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New Braunfels Herald Zeitung: Wednesday, May 15, 1996 - Page 4

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   New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - May 15, 1996, New Braunfels, Texas                                tfli jersoa is yoor friend who dewids or denies your right to Walker author 1983 Voice of outrage Burundi atrocities brought to light after ABC airs story photos from Bob Krueger Bob Krueger fielded questions from Nightlines Ted Koppel two weeks ago about die atrocities that continue to occur in die African nation of Burundi Aa US ambassador to diat country Krueger was privy to informa tion about government killings that have increased in ferocity and number But he was also an eyewitness to the carnage that followed attacks by die ethnic Tutsiled army and rebel Hutus And with photographs be personally shot at the scene of massacres New Braunfels native Bob Krueger detailed for America the face of what US officials have called national ThM segment on ABC has apparently so moved members of the Clin ton Administration that they sent two top diplomats to the capital of meet with government leaders The diplomatic dialogue however was mostly oneway National Security Advisor Anthony Lake said if me killing persists in or if any group seizes power by force you should know mat the United States will see to it diat diey are isolated by die inter national community and feel the full weight of international to an AP story to Bunmd year displacing another Since 1983 more than have died in ethnic clashes Kmfcgers stint as ambassador of Burundi well ed While travelling to an alleged massacre was attacked w From jungle cover unknown assailants fired hundreds of rounds at the ambassadors vehicle convoy Among the military guard sup posedly protecting Krueger not one soldier fired back at die attackers The only person to return fire was an American accompanying Krueger Its obvious who the target was Kruegers activities in Burundi chronicling fighting there were well known among government leaders So was his vocal and very public criticism of the army Now his work has reached the ears of Americans and the gov ernment But instead of bullets Krueger is receiving accolades for his efforts They are well deserved Todays editorial was written by Managing Editor Doug Write The New Braunfels HeraldZeitung welcomes letters on any public issue The editor reserves the right to correct spelling style punctua tion and known factual errors Letters should be kept to 250 words We publish only original mail addressed to foe New Braunfels Herald Zotwv bearing the writers signature Also an address and a telephone number which are not for publication must beincluded Please cite the page number and date of any article that is mentioned Preference is given to writers who have not been published in the previous 30 days r Letters to the Editor Hoe New Braunfels HeraldZeitung Drawer 311328 1 New 781311328 i Fax 210 6261224 New Braunfels HeraldZeitung DougToney Doug Loveday Director Osteen Manager Mary Ue Hal 1328 Seem nlm postage paid by the Conwl County in three sw Tew fix months year submit letters dud guest columns electronically by way of MJkMjJMjiA jiii idh online services of iniefnBt or to simply cofttfld staff rrtimbflre the managing editors abdress Body functions just too personal I Iwe been sittiftg here gnfjpbng with the provoknig question of which ofte following would bediewoMtomiaginable 1 being locked in a mom widi television showing a continuous loop of tfiffignfe blind rerans sponsored by local tire 2 being forced to roll around shirtless on die floor of a or 3 being trapped in the window seat of an airplane next to a woman who believes that you are sincerely interested in hearing all about her colon blockage This is just die sort of question thai humor colum nists an over die world spend a great deal of time try ing to answer This writer is especially susccptibk to this sort of musing after spending a brutal tax season contending with such mind numbing questions as whether die client should make an election under Internal Revenue Code Section 195 to capitalize start up costs and amortize them over a period of six ty months But back to die question at hand On die one hand nothing could be more flagrant ly stupid and therefore sure to send the viewer into an stomping rage man Gilligans except for die egregious aforementioned commercials But really this is a circumstance which could be solved rather easily assuming that the party in question is as heavily armed as most Texans are nowadays It would be a simple matter to blast the television to smithereens leaving a smoking pile of semicon ductors on die floor Adios Gilligan Problem solved On the other hand no torture could be as exquisite as being covered with loose hair clippings But real ly how often does anyone ever have to take off his shirt and roll around die barbershop Almost never You can keep your shirt on if you want Therefore I have concluded that die worst imag inable fate is option number In fact after only a few minutes of listening to your seatmates mono logue you would surely be dunking to yourself If I just pop mis little emergency handle under die win dow JcotiU get feet to a hor nTte death wouldnt seem diat bad really Far too few people appreci ate just how link others want to hear about thev intimate body functions Not only do I not want to hear about anyones colon blockage 1 dont really want to be reminded that they even have a colon WAKE UP AMERICA No one wants to think about your colon or even your semicolon Alright Not only that but I also do not care to hear die graphic details of any other personal diaries Allen health problems Please spare me the description of your hemorrhoids constipation diarrhea urinary tract infections yeast infections bladder troubles prostate enlargement testicular pain breast tender ness cramping heavy days light days doublestamp days sexual dysfunction sexual malfunction or sex ual multifunction Tell it to your doctor if you just ha veto but leave me out of this Besides being way too such disclosures inevitably produce die most boring conversations in the world