Saturday, December 6, 1890

Marion Star

Location: Marion, Ohio

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Text Content of Page 3 of Marion Star on Saturday, December 6, 1890

Marion Star, The (Newspaper) - December 6, 1890, Marion, Ohio ABOUT MISTAKEN WIT. THE PIPE IN GRANDFATHER'S MOUTH -HOW GRANDMAMMA DANCED. Vuu Xot by at Vour to He FIIUII.X ami VI Nul to FuuBjr. some: line- hear pt r-mus playfully warn-d "not to IK- funny or they will Jinrt Uut it is quite true that mistaken idea- of humor often do tesult iu mis- fortune to the and one gener- ally iliat the misfortune is well fUiinsfh deserved. 1 knexv uiu- young man who cut hiin- K-lf out of his grandfather's will by tk' telling a pipe a.- coming out of the month of that venerable gentleman's portrait, and a yuung lady who lost the "iti i if li> r brocade dress of unknown xalue by humorously illus1- tr.it ing the old lady's probable style of dancing in her youth. A-for more sex-ere practical jokes, fexv per-oii.- in complain to. Another priictieal joke which came under my notice xvas the contriving that two very young people should discuss in an arbor where a wag was hidden, who, imitating the girl's father, suddenly cried out: '-Un- hand them, villain! My ducats and my and then fl.nl. but was pur- sued and caught in the midst of his ac- complices, and so xvas started a fend that no time will heal. But apart from such crass brutalities as thes- how many iiersons soxv endless regrets for themselves and others by mistaken humor. Most women are seu- sitix-e as to th.'ir age. It may be foolish, but it is almost miix-ersal. and there is no intimacy, no degree of relationship, no Kciixil'lciicsit on the part of the recipient, that can maU> a j-st that turns upon age acceptable to a woman, or for that mat- ter to a man. for the lords of creation have a :rreat deal more petty vanity than they to take credit for. I once hoard a bachelor of altont 50 dogmati- cally assorting tli.it Washington's inan- gnratii >n day very hot. The ques- tion was discniwi'd until at last one vonng lady flippantly remarked, "Well, since Mr. was there nnd saxv it xx-e mii-t believe it.'' Poor So-and-so always has a spiteful word for that girl's name xx-henever it is mentioned. Nor do any circumstances or relation- ship make a caricature of him. or herself acceptable or funny to its subject, There are very fexv of us who might not be caricatured by a clever draughtsman so as to make our friends shake with laniflit'T. bur not one of them nor would the art i-t find a carica- ture of their or his own peculiarities one-tenth part so funny; iu fact, most of us would nui-tly set up an abiding dis- like to the iH-ir-'trator of this admirable married woman to sparkle iu the eyes certain of her admirer? by mak- ing of others a whetstone for her satire. The butt of ridicule, however clever, howexvr polished her rapier play may be, feels each thrust with jfinartiuj: anger, and the they laugh and applaud, go away whis- pering in each other's ears: "What a tongue! Tni glad she's not my lier figure, au 1 she preferred to huimlia'iou. Iu fact, to -am the whole thin.: up. personal pecnlUriM-s are uii-t.ikeu ob- of humor. i anything that of the shall iujutv the j subject, or anything; that him to the ridicule.'f oranx thing tUat shall throw an ab- surditx- around him and hi.- future ist- AWAY. AWAY YOU ALL AT ONCE. Aud to my mind m-re have terance- To to attract the men je-t.-uji. Nor i.-it vife to jest upon an- other's mi-take- in social or educational matters. '-.Just fancy what my xvif- said when] Prof. .j-or Lnr.i d liis theory of aster- j oids. a-Y-iif they weren't a kind i of pnnctnatic.il marks! Thought he meant So said a great, stu- pid. Tiature.1 man the other night in i-omii.inx. and had idea his wife would "nifher ho had surreptitiously pint lied her black and bine. Nor. if you wouM keep your friend, over point out or narrate or seem to perceive alisnrd in connection with him or her. No matter how ridicu- he running for the train, with coat tail- flying out behind, don't make a. '.rood .