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New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung (Newspaper) - May 30, 1985, New Braunfels, Texas 4New Bfaunfete May Mike Royko demerits see below pinions HaraldZeitung General Manager Botwrt Editor Andy Rooney Its sometimes difficult not to take pleasure from someone elses The home computer business has taken an unexpected turn for the worse and I cant suppress a I know why I feel that All of us hate to be out of no matter what the latest thing and was beginning to feel out of it because I didnt have a home Now that Ive learned that millions of other Americans didnt buy one I feel much I saw the ads listing all the ways a home computer would help simplify my life and solve all my being an AllAmerican I didnt want to be the last kid on my block who didnt have I hadnt bought a new car in several years so I decided I had enough money to buy a Week after week I kept going into bid farewell to home computers the places that sold The salesmen would start by telling me how I could learn to write my own I listened to alJ the program talk and then I realized I didnt know what a program You just set up your own program the one you theyd tell Program Id You to me a program is either a show I watch on television or the magazine I buy on the way into the stadium to see a football game so Ill know the names and numbers of all the Any other use of the word program is foreign to The computer salesman would tell me how I could use my home computer to keep my accounts to save my telephone to store recipes and to keep our Christmas card I could even keep track of the people who sent us cards that we didnt send cards so we wouldnt be em barrassed again next The computer salesmen knew a lot about their particular lines of computers but almost nothing about any There has been very little cooperation on standards within the Its as if gas for a Ford wouldnt work in a Dodge Even when the salesmen knew a lot about they didnt know anything about They didnt for that I dont have what youd call I have money in the bank and I get I pay the bills with money out of the Thats There isnt any computer program that would help Id be killing a fly with a sledge As for telephone I keep them in a small black book that works just fine and doesnt have to be plugged into an electrical As for I like to cook but I dont use recipes very If I need to know I go directly to Fanny Farmer or The Joy of They satisfy my need for culinary I certainly wouldnt start fooling with an expensive computer if I had flour and butter all over my As for the Christmas card we keep last years cards until weve made out next Its apparent to me and must now be ap parent to the makers of computers that they were trying to sell a piece of equipment that didnt really have a purpose in the average People were properly amazed at what a computer could do but they just didnt need to have it I like the convenience of being able to get someplace quickly by flying on an airplane but I dont feel the need to buy one and learn to fly it Thats the way I feel about I recognize their importance but I am not interested in becoming an expert in their A lot of educators are saying that anyone who doesnt know how to operate a computer will be a computer Count me One educator said anyone who didnt learn how to operate a computer would be han Maybe Ill be able to park in one of those spots reserved for the handicapped right near the door of supermarket because Im going to be a computerilliterate New Baseball CA16EP ACCOUNT OF SNOW ARTIFICIAL QRA55 STOP Your representatives Lloyd Bentsen United States Senate Room 240 Russell Bldg 20510 Mark White Governors Office Room 200 State Capitol Texas 78701 PhilGramm United States Senate Washington 20510 JohnTraeger Texas Senate Capitol Station Texas 78711 Edmund Kuempel Texas House of Representatives Box 2910 Texas 78769 Tom Loeffler House of Representatives 1212 Longworth House Office Bldg 20515 Mac Sweeney Guadalupe County House of Representatives 20515 Mike Royko Theres no such thing as a good golf game S HO SDOrt a hoi it en nufctonrlino cmlfofc i Theres no sport about which so many outrageously false claims are made as For if you picked up an ad that said you could suddenly become a sensational baseball player if you bought a particular baseball glove or you would snort in But open any golf publication and you will see page after page of ads that claim this golf stick will give you incredible that golf ball will defy and this golf book will give you the 10 secrets of the ancient Scots to the perfect golf Its all The proof is that golfers spend billions each year buying this And 95 percent of them are terrible and will always be With a few there are only two sure ways to become an outstanding golfers Be born a rich kid so your father can pay a professional to teach you how to play when you are 6 years Be the son of a professsional so he can start giving you lessons when you are 6 years But golfers refuse to believe these They rush to buy the ball with the most the driver with the meteorite the putter with the heeltoeeyeearnose after they swing and the ball plops into a bush behind they wonder Can the problem be me And they ask a pro to look at their saying Do you see anything wrong If he were the pro woud say I see that you are un hopelessly in terrible physical and there is not the slightest possibility that you will ever be anything but an embarrassment to the game of to yourself and to your loved I suggest you take up Even if the ball goes in the it will roll in the right the pro nods sagely and says I think you need just a little more shoulder And now comes the most outrageous golf claim of them While thumbing through a golf I found a news item that said some golf organization had commissioned a medical The study claims that golf is ex cellent exercise it is good for ones Not only is golf not good for it is bad for your The proof is right in front of our Go to any golf course and look at the bodies of It looks like a National Belly Next to Japanese golfers have the most unsightly bodies of any its worse than They have the worst bodies of any group of people outside of the Cook County Im not talking about the muscular professional golfers we see on They arent People dont know but a couple of decades the government began secret ex periments in genetic In other These ex periments have led to the modern golf the professional basketball and footballs defensive But thats another as it is played by most cartriding is not only less exercise than walking the dog or but it can destroy a healthy Ninetynine percent of all golfers suffer from The bad the great are filled with stress because they are And somebody behind them is yelling that they should play And every time they hit a ball into a they have lost What other game fines you for doing something that has already plunged you into depression The few good players suffer from stress because they are playing with or behind bad And they know that to remain they must practice for long hours at a This makes their wives and they retaliate by making their husbands Thats why golfers rush from the 18th hold to the nearest Their nerves are So they drink to IT P1NHSR calm their And their noses get red and their hands A study by the internationally respected Institute of Random Guesses shows that by the time they reach at least 87 percent of aJl golfers end up with red The institute also found that the average bird watcher will live years longer than the average And when he it will be with a smile on his face and a chirping last You ask what my qualifications are to make these statements It happens that I am that rare an outstanding at I could It all depends on whether my new sticks with the shafts made of compressed moon fragments are as good as they SOME OF W STILL Aril ANP YOU KNOW CAKKYON ABOUT BUT WHY PIP THEY HAW TO CALLPEACB WHY OFFIOK5 I Mailbag policy The HeraldZeitung welcomes the opinions of its and were happy to publish letters to the While readers opinions on local issues generally are of more interest to other we welcome letters on any topic national or international that the writer chooses to Content wUl not prevent publication unless the letter is judged to be potentially All letters to the editor should be signed and authorship must be verifiable by Anonymous letters will not be Send your letter to New Braunfels Drawer 361 New Braunfels Utters may also be band delivered to the offices at
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