New Braunfels Herald Zeitung, September 2, 1994, Page 4

New Braunfels Herald Zeitung

September 02, 1994

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Issue date: Friday, September 2, 1994

Pages available: 16

Previous edition: Thursday, September 1, 1994

Next edition: Sunday, September 4, 1994

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All text in the New Braunfels Herald Zeitung September 2, 1994, Page 4.

New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - September 2, 1994, New Braunfels, Texas v j if t i i Journalists have never been In more danger nor have they ever been more PtUfMnta 1 CNN 1993 EDITORIAL Kudos The HeraldZeitung salutes the people who make New Braunfels great Every week the New Braunfels HeraldZeitung takes an opportunity to give a pat on the back to people busi nesses and organizations whose contributions quality of life we enjoy in Comal County are especially noteworthy If you know of anyone who deserves to be singled out in this column call the news room at 6259144 or write t down and mail it to us or drop it off at our office at 707 Landa Street New Braunfels is full of people who deserve to have their contributions noted but the only way we can do it is if you let us know about them This week our Kudos go out to Bob McPherson Terry Burton Vivian Nuhn and all of the other volunteers at Habitat for Humanity whose months of hard work is coming to fruition with the con sanction of the first Habitat for Humanity home in Comal County We sincerely hope that this worthy pro gram will continue to grow for years to come To get involved call Bob at 6090131 Wilfred Glenn Allison Doug Miller Sue Bush Jayne Jochec and Jan Jochec and the hundreds of other volunteers and contributors who are guiding the Comal County Fair into its second century The fair is an annual highlight of life in Comal County and Aanks to an army of dedicated volunteers it seems to get bigger and better every year Michael Casto has been selected as a delegate tp National Young Leaders Conference in Washington Oct 1116 As a national scholar through the Congressional Youth Leadership Council Casto will join high school students from around the country at the conference designed to teach students the different facets of government The cafeteria workers at our local schools Herald Zeitung staff members a local restauranteur and the city sanitarian were all impressed by the Mexican food they were served at Frazier Elementary earlier this week The members of the New Braunfels Canyon and Smithson Valley football teams who start their season tonight Win or lose this year these young people will learn teamwork and dedication and are sure to represent their schools with honor we know were stupid Dave Barry I fcitett what Americans are too fit This fact was discov I efcd recently by a panel of I comsemcd experts and report Ted extensively in the news media as though it were a shocking revelation The truth of course is that we Americans already know we have a weight problem We notice it every time we get out of the shower arid look In the bathroom minor and see our head sitting on top of what appears to be a towelclad manatee We notice it when were unable to get our wallet out of the bock pocket of our relaxedfit jeans without the aid of power tools We notice it every time we tune in to TV talk shows which discuss weight control almost as much as they discuss major national issues by which I mean Simpson We notice it whenever we go to a mall and observeour fellow of whom could not run the 100meter dash in under four days waddling around in stretch fabric athletic wear as though at any moment theyre going to to caQed upon to represent the United States in me Big Butt Olympics So we know were toofat But that did not stop a panel of concerned experts from reminding us This was a different panel from the one that announced recently food contains a lot of fat The media jumped on this story as if the experts had come up with con clusive proof that Robert was a woman This is also how the media reacted when previous concerned expert panels announced that there was fat in Italian food Chinese food fast food any breakfast food that does not taste like mulch and of course the ultimate Death movie popcorn which as i recall from the wildly excited press coverage contains more fat in 6ne kernel than all the lard consumed by allied troops in World War EL You got the from the media that after a movie ends the ushers have to use forklif ts to clear the bloated corpses out of the theater What I want to know is do these expert panels honestly believe we dont know what these foods contain Do they believe that when we go to a Mexican restaurant we dont notice that virtually every dish consists of beef fat fried in grease topped with cheese and sour cream and garnished with individual cholesterol molecules the size of squash balls We know perfectly well that were eating fat We just wish you experts would stop REMIND ING m Because the tnith is we LIKE fat Fat tastes GOOD to human beings Thats the way we were designed by Mother Nature who herself is a size Thats why we DONT eat what you experts nag us to eat namely 27 individual por tions per day of raw fruits and Vegetables We dont want to live like some rabbit nibbling ner vously at a carrot terrified because at any moment it could be eaten by an owl We want to be like the mighty lion which fears nothing and eats Mexican food whenever it chooses Perhaps our diet is not so good for our hearts but consider this Of all the nations in the industrialized world the United States ranks thirdlowest in the number of oeoole eaten each year by owls But we never hear this kind of good news from panels of concerned experts Theyre too busy doing studies to prove yet again that we weigh too much and eat the wrong foods and dont exercise enough and watch too much TV and raise pur kids wrong and smoke and drink and secretly pick our noses And they LOVE to remind us that were stupid Coming up with new ways to point but the stupidity of Americans is probably the single most popular activity in the concernedexpert communi ty lust about ever week you read a news story in which experts announce an alarming new study showing that seven out of every 10 Americans dont know how many limbs they have or cannot correctly identify their home planet I want you concerned experts out there to put your ears down next to the page and listen closely to what I am about to say WE KNOW WERE STUPID You dont nave to keep reminding us We see the evidence all around us every day For example Virtually everybody who drives in front of me is an idiot