-Tory of it. whether in or aluence. No matter hoxv funny her attitude, expression were wh-n the mous- seemed in seeking refuge her yon tliink about wished through their wit than through their stupidity. A man's ideal that U. the ideal woman for a 1 fancy, never very witty, and in fact may be decidedly stupid, but invariably she must swivt. patient, and iu a word comfortable, and these qualities seldom exist with wit. Another mistaken form of wit is the irrepressible, and this is more often found among men than women. Who dues not know him, usually middle aged, often a bachelor, but sometimes the product of a course of female adulation administered by wife, mother and sisters? Conversation with such a person as becomes impossible, for he regards what- ever you may say as a mere opening for his own brilliancy. have lost my father since I saw you." induces the reply: "He's gone farther but not to fare worse." or perhaps, -Profit and 1 trust it will prove." 1 know a person of this sort to whom it is impossible to narrate anything; he ig so busy in looking for an opening for his own jokes that he cannot follow the thread of any story or take a rational iu- any discussion. I once wrote a note inviting him to lunch to meet a stranger, but added. "And please not to make any puns and very fexv jokes, iis this gentleman is not callable of appre- ciating humor, and might think himself insulted." Another mistaken humorist is he appreciates his own jests more twin any- body else does, and begins by saying: tell yon the funniest thing! You'll just die of and laughs so im- moderately himself that can hardly gather -what he says, and feel much more like yawning than smiling. The most successful manner of jesting is the unconscious, and nobody ever made me laugh so much as a long, lean, sallow, lantern jawed western man. who used to sit looking as if he were at his mother's funeral, and in a low, monoto- nous voice without a smile in it tell sto- ries absolutely painful in their mirth compelling quality. Two most objectionable forms of hn- inor are the indelicate and the profane, and I am happy in believing that these are largely going out of fashion among decent people, or, at any Kite, in the pres- ence of people of another turn of mind. Xo matter how funny such a jest or such a story may be. it is emphatically a mistaken form of wit, and I for one al- ways feel that I hav.; received an injury by having an association of ideas forced upon me which I may never be ablet., forget, and by which things that I might reverence or iuhnire. or matters of which I have liitherto taken no thought, become subjects of annoyance and mortification, for no woman wishes to understand, or to appear to understand, a double enten- dre, and to force her to do so is both an insult and an injury. Another odious form of hnmoris what college boys call hazing, and consists in the united attack of a certain number of persons upon a solitary victim. There are persons whose lives are made a xreari- ness and a burden to them through this kind of persecution, who never can get anvbody to treat them seriously, who are in the position of Victor Hug- L'Hom me A'i'f, and never open their mouths on the most solemn or tender subject xvith- ont being greeted with deriaion and jo- cose replies. This form of humorous persecution often seen iu families where all seem to oth. r or to hera.d them with one's own approval, or laugh xxhil- one make others or to make where the taste of the hearer revolt- a: that of hu mor, oi to upon IH-HIJI funny when hearer-prefer to K- to lie indelicate. to irrexerent of mat- ters sacivd to your hearers, whether it Iv the holy cats of the Uanges. the "con- trol" of a Spiritualist, the fetich of a or tin we matter.- ouce uni- versally ivgar.le-1 holy, whatever tin- thing may if it is a thins held by your auditor, it should be sacred from voiir wit. In fact, it is very ea-y to tell what is mi-taken wit. 1'iit I hax.