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New Braunfels Herald Zeitung: Thursday, October 19, 1995 - Page 4

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   New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - October 19, 1995, New Braunfels, Texas                                4J HgfaldZeljung d Thursday October Opinion To talk with Managing Editor Doug Loveday about the Opinion page call 6259144 First Amendment guarantees free dom of speech but not funding of freedom of Herb Shayne businessman 1994 D I T O R I A L Punishing the wrong people Personal Responsibility Act would leave battered women vulnerable to abusers In the aftermath of the Simpson murder trial the issue of domestic vio lence has once again come to the forefront of American society And iron ically while almost everyone agrees that more should be done to provide help to women who are victims of wife beaters Congress is considering a bill that would make it much harder for women to leave abusive relationships The Personal Responsibility Act would make it more difficult for a woman who has fled an abuser to rebuild her life First the bill contains a stipulation that children born to women receiving welfare be permanently ineligible for benefits This ignores the fact that vio lence often increases during pregnancy But under the new law if a pregnant woman flees her abuser goes on welfare and then has her baby that innocent child will be punished by being forever cut off from all public financial assis tance including muchneeded nutrition programs The bill also contains a requirement that women name the father of their children At first thought this sounds like a good idea after all fathers should for their children just like mothers But looking deeper conducting a paternity search could reveal the battered womans loca tion to her abuser putting her at risk Successful paternity establishment could also allow an abusive father to sue for custody or visitation rights And according to a 1988 study by K Yllo and M Bogard 70 percent of men who beat their wives also beat their children This law would put children at risk The bill also puts a fiveyear lifetime limit on receiving public assis tance An abusive man often stalks and harasses his victim for years mak ing it hard for her to acquire permanent housing put her children in school or keep a job These women also often need help with job training and child care in order to find a job that pays a wage that will allow her and her chil dren to escape poverty But those programs are being cut now too The programs slated to be cut in the Personal Responsibility Act total billion in federal and state funds The federal share amounts to about one per cent of the federal budget Furthermore cutting and eliminating programs that help the poorest members of society will not necessarily save money but sim ply shift the burden onto the states Texas Comptroller John Sharp estimates that if the Personal Responsibility Act is passed as written Texas would lose about million a year in federal funds Cutting programs like child nutrition may save a small amount of money in the short run but hungry children do not learn well in school costing soci ety in the Jong run They are more likely to get sick and need expensive med ical care which taxpayers will pay for A better approach to welfare reform would be to invest in programs like job training education and child care programs that can end the cycle of dependency and give people a hand up not a hand out Todays editorial was written by City Editor Roger Write us The New Braunfels HeraldZeitung welcomes letters on any public issue The editor reserves the right to correct spelling style punctua tion and known factual errors Letters should be kept to 250 words We pubbsh only original mail addressed to the New Braunfels Herald Zeitung bearing the writers signature Also an address and a telephone number which are not for publication must be included Please cite the page number and date of any article that is mentioned Preference is given to writers who have not been published in the previous 30 days Mail letters to Letters to the Editor the New Braunfels HeraldZeitung Drawer 311328 New Braunfels Texas 781311328 Fax 210 6251224 New Braunfels HeraldZeitung Editor and Sullens DuVall Managing Loveday Advertising Stevens Circulation Ann Avery Pressroom Brandt City Croteau Published on Sunday mornings and weekday mornings Tuesday through Friday by the NewBrwnfels HeraldZeitung USPS 377880 707 Landa Si or Drawer 311328 New Braunfels Comal County Tx 78131 1328 Second class postage paid by the New Braun fels HeraldZeitung in New Braunfels Texas Carrier delivered in Comal and Guadalupe counties three months 19 six months one year Senior Citizen Discounts by carrier delivery only six months one year Mail delivery outside Comal County in Texas three months six months