen of high birth even the st sons of noblemen who are we arc But my we've got nothing to be ashamed of Since the war our pursuits have been peaceful and Wo needn't selves through fear of what human kind can do to us If the Radicals in- tend to confiscate ns they will do it and no acceptance of Sherman's will prevent it If they want our they are goin to have cm Jf they will ride over one law they will Cutlery Stoves Joiners Tools Glass Paints Oils Dealer in ware Agricultural street Licensed Office nt his County HAWKINS fw s Attorneys and ulli loan ami make comity of with on I and soiling tute block over Nation Hans of N Attorney and at Law nnd over Sturo JOHN I SMITH f U S Assessor lor i in Alexander's block over Office S to TJ ?il and from IV s- and at HI Barnes block VERNON TI and Law mid Public Waukesha in block D W SMALL Attorney and Counsellor at Law the Summit Office over 1 BRO CHAS in Dry Goods Heady Mado and Shops Groceries Aitkin's stone block Mill street 1 E H CLARKE Doaler iu Dry Goods and Fancy Goods Clarke's block EISMAN Dealer in Dry Goods Made Clothing Shoes Groceries Old Store Main street 1 JACOB SAMSE Tailor and dealer in aud Goods next door west of Burroughs Hardware Store Main street U JI dealers in Hats Caps Furs Straw floods Gloves and Mittens Xo East Water street Milwaukee 32 in all kinds nf Hardware Cutlery Implements Tin Iron Old Point little rascal make you larf to death to sec the little cuss jump up and squeal wacks figures of G Washington General Taylor John Bunyan Dr and Dr in the act of killing Dr Parkman besides several miscellaneous morral works of celebrated murderers etc by few and excluded by Now Mr Editor scratch oil a few lines savin at tlie street Waukesha 1 STEWART County Superintendent of Schools will lie in liis in the Court House every Tost Waukesha 20 PHOENIX KILlS Wis Chas T 1 tor nnd all kinds nf custom work done promptly nnd in the best manner Denier in Grain II Cutter ic ai the depot Dealer in and Liquors iu liis new stone block Mill street 1 j Madison Mutual Insurance Co A cent fur the J BASBEE Sale Horses and Carriages furnished at short notice a row doors case of the American how is the your place you should show down to Depend upon it I want get my handbills up in up a excitement paper bout We must work on their flaming style Also in show the moral on em If it's a temperance community toll em I signed the pledge utes iso born But on the con- trary if vour people take tods sav that Mister ard is as genial A it is generally but there aint an rebel in this county nnd if they confiscate they have got to de- clare all void knows what they won't do or when they doing it and my advice is to suffer and be Strong endure rything and accept nothing All is lost save holdup your man- 1 don't lick the hand j cd to strike the blow Joe banner says all is lost load of 0.11 such to support 24 hours Magnanimity My opinion is they've lost the seed and don't know what the commodity is I was as full of epitaph as Brownlow is ol poison Language m-e spon tancous regular that would have peeled the bark from a man's carcass like an tor But you see I was in the state and had to smother my I think I should have gone up spontaneous combustion if my wife hadn't broke the spell with her comic scenes She is nn and inter- but much given to jn these days of numerous and just as as and that is only I thank prow's and weak He we can in honor 21 out she hunted up the Congress A who can take the test and control the vote Who wants such pre- feller us we ever of and the life and sole of the blacks How long before he would jinc thj and go in for con- If he controlled the nigger vote he'd promise em or Demagogues liave always the will control the Who controls the ignorant nigger in- Bored Take dont you? If you anything bout my show pay my m 1 T fluence in Why low and his parly Tennessee has done just what Joe Brown wants to and weep is as harmless as a babe What a interesting study it is and now look at her to see a candid My little cuss I ray jacket and the conquered and just such a solo soiree as I have 21 times a week was never heard in Shanty before She seems to take a delight in the on the title page see the of Occasionally un says to us times are so hard with me 1 must stop my or as in some wife thinks we can dispense witli the paper now and I must stop Thus it la stop the first thing as a useless expense out thinking of the actual waste of money for things drank eat smoked which can do the system no good bat rather harm The newspaper can or should be as a benefit to every held