-m.t undertaken to tell, nor do 1 intend M attempt telling, what is real wit. Suffue it to say that, like the iNX-tic afflatus, it is "miA-itur noit not manufactured. us hair. in a -t-- N nn-xe kulxe-.v. t -tains, aii'th i Then the stn Van lwA M.....M It.-. l.ii-r Auioug Tlicm lU-il.c y Your Al.ililv I.. U.-ad 1'bl- to t'n.'XV UX-..L Pi... 1.0.1..H..I1 Itiimrr I-u.tl. j luliii t li> Kifur XV Nj Ti BiLL NVE ORDERS BE THANKFUL .-rul 1! TO, t I. loll.... proclamation m.iy not j day but rexerie or ebra'l.'li "t n .t it may be tv> confess: Whereas, it by reference to I the hi.-tt.ry vl th- world and otii.-r sta- j ti-tics that the past year has one unusually prosperous iu many respects and especially to meuilicrs of the lesris- lature throughout the leusfth and breadth of the Tinted States: and int.- i fill primaries and I S..me day w iiili c I bu-x. and xvliile I that a l.ixv .T gne-s ;1 which xx..11! 1 exeiylkvlx lu-t relieve the -xv !ln: joint, and n-'.iii t on W.ill iv 1 !U-. l would Ih'st t. riu of ..tU.-ei'f and tu'.i- f the political regular biennial t. the d.iy to Iv-t show -v- of the l-lf-siur- I'- p.i-t .-.ii.l t.. t'.ieh t.. it VI tuture K-ixvn uiorea1.1 1 cki-y- thi- prvfc-lain -M.-I xviih out t'llls pllll'l. '.V of the Ann ne.m i .iti.in. xvith own e. t'." p.-ldellt ot in .u- t.ivors v.h.ixvn and f.-rl at i'M- Mv j f. f in 1 d.-.u-t- an.! 1 ixe them t If.ui. r.iie-. j H- win.-- me that "f t! ii.it t." Kul.th t'.imk the ..liable. 1 aid ii'.i'i a-i> noti.v.ible h.iriu. day may be s.i ar- rve the ilitercst- ill'.n-. M-abiof st.ite- f..: 1 left Startlwg The Auierican are rapidly becoM- itu; a raoeof nervous wrecks, and fW- ma the N st remedy: Alpbon- M> iiiitler, that III-OMI wa to ...'iiviilsions j a D. I IIIIH-'I an.i iicixou.- iTistration iiy one bottle. 1 Iria! Iw.ttl.-s. 1.V..I Tlie late fall styU-s are so pretty andi coquettish that even a plain woman may j look pretty in them if she only knows herself, Itei- failings and her points, and dresses to make theliest of the worst ones and enhance the liest. Two of the prettiest of the season depend the ensemble for their full effect. One is of tacitly agreed to make some one the batt of all the rest, and I have often been present at scenes that reminded me of a pack of terriers wor- rving a poor puss unable either to escape or to defend herself. Of course it is '-all in fun" and not maliciously intended, an 1 probably if the victim were seriously ill or in great visible affliction the ter- riers would become sympathetic broth- ers an-1 sisters, father and mother, hus- band or wife, but until the matter comesto some such issue nobody guesses the pangs of humiliation, anger, wounded feeling and even growing hatred that a long course of mistaken wit can induce in ita object. I have quoted the father whose sons "rish" as a synonym for stupid, dunce, or blundering, and 1 also knew a wife and mother to whom nature had btc-n unkind in inducing an enormous bulk and unwieldy figure. Her husband was a witty man, and his two daughters ESSKNTl.VI.I.Y PAUISIXX. prune faille xx-ith velvet stripes, made sheath shajied in front and fan shaped in the back, iit is of maize colored satin. The gloves are maize color, and the felt hat is large, cream colored and trimmed with yellow velvet asters and black velvet. This costume can be worn as a carriage dress, a reception and visit- ing costume and a dinner toilet. The black fan has of asters and a flot of corn colored satin ribbon. The other charming gown is of faded indigo blue camel's hair, trimmed with rich passementerie'iti cashmere colors, and a high wired frill of lace around the neck. A dark bine velvet shirred toque is trimmed with shaded plumes in blue. This i? a very dainty and delicate cos- tume for a y.xung idrl. Walking dres-es are divided li-tweeii the ojstinctix-fly French and the English. One lovely walking govrn