one year Mail outside Texas six months one year Subscribers who have not received a newspaper by Tuesday through Friday or by sum on Sunday may call 210 6259144 or by 7 weekdays or by 11 on Sunday POSTMASTER Send address changes to the New Braunfels HeraldZeituis Draw er 311328 New Braunfels Tx 781311328 Opinion Online contact submit letters and guest columns electronically by way of onlihe services or Internet or to simply contact staff members the HeraldZeitungs address is HZeitung@AOL.com Abusers share common traits Our society has recently had an increased aware ness of spouse abuse and with this being Domestic Violence Awareness it may be appropriate to address this difficult topic Certainly Simpsons tri al brought spouse abuse into the public eye Maybe something positive can occur in our culture in the form of a greater public sanction against and a greater intolerance for spouse or any domestic abuse In this article I will share with you some of the typ ical behavior patterns of the abusive person In the next article I will explain the typical abuse cycle It is my hope that this article will assist some people from getting involved with abusive people for there are several red flags which can be used as warning signs Perhaps it will help some people already involved in an abusive relationship to seek help Men or women can be abusive to their partner although the typical pattern is for the man to be abu sive These articles will be written with the typical pattern abusive men abused women but the patterns can be reversed Abusive people tend to be highly jealous and con trolling consistent with their fragile selfesteem People with a good selfesteem do not have to intim idate or control Their partner becomes more like their possession rather than a person with independent thoughts feelings wants or needs Abusers tend to want to dictate who their partner can see or talk to what clothes can be worn where to be and when to be there etc At first this partner may interpret this jealousy and possessiveness as an indi cation of being Real love however includes sensitivity to each others needs and encouragement for each to develop their own It is highly common for an abusive person to try to isolate his partner from friends or family which results in an increased dependence on the abusive partner Isolation can also result in almost a brain washing scenario since there are few other people with whom to interact who might help her see the abuse for what it is Physically abusive men are almost always very Nancy Logan emotionally abusive as well Ongoing emotional abuse wears away at his wifes selfesteem and self confidence She becomes more and more insecure that she could make it on her own This makes it hard er to leave her abuser for she frequently comes to believe that she is all the bad or inadequate things she is told by her abusive husband A few women even come to believe they deserve being hit or bat tered or raped More commonly however battered women har bor intense anger and resentment and fear but feel helpless to do anything about it The abusive man is frequent ly selffocused and wants every thing to revolve around his needs wants and are to serve and adore him Increased likelihood for vio lence comes more often when his wife forgets that her purpose in life according to the abusive husband is to be serving and adoring sarcasm intended with This can happen when she has a different opinion does not do some thing exactly the way she is told talked to someone not on the approved list or any other real or imagined behavior that offends the abusive partner As time progresses she may become vulnerable to battering when something having nothing to do with her upsets her husband such as a frustrating day at work or someone cutting him off on the road When a man has learned to handle frustrations by becoming violent and say cannot take it out at work without serious consequences he may come and be violent with his wife who he has come to believe will tolerate it Many men who batter their wives do it because their wives tolerate it without significant consequences People who are abusive typically have low frus tration tolerance and want immediate gratification of their wants and needs Most of us would like what we what when we want it but we realize it frequently does not happen that way An abusive person fre quently feels entitled to what he wants when he wants it and therefore feels justified in getting angry violent when it does not occur Additionally abusive people tend to blame every thing on someone else and have difficulty recog nizing their own contributions to problems It is not unusual for a battering man to blame his wife I had to hit her to shut her up she was saying just sitting there crying In the extreme some men may even come to believe their wife deserves to be battered emotionally tormented or raped although