I constantly find myself behind drivers who are startled and baffled by virtually everything they encounter as though theyve nev er been outdoors before Theyll see for example a tree and immediately they hit their brakes as if they expect the tree to leap into the middle of the road They also brake for mailboxes buildings and their own mirrors But above all they brake for the most disturbing and mysterious of all earthly phenomena a green traffic light which causes them to come to a virtual standstill para lyzed until the light turns yellow and then red at which point they accelerate to 275 miles per hour and shoot through the intersection leaving me stuck at the light shouting until spittle covers the dashboard Mv ooint concerned experts is that we Ameri cans already know what were like You dont need to keep telling us Your message has pene trated even our fat stupid brains Some days we get so depressed about it that we think about com mitting suicide by deliberately swallowing movie popcorn We would wash it down with diet soda c 1994 Media Tribune Services Inc Grime bill faces another fight in the Senate New Braunfels HeraldZeit Editor and Publisher David Sultens General Manager Cheryl OuVall Managing MarkLyon Advertising Director Paul Davis Circulation Director Carol Arm Avefy Pressroom Foreman Douglas Brandt Classified Manager Karen Reinlngef City Editor Roger Groieau Published on Sunday and weekday roomings through Fwtoy by the Braunfdi Comal County Tx 781311328 Second dm postage paid by ibeNw Ihflp New Texas Cwnor delivered in Const and GugUupe couaiei Ifcw months winwuhi one year Senior Citizen Discount by caqna delivery only ox yen Mail in three cue year Mail outside Twuu six moaUu one year Suteoiben who have not received newspaper by Tuesday through or by 730 ajn op Sunday call 210 6259144 x 210 6060846 toilfee fix Seguin Mmoa Canyon Lake Bulvode and San Antonio by 7 pm or by 11 unop Sunday PoyjMAjrai Send addrcis to the New Bnwf els HeraldZtilung Bnunfcb 781311328 BELFAST Northern Ireland AP a possible end to 24 years of killing the Irish Republican Army today began a ceasefire but Britain has ruled out peace talks unless the group proves its violence has perma nently slopped British Prime Minister John Major called the IRAs Wednesday pledge to stop attacks on Protestants and British troops in Northern Ireland very welcome but noted it didnt actually for Cptbolics Teactedf joy to the announcement Members of the Protes tant majority expressed disbelief and suspicion Several hundred Catholics banged garbage can lids and cheered outside police stations and army barracks as clocks struck midnight signaling the start of the ceasefire Youths climbed Today in history Analysis poles of police surveillance cameras decorating them with Irish flags Oth ers blocked traffic and jumped atop army vehicles as soldiers looked on Midnight tonight was the first step towards lasting said John Hume the moderate Catholic leader of the Social Democratic and Labor Party IRA units carried out three reported gun attacks in the two hours before the deadline but no one was hurt police said Leaders of Protestant groups known as unionists for their desire to keep Northern Ireland part of Great Britain immediately called the ceasefire inadequate saying the IRA needed to make U permanent and hand over its weapons before its political wing Sinn Fein could join talks Unionist parties will not be sitting down with Sinn Fein before Christ mas That is just complete said Chris McGimpsey a key strategist for the Ulster Unionists the largest proBritish party We can get caught up in the eupho ria if we want and in six months time well be brought down to earth with a bump The reality is that the commu nities have been torn asunder princi pally by the said Gregory Camp bell a leading member of the extrem ist Democratic Unionist Party The unionists suspect a secret deal between British officials and Sinn Fein triggered the IRA truce We are asked to believe that today the IRA has sacrificed all turned away from violence left their guns to one side which they would never do ova 25 years for nothing absolutely nothing no deal no bargain Im sorry I just cant believe Campbell said More than people have died in the IRAs 24year campaign to end British rule about half of them were killed by the IRA the rest by loyalists security forces and splinter republi can groups The IRA wants to unify Northern Ireland with overwhelmingly Roman Catholic Ireland Even with an IRA ceasefire there was no guarantee Protestant violence would end The two main Protestant groups the Ulster Volunteer Force and the larger Ulster Defense Association have combined to kill 30 people this year almost twice the 17 deaths claimed by the IRA Protestant extrem ists on Wednesday claimed their latest victim Sean McDermott a 37year old Catholic shot through the head By TrwAMoclated Press Today is Friday Sept 2 the 245th day of 1994 There jjo It days inthe yearx Toddy1 highlight in history Fifty years ago on Sept during World War II Navy pilot George Herbert Walker Bush was shot down by Japanese forces as he compkied a bombing run over the Bonin Islands Bush was res cued by the crew of the submarine Finback his two crew members however died On misdate In 1666 the Great Fire of London broke out claiming thousands of homes but only a few lives in the several days that it burned In 1864 during the Civil War Union Gen William T Shermans forces occupied Atlanta one day after the Confederates had retreated In 1901 Vice President Theodore Roosevelt offered the advice Speak softly and cany a big in a speech at the Minnesota Stale Fair In 1945 Tokyo time Japan formally surrendered to the Allies in ceremonies aboard the USS Mis souri ending World War II In m5 Ho Chi Minh declared Vietnam an inde pendent republic ID Alabama Gov George C Wallace pre vented the integration of Tuskegee High School by encircling the building with slate troopers la 1969 North Vietnamese president Ho Chi Minhdied In 1985 it was announced that a expedition had located the wreckage of the Titanic about 560 miles off Newfoundland In 1991 the Unigd States formally recognized the independence of Lithuania Latvia and Estonia Ten years ago In a paid broadcast on NBC radio Democratic presidential nominee Walter F Mon dale suggested President Reagan didnt respect the wall of separation of church and stale saying gov enunent must be oemutted to dictate the religious life of our Five ago In Nicaragua a 14party opposi tion coalition chose Violeta Barrios de Chainonro to be Us presidential 3ndidate ;

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