is of the beau- tiful new cachemerienne. which is of maux-e, brocaded in xvhite lace pattern, cut on the bias. The skirt has the wrin- kled apron drapery in front and full plaits in the back, the liottom plain. The corsage is yoke shape, with black velvet sides coming down to a pointed girdle, with of velvet riblxm at tho side. The sleevos are medium high, ackcd in gracefully here and there. A dainty little mauve toque xx-ith asters this. A JAY. Whereas. No serious plague or famino or war has laid the fair face of the republic: and Whereas The wages of a crew of near- Iv thirty men working in a button fac- tory iu Yiutland, N. J., have been ad- vanced 15 per cent, ail valorem since the passage of the McKinley bill; and Whereas, Now times begin to brighten np all over our land as a result of tho payment of my election bets; and Whereas. Tho man who was on tho stump a few weeks ago, and now iu the pottages, has ceased to state that wo aro now upon the eve of one of tho most im- portant elections in tho history of this or any other country; .-wid Whereas. The reception of the literary works of Tolstoi and McAllister havo given us good reason to Iteliuve that tho In e-iymg tin- 1 think 1 v.'Vethesenti- ment of of our K'-t on Si.iten 1-laiid. Ofci.nr-.'. 1 can handle an oidmarx Wa'.l Mieet I'-inic mvself temporarily e.uii f.ill if It not coiiw tooc.nl> but reunlar polit- ical panic .-ii.iidd -inke the country ju-t afl'-r I b.id bought '1 here are many otiur causes for thanksgiving the silent tontine of the or.itor. bat none tliat me b.--ter. I h.-.ird a man the other day in a political tell the anecdote of tho Ix.y who to ln> puiis as and failed. Afterward he tried to mar- ket them as Uepnbli.-an pups, charging anseoii them beraii-c they had their eyes open now. If any ono who reads this story lu-re will swear that he read or heard this story In-fore, and that he has not been for the past years with Kmin tScy. 1 will send him by reg- istered mail a UK-- feather bed which is almost as good as new. And yet the spe.iker had K-eii in cim- press. where mo-t of tb.o good new- stories originate. A congressman who has served one term and cannot tell his constituents at least one KIHM! new story new at not to be re- elected. I would as think of going to Duluth nnd building a big ice machine on the fnippcd that great American Cay of Naples as to attempt a new story in tho presence of a member of Boccaccio, Arabian B. Knights or Balzac, after a day or two in the cloakrooms and restaurants of the Capitol, would go home and proceed to plow com till called homo by tho hand of death. Yes, we niM ever plad, ever peaceful lh- rx.-d .It h.illle ae j .n, n i and nothing pr-i 1.im.ition sh.ill l-ej lu-d a- I.i jeik .'.inner .'lit "f the .f the d.iy anl it into th k. t: i- -.N'lti i-f t he llundr. d and -.1- ot .mr Ijord and of tin- fie L'nile.l States the fc'oiirti-eiilh. nictatetl. Letter typewrote by y. SU-nogi-aphfr and IM.uul' dinner table Oh, by the way. Chopsticks, have you -i-en your httle b..y Willie Mrs. No. profess..r. I have not si-en him -since o'clock, and 1 can't imagine what IK-CO me of him. In fact I am very much worried him. 1'rofes.ior --Well, swing Martha me out that glass of water now re- minded me of something that 1 had on 15ATJOYS Both the method and results of Figs is taken; it is pleasant ainl (fl the taste, mid actt pently promptly on the Kidneys. Liver and cleanses the sys- tem cllectuallv, tli-pols head- aches ami and cures habituaC constipation. Syrup of Figs ia the only remedy of its kind ever pro- my mind to tell you s. which unfortunately It xx-asjust about 1" t line ago. but my mind. Ux-k 1 think that fall down tho duced, the taste and ac- scavenger and the snob must still keep outside of good society: and Wherwis. I feel like it: Therefore, I, Edgar Wilson Nye, of tho county of Richmond, and state of New Yoik, do hereby constitute and set aside the Thursday following tho publication of this proclamation