it imparts useful information i f there to learn domestic cus toms all the intricate ments of a large house Ushers shals are all of rank and without the perfect insight into manners they thus practically iii would be utterly at the of their numerous dependants d unable to maintain in order their do it furnishes for thought and conversation it adds a to cial intercourse it junkes agreeable members of society To be without a newspaper one might as well be out of the world he a perfect nobody he goes society and hears others talk about curreLt events and discuss questions of local arid general interest he cau take no part in these discussions because he it not posted up not having read the paper And then in the family circle what an influence the newspaper has children read it and gain knowledge it serves to occupy their leisure hours to keep them from frivolous ments and gives an attraction for home Surely then no wise parent would consent to go without a paper may think he can get along without it because lie is out in the world and can have the reading of the paper from his neighbor's shop or store or lie can learn what is going on from others But this is rather a mean way Men ought to be They ought to read for If however they do not need the paper themselves they may rest T 1 1 -I f c- i Moat Market keeps constantly on- kinds nt the lowest market Mill tlie Methodist Church 3 Licensed Auctioneer for the District of consin will attend to business in line promptly and Charges to correspond with the Waukesha 11 JOSEPH KAYS Licensed Auctioneer for Wisconsin will at- tend to all calls in lino Charges extremely moderate T 0 No subjection I is the most ever for fifteen I am hand all i to skewer your I in regard to them handbills that I shall get them struck off up to your My agree with yourn exactly I know they do because I never saw a man whose didn't Respectfully yours A WARD P scratch my back and He scratch your back A Receipt of Happiness BAGG at very low rates Wisconsin It is simple morning finn a resolution to Address Robert Bags the day a happy one to IT in Fruits Confectioneries Oysters old stand Mill street Waukesha Oysters the best the market affords served to ladies gentlemen at all reasonable also at wholesale Mid retail 20 CHARLES CORK Dealer in Groceries Provisions choice gars and Tobacco Crockery Glass and Confectionary Wooden Also Superior Flour always on Store in Cork's block formerly Barnes Alain street Waukesha 1 a lellow 1 turc it is easily done A to the man who needs it a and kind word to the sorrowful an en- Conveyancer expression to the starving Licensed Peace and j will do it fit least far twenty-four Conveyancer Sussex Waukesha Co j hours and it you are young depend upon it it will tell when you arc old THOMAS Lumber Dealer near the Depot i send you down the Wis keeps constantly hand all kinds of i Look at lumber at Milwaukee prices adding d -1 33 A and Carriage maker All kinds of re- pairing done on short notice Shop on street three doors of the ers National Bank 42 W S HOWE Carriage Sign and Ornamental shop over Wagon Factory street Waukesha in Groceries Dried and Can Fruit Crockery Stone and Wooden choice Fine Cut and Smoking co's Cigars Extra Flour Carbon Oil Ac all of which will be exchanged for Butter at market Main Street in Hilb Stone Block 1 WILLIAM H BOYLE in Groceries Provisions Fruit Market price paid for in west store of Clarke's stone block SI THOMAS Dealer in Groceries Drugs and Crockery Glass Wooden Ware nnd Stoves manufacturer of Tin ware and general variety store If you want a good and cheap job of Carriage Sign Painting or Glazing call on me at my new stone shop Main Street ulS S 7 H H MESSENGER Having removed his Boot and Shoe shop to bis dwelling bouse on Main tbe can and will manufacture or repair anything in his line at greatly re- rates and if you are old rest assured it will stream of time to the Yon send one one happily through the day is three dred and in the course of the supposing you live only after you commence this course you have made fourteen thousand six hundred human beings happy at all everts for a lime Now But suppose had representation and elected all good men just men what could they do for us ing at all the present Radical majority all our votes undo anything lhat has been with a President they could do as much more as they pleased Just let cm all alone give em rope more history is repeating itself ihc crisis will come sometime tryanny and oppression must run its course Joe Brown's programme wont stop it One of his resolutions made my