not consider it as rape because he may feel that he is entitled to sex whenever he wants Alcohol abuse and other drugs too is a highly common problem for the violent person Alcohol is a depressant and it also weakens selfcontrol This can result in a person being more likely to act out what they feel without logic and reasoning guiding their behavior Beware of heavy drinkers binge or more regular In short there are several warning signs to observe early in relationships These include possessiveness and controlling behavior anger management prob lems blaming everyone else for problems without recognizing his own contributions to problems emo tionally abusive behavior sense of entitlement lack of tolerance for differences in needs or wants of his wife and efforts to isolate her from others Not all of these need to be present for someone to be an abusive partner nor is it necessarily true that someone with these qualities will be abusive They are however warning signs and the more signs one has the greater the risk of abuse Disclaimer All materials in this column are pro vided for general information only It is not intended nor should it be construed as psychological advice or instruction Dr Logan is a psychologist in private practice in New Today In History By The Associated Press Today is Thursday Oct 19 the 292nd day of 1995 There are 73 days left in the year Todays Highlight in History On Oct 19 1781 British troops under Lord Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown as the American Revolution neared its end On this date In 1765 the Stamp Act Congress meeting in New York drew up a declaration of rights and liberties In 1812 French forces under Napoleon Bonaparte began their retreat from Moscow In 1864 Confederate Gen Jubal A Early attacked Union forces at Cedar Creek Va The Union troops were able to rally under Gen Phil Sheridan and defeat the Confeder ates In 1936 Ekins of the New York WorldTelegram beat out Dorothy Kilgallen of the New York Journal and Leo Kieran of The New York Times in a roundtheworld race on commercial flights that lasted days In 1944 the Navy announced that black women would be allowed into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service In 1950 United Nations forces entered Pyongyang the capital of North Korea In 1951 President Truman signed an act formally ending the state of war with Ger many In 1977 the supersonic Concorde made its first landing in New York City after 19 months of delays caused by residents con cerned about the aircrafts noise In 1987 the stock market the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 508 points its biggest oneday decline Ten years ago A official delivered a letter from President Reagan to Italian Premier Bettino Craxi saying that relations remained solid despite differences over the Achille Lauro hijacking Five years ago Iraq ordered all foreigners in occupied Kuwait to report to authorities or face punishment and announced it would ration gasoline to save on imported chemicals used in refining fuel The Supreme Soviet voted to approve President Mikhail S Gor bachevs economic reform plan The Cincin nati Reds beat the Oakland As 83 taking a 30 lead in the World Series One year ago Twentytwo people were killed as a terrorist bomb shattered a bus in the heart of Tel Avivs shopping district in a suicide attack claimed by Hamas Entertain er Martha Raye died in Los Angeles at age 78 Todays Birthdays The former Ambassador to Russia Robert S Strauss is 77 Actress LaWanda Page is 75 Columnist Jack Anderson is 73 Author John Le Carre is 64 Actor John Lithgow is 50 National Orga nization for Women President Patricia Ireland is 50 Singer Jeannie C Riley is 50 Amy Carter is 28 Thought for Todtoy A good beginning makes a good English proverb Write em GOVERNMENT OFFICES President of the Bill Clinton 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington 20500 2024561414 Vice President of the Al Gore Old Executive Office 6ldg 17th St and Pennsylvania NW Washington 20501 2024562326 Senators for the state of Texas Phil Gramm 402 E Ramsey Rd San Antonio TX 78216 5123669494 Kay Bailey Hutchison 961 Federal 8ldg 300 E 8th St Austin TX 78703 5124825834 Congressmen Lamar Smith 1100 Loop 410 Ste 640 San Antonio TX 78209 2108215024 Frank Tejeda 13 1 1 5 r Ste San Antonio TX 78214 2109247383 FAX 2109276222 TEXAS GOVERNMENT OFFICES Governor George W Bush Box12428 Austin TX 78711 5124632000 Attorney General Dan Morales Box 12548 Austin TX 78711 5124632100 State Senator Jeff Wentworth 1250 Loop 410 San Antonio TX 78209 2108267800 FAX 2108260571 or Box12068 Austin TX 787112068 5124630326 State Senator Judith Zaffirini Box 627 Laredo TX 78042 2107222293 or 60x12068 Austin TX 787112068 5124630125 FAX 5124630326 State Representative Edmund Kuempel 6ox911 781550911 2103798732 FAX 5124630904   

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