Complainer So Okay You know that crampy feeling you get sometimes Like your stomach is all ralph and stuff Im like EwwwwwJf And then I notice diat Im like coughing up blood and stuff and I go No way but I really was so then I go to the doctor and he goes What seems to be the trouble and Im like Duh You understand what Im saying And he goes You may have to the prom and Ilm like As Listener Thats great Complainer So I get to the prom and Init alt hanging out and stuff and this guy domes up goes Hey youre like green and I go Ha You should have seen me earlier when I And hes like Aaaghhh so Im almost surd he really likes me a lot w J Listener killing self Gurrrrkk As boring as it is to listen to someones health troubles try listening to a long diatribe about How much a hospital charges and how little Medicare pays and how stupid the claims clerks all and now many mistakes they make and how long it takes get it all settled and how in Canada anyone can get a heart transplant for the cost of a Big Mac and how these insurance companies are all in cahoots the Tri lateral Commission to form a world These bores make it difficult for those Of us who have some really interesting stories to telli example the time I was playing golf overat Pdfean Valley and I had already birdied the first Hole by chip ping in from off the green and when we got to thetee on the par 3 thud hole one of my playing cikftjpanfcns goes are you going to do it and like going to And so I approximately 175 yard downhill shot arid mentally calculated die effect of the wind and relativfe hunfid ity and phase of the moon and finally chose a seven iron Hey wait Fm telling you about my Stop LET GO OF THAT HANDLE n Charles T Allen is a New Braunfels Texas QPA and humorist who responds to peoples persdhal health stories with fascinating tales about hislovfible cat The man has o a nave TO downsize zvni wai saueood snote abA snob gairilsrno ffo 4 if threatens to hit China with By MARTIN CRUTSINGER AP Economics Writer WASHINGTON AP 4 The tfhited States and China are edging closer to a fullbtown trade war in a fight over copyright piracy that American compa nies claim is costing them billion in lost sales of computer programs movies and music The administration was scheduled to release today a target list of billion in Chinese products that could be subject to punitive tariffs of 100 percent after a 30day waiting period Administration officials who spoke on condition of anonymity said about billion of the target list would include clothing and textiles with the other billion representing electronic products and other manufactured goods After a 30day comment period the administration said it would select about billion in goods from among the two groups that would be hit with 100 per cent punitive tariffs The comment period gives both countries a chance to resolve the dispute before the sanctions take effect However Chinese officials have rejected US asser tions that they are not living up to a 1995 agree ment They have vowed to retaliate with iheir sanctions of their own in a titfortat trade fight that would heighten tensions further between the two countries Although the Clinton administration has tried to maintain good ties with China the worlds most populous nation and a growing economic power relations have been strained by a series of issues including Chinas sale of nuclear technology to Pak TOT ib on and Beijings threats against While 100 percent tariffs would have of eliminating roughly biliion in Chinese frpm the market administration officials said they would be careful to select items that couit easily replaced either from domestic producers er However representatives of UjS retailers el lengedthat assertion There simply is no easy or costeffective replace the goods on which the will imp diese said Trace Mullin president National Retail Federation t k vy He contended that clothing products were befrjg unfairly singled out for the benefitof Hollywood moguls whose movies and records are being pirst v i Today In History By The Associated Press Today is Wednesday May 15 the of There days left in the year t Todayi Highlight in History On May Democratic presidential date George C Wallace was shot and left paralyzed while campaigning at a Laurel Md shopping center Wallaces assailant Arthur Brerner was sentenced to 63 years in prison although the sentence was later On this date In 1602 English navigator Bartholomew Gos ijold upon Cape Cod k In poet Emily Dickinson died in Amherst Mass In the US Supreme Coiut ordered the djs of the Sherman Antitrust Act In 1919 airrrai began service between Wasjn ngton PWladelphia and New York In 1930 Ellen Church the first airline went on duty aboard a United Airlines San Francisco and In 1940 nylon stockings went on general sale for the first timeJn the United States I In 1942 gasolin rationwg went iho effect states limiting sales tothrej gallons a waek for non essential vehicles In 1948 declaring its independence the new state of Israel was attacked by Transjordan Egypt Syria Iraq ancj Lebanon In astronaut Cooper blasted off aboard Faith 7 on the final mission of the Project Mercqry space In 1970 Phillip Lafayette Gjbbs and James Bad Green two black students at Jackson yniverstty in Mississippi were killed when police opened fire during student protests In 1988 the Soviet JLJnion began withdrawing its troops from Ten years ago Searchers on Oregons Mount vHood found two teenage survivors of a hiking exper that became njpped in a whjteput yNiwIotlier climbers EtVt Bush tooMpriti to r vr rt innings the French Pr Francois Mitterraiid appointed Edith Cresson Frances first female premier year ago DowComing Corp filecl for Ci tier 11 bankruptcy protection citing potentially nomical expenses from liability lawsuits Birthdays Constance Curr mings is 86 Singer E4dy Arnold Peter Shaffer is 70 Playwright Anthony Shaffer is 7 Playwright Paul Zindel is 60 Ann Maria Alberghetti is 60 Singer frini is 55 Singer Lenny Welch is 58 Actresssinger Laini Kazan is 56 Country singer is 54 Singei songwriter Brian Eno is 48 Thought for Today People love to talk but hat tp Alice Duer Miller American airthc i   

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