head swim 1 felt like taking chloroform He would make the whole Yankee tion believe we loved em like ers and wanted em to coree ont South and let ns hug em Well all that sort is played There aint a hundred men in the State has any more respect for a Radical than a hyena and Joe Brown knows it good Lord knows our hearts and how fondly we cling to those moderate men of the mighty who would save us from the that awaits us Let a kind word be spoken to a subjugated Ileb and the blood quickens in the gits further us than and it about in luce because J call man She says that part of the order about Gen remains was founded on and so was Phil Sheridan's about Gen for Solomon says in that a clog is belter ban a dead O lion My opinion is that it will be sible to harmonize women this orders as 2.1 will cut oil of if I if Gen Thomas been a Virginian he wouldn't nave issued it I've no- that when a Virginian falis he arid over on side Lovly General and Edward were both secesh and got mighty impatient the Dominion was slow in movin The General said all the officers would be gobbled up Before seceded Well they say yon Scott got hold of about this time and took IMI up in a high mountain and showed cm a kingdom or the General fell down and wouldn't I toil you my friends a man ought to be careful about going up onto these dangerous mountains and this leads me to we ought to petition Mr Johnson to put over General who stood square to his State Hope for the best my Don't imagine you see panthers and because you are in a territory mistake a Bureau Track fora bear Don't will be veins hundred retainers that may drink and be clothed at his espouse when they themselves be come the heads of families Profound silence is ing dinner when some one rises and first uncovering his head takes a full cup in his band and suiting with s grave craves for audience Silence being once ob- he begins to breathe out the name of some ble personage whoso health is drank to and he that pledges must likewise oil with his cup kiss his fingers and bow himself in a sign of a reverent acceptance And thus the first scene is The cup being re- plenished to tho breadth of a hat is the now begin his part and thus it goes round throughout the whole company The banquet over the guests wash their hands in water and ing the gentlemen to their wine as in- the present day the retire to amuse themselves with backgammon cards bowls and edly the scandal of Queen Elizabeth's court When the gentlemen have contented themselves wine spiced perhaps the whole company o-o on a hawking or hunting tion or engage in a trial of skill at archery if the company be very numerous and of high rank a bull or a boar may be baited to da a ill for their amusement the fair ladies en- joying it juite like these should have their weight and should induce those who have thoughts of stopping their not to do so for those who have not taken a paper to subscribe lor one at once Aft as much as the ish of the At seven o'clock supper ifl served in the groat hall and resembles dinner on a much After per the company amuso themselves with chess draughts qui hot cockle or tiers and other games now numbered among the sports of young children At ten the bell summons to Prayers arc said by the chaplain and the household separates for the night our here are the Union Leagues i ly because Florida is hitched to Attention to your business keep mountain and all will worthy render is this not r somebody says what are they goin to do Never mind roy Union Leagues aint to hurt nobody they are made of flesh and blood like we are and they and their fate will be our i i be well 1 would say more but my ICKE DIPPELL Boot and Shoe Makers in the Old Point Block Main Street Waukesha MULLIGAN Saddler and Harness malcer Shop on Mill St Steits barber shop kosha Wis 22 D GALLAGHER Boot and maker opposite 1 We do not often indulge in a moral dose but this is so small a pill that one needs no red jelly to dis- guise its flavor and it requires to be taken but once a day that we feel warranted in prescribing it It is most excellent for digestion of pleasant slumber and In the following manner does a Colorado editor welcome the return of a respectable citizen re- spected townsman Mr Tritch returned from the East in last ing's coach He has on a fine suit ot State clothes including a plug hat and is the looking cuss we haye ever seen since Jim Ford We are glad to see him back and hope he will settle behave himself fate They are as much disgusted at Shermants as anybody They are our neighbors and our friends and if there is