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New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - August 13, 1985, New Braunfels, Texas 4 New Bf aunf August pinions Dave Editor and General Manager Susan Managing Edih r On c Mike Royko There are some strange people running around these days r 4 J OeJ J o1 Ya getting tough to find any good news even in a small town newspaper Ellen Goodman Til let the bird have the berries if hell share BOSTON First Ipt mo arlmif tVint A tnnnh BOSTON First let me admit that it is at least half my I cannot entirely blame the blue the one I have come to call Nemesis for this lengthy criminal After I am the one who originally planted the blueberry bushes in the back forty A courtappointed defense attorney for Nemesis would undoubtedly describe these urban bushes as an attractive Berries are to birds what a swimming pool is to an asphalt jungle or a BMW to a deserted He might even convince a jury that this was a classic case of en I that any selfrespecting creature who didnt merely want to rip off the labor of others and had some respect for private property could have found other Mine are not the only blueberries within several city There is a supermarket right down the If Nemesis chose my market it was probably because he liked the hours It was open 24 hours a seven days a An aviary convenience the price was right and there was no checkout But I am getting ahead of the Until I considered Nemesis to be a decent enough A bit noisy now and but you get to used to that in the A touch but up there we like like a tough Frankly I respected him because he didnt escape south every As the bushes began to bear Nemesis began to hang around a but I had no way of knowing that he was casing the I thought he was admiring my day on about July 6 we must be careful with dates in criminal charges the jay bird began his career in The moment the berries turned he turned The other birds in the neighborhood might have one for but Nemesis seemed to regard these bushes al allyoucan eat night at Howard Some members of the jury will say that I should have bought a I did buy a This raised the cost of the berries to approxiamtely a pound and the charge to grand lar The net barely slowed him But it wasnt the money that finally got me It was the sheer gall of the He had the cool that characterizes a sociopathic I can call an expert witness on Any other bird would flee when I came out but Nemesis would not even flutter until I came within three To describe him as cheeky is not He had the nerve of the leader of a street All he needed was a leather Now as any polltaker from the American Enterprise Institute can tell a neoconservative is a liberal whos been The swiftest way to harden someone soft on crime is to trespass on her So it was that I became a cardcarrying member of the lawandorder wingandbeak Indeed there were moments these last when my family feared that I would put a National Rifle Association sticker on the fence and buy Sunday afternoon I took to charging at this flybyday screaming at him like someone in Marine boot At the very least I was hoping to give him one glorious morning last I went outside to get my allotment of berries and there he My Nemesis was trapped under the He couldnt find his way I had him As I the bird lost his cool and began flinging himself nervously from one side of his prison to the And what did I do hopel ess recidivist in the ranks of the bleeding I lifted the netting and let him I wish I could tell you that Nemesis learned his lesson and went This is not the He has been back for his regular Twice in the past week he has been caught again in the netting and twice more I have let him The last time I had the distinct impression that he had been waiting for me to help him The reality is that I have become his accomplice if not his Let out on he commits another Allowed only one telephone call from his I am sure he would dial my I have now decided to retreat to the last resort of If I cannot reform I can decriminalize I shall deed him the right to eat my mean our if he doesnt mind sharing them with Whats Your Beef Got a complaint or a comment about something in Comal or Guadalupe counties Write it down or call the HeraidZeitung with it and it might wind up as a part of Bob Bakers Whats Your Beef Our mailing address is Drawer New Braunfels The phone number is and were open from 8 to 5 Monday through All kinds of local ideas are but the HeraidZeitung reserves the right to select the ideas to be used in the If you idea appears in Whats Your well give you credit in the TM60IN6 PURING MRB ISH05T1NGA ITS HAS JUST 1POUT THINK IM USING FAMILIAR MTHTHAT PARTY PKUGf ANPCONTIHUeWIR IMPORTANT SRJHOB THGISNT GOTOSCHOL In the few months that she has lived in Nancy has discovered how easy it is to meet interesting and unusual For was on her way downtown to her advertising job the other She was standing at a bus stop on the trendy North A car pulled up to the curb directly in front of It was a snazzy white Datsun one of the favorite signs of prosperity and conspiciuous consumption among the statusconscious A balding young man in dark glasses was behind the He was wearing a tanktop which is the kind of shirt my grand father and his burly pals used to wear when they sat on the front steps and drank dark They are now worn in bars by thin young men who drink light beer Nancy looked at wondering for a moment if he was somebody she Then she noticed something He had a Wall Street Journal open on his For a moment she assumed that he was a busy young glancing at his newspaper while waiting for traffic lights to I thought it was kind of weird for somebody to be reading a paper while driving a Then the young man smiled and lifted the newspaper from his revealing that he was naked from the tanktop Although she is from Nancy instantly realized that this was peculiar I was being she 1 looked around and there was another woman standing near but she hadnt see I didnt want to create a so I didnt say anything to Then the light changed and he drove He turned the corner and went up the As it I majored in journalism at the University of so I know a little about getting I spotted his license plate as he drove off and I jotted it when I got to my ap I phoned the police to report I assumed that with his license the make of the car and his the police would be able to do something about Nancy called the police emergency number and told the female dispatcher who answered what she had I gave her a complete the the she said What do yo want me to do about it I told her Maybe you could run down his license plates and try to fine And she said if we sen a car over there hell surely Angered by so causual an Nancy called Im not naive enough to think that the police have nothing better to do than chase flashers all the But maybe it is something more than He could be a sick child molestor or have a background of more serious but the dispatcher obviously didnt the police do care about flashers and have arrested many of including two of the most unusual Ive every heard One was the famous El Station flasher on the South Side of He liked to stand on an elevated wearing a topcoat and looking like a fullyclothed man with shirt and But as a train would slowly begin he would throw open his revealing to the passengers that under the he wore only a phony shirt front and tie and troiiser legs that reached only from his knees to his Then there was the famous jogger At a he appeared to be wearing dark But as he jogged past they were shocked to see what appeared to be dark pants was his skin sprayed with dark But to get back to the Wall Street Journal We called one of the supervisors at the police dispatch office and he said Maybe there was a misun What The man flaunted his naked body at the young Well look into he the police later questioned took the license number and her description of the man Which is less flattering than he would probably have liked and they are going to look for am getting his name and will try to interview Id like to know why he chose a Wall Street Journal instead of something more such as the National Of the Journal is about an inch wider than most standardsized which could be a But from what Nancy said about the young a tabloid would have provided more than adequate Your representatives Mark White Governors Office Room 200 State Capitpl Texas 78701 John Traeger Texas Senate Capitol Station Texas 78711 Phil Gramm United States Senate Washington 20510 House of Representatives 20515 RePEdmund Kuempel Lloyd Bentsen Texas House R Senate of Representatives Room 240 Russell Bldg Box 2910 20510 Texas 78769 Tom Loeffler House of Representatives 1212 Longworth House Office Bldg 20515
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