some bad men among em there enough of tlie good to make em do right So keep quoit and be the Union Leaguers are not going to trouble yon If they want their own it don't low that they want to steal yours But Joseph is afraid we can't Stand a military government know its humiliating crushing but we have stood can try it awhile longer it till we can do better Military government aint the cause of our poverty and dis- tress Its a government higher than Thomas Qr Sherman or Its the loss of crops and the want of rain The military never corn wife's music has begun Yours respectfully P date my letter from Big Shanty as I hear these three to have name Let us all be thankful we know where we are For two years it has been doubtful whether we were isa or out My opinion now is we are out and I heard a female voice say B A In tho classic village of N Y there was an old hard-shell Baptist deacon who was always about Ins neighbors On the casion of a revival he got to praying for an hardened shiner by the name of E- Oh Lord bless poor E- yank him to the throne of Grace if he won't cave oh Lord shake Him over hell till he steals Kke COULDN'T KEEP so A finding his flock very resolved to pay them and inspect them at thai Commencing at a poor woman's cabin amongst other tions lie asked how many ments there were Truly my dear sir I cannot said she Why ten said he fine replied she God bless you and them together but my said he you think yon can keep thorn ten Ah the Lord in Heaven bless you sir I'm a poor lone widely and can keep so how can I bear tlie charge of keeping so many commandments A dealer advertised eye glasses b j the aid of which a person could easily read the finest print A well dressed man called at the counter to be fitted to a pair of spectacles As he re- marked that he had never worn any some handed to him that fied very little He looked hard through them nt the before him but earnestly declared he could make out nothing Another pair of stronger power was saddled over his nose although un- successful as before trial was until at length the almost discouraged dealer passed him a pair which magnified more than all the rest of Ins stock The customer quite as impatient ns the merchant at having to try so many put on the last pair and looked through them at the printed pages with ail his might Can vou read that printing inquired the dealer pretty certain that he had it right this time Sure not a bit Can you road at cried the dealer to which the customer re- There's not a word among them that I can identify the feature I say do you know how to read exclaimed impatiently Out wid ye shouted the man laying down the spectacles -in a huff I could rado what Would I be buyin a pair of spectacles Yc chate the people wid the idea yer glasses ud help cm to rade aisy but its a big is Ah ye blackguard ye I would buy em trying them A OBJECTED TO A JSTew York correspondent tells the A negro named Ephe who was a regular attendant at was proud of his Bible He was sawing wood one day while his son a hid of about twelve years was looking on and now and then asking questions W hich of the you like Ephe Well I don't drawled the bov likes Said Ephe was so strong aud piled up dem ed folks so Why replied tne boy wasn't one of the Apostles Ephe put down his saw and ed at the youngster a moment in amazement and then asked him with an air Look here white boy how old ain J the boy Well forty now wu's to know I verdant Englishman stopping nt the Brevoot the other day who had never had a sleigh ride in this try or any other went to tho stables hotel for a nice thing you know something and the proprietor ordered one of the hostlers to give the gentleman a new cotter with the bay mare and a largo buffalo Ob no none of that now my dear fellah None of your American iokes on me you know I'm not much used to that sort of thing yon see I know you're a devilish strange set of people out here But never mind the buffalo Just leave th t and give me an orso bv He'll answer Keep your buffalo for one of your own Yankees PROVERBS OF Josa Human is the same awl the New England and thar it is according to Rum is rather good its place and hell the place fur it Ifl a boy who didn't he well enough to suit me I wood set him to tending dry goods is tore When a fellow gets a going down dus as tho everything had bin greased for the He who can woar a clean sburt for a weak and keep it clean ain't fit for I never yet knu a fool who hadn ta good voice Thieves hunt in couples but a bar has no There iz multitudes mean well but devil they act of folks who like tbe