as a dav of general joy and thanksgiving last past has one of nl- most iinesampled prosperity from the subscriber's standpoint, and Thanks- giving proclamations are generally xvrit- ten by ii man who feeling pretty com- fortable himself. The year biis indeed been real prosperous. Our growth tbro'-.irliout the length and breadth of the land lias been phenomenal, and in some cases repreln-n-ible. If piidding had been as high before tho census xvas take n as it is noxv many United States cities would have eyetber much de- pressed in figures or hopelessly in debt. Another r-.iuse for congratulation is that for a fexv months New York has not been ashamed of her babies, bringing out many from concealment and count- ing the noses of nations yet unborn. Ox-er and above all, xve congratulate everybody and shake hands xxnth voters vou Unirand1 -heritrf 1-e to be a, i r i, i, rrVf ont hearing sf.me jocose allusion to her ,-lL of wit is that Sometimes she was called liv which a rather slow and simple per" an i T t t >r up needles and hated tailors. api.-ar. and nianv a man who has not j iliscussion a.- i the xvitf.r. tort Vjuit-caniprchendMheiof the carnage springs and tbe cruelty hid lensnh.- and and almost! to the horse, in-ult- th- i- launrhmff at his U was top in a there was -tolid comi.rehension. I waa i an outcry that she must be put in the i.reW at a painful scene, middl-. or plenty of ballast taken in wh-r- the rath-r d-af. com- i counterUilance her weisht, or a w-mder in.mpi.ice and decid-llv I if the sheathing of the boat would head ..f a hon-e sndd-nlr remarked to a .-rich pressure; in fact, the mann-rs and forms of gibe were manifold, but ail -Madam. I have always thought it very i'l iuanri-r.- to in the t.j family matters from which ih-y are .-scHded. and I will tht-Tvfoiv- that when my n-.-the t.-rm-nsii" anything e-pn-ially and stupid ni-an -fatheri-li." which is with them the- -XTT .-.yni ,f all these- qualities. Th'ise vonn_r inea very witty f-1- cam- to the same end. and in spite ol preat control and dignity on part of the sufferer. I havt; too oft-i the sudilen flush, or the conipre-s-d WAI-KFXO The English -tyle a gown of drab cloth with a wide band of brown and white polka dot surah around the bottom, and the vest fr'-nt and for'-ann of the of the same. It shape and tailor with higli flaring collar. With is worn th- sailor hat in brown, very correct but not graceful. and because the election over. The loud sinellini? torch and can- didate have- been laid asido till another time, and Ihe cainiKiijrri lie, with a large, irregular nailhole in it, is in tho hull of the country P.IIK.T. There aro many canws for per.-onal gnit illation and rongratuliition. Tho btout l.i-ly who had a room aliove mine at the iJoardmg house, and xvho xvas jumping the in order to reduce her xveisht. has decided that it is not btne- fiting hf-r and has ceasf-d. a new ceiling put on my room. Al-otothe roof of my ht-ad. I do not find largo piws of plaster in my V-d in the morn- ing, and sofjn I can take off the piecu I on my But the clearing up of the political at- mosphere i-5 the chief cause for national joy, and the greatest. Why, by the way, should xve. hax-e el-clions so frr-quontly? If th-v were txvo or thruo tinif-s as far apart xve could almost afford to con- gress pass any bill it wanted to, and we could meet it xvith our savings from gin and kerosene. And to whom does the great Sf-a of campaign go? it go to tho rhurr-h or the state, th- widow or the orphan, the hon- est indn-triou.s or afflicted? Nay. be.vitifnl r-ad-r with the violet breath: n.-iy, Ff.ft read-r with the ititellf---tnal fhonld-r- on your wr.ip. the grand old ocean of fund.- st-.il-! not up to lave the the starvini'. or co.l th- broxv '.f the invalid. It not the tliir-i of the dying and it v.ft-n-. not the ix-1 Tin.- camjciixn fund th- rolling It print-, j and trart-. win- H Tioiiody It btiy-. fit- and contented, ever thankful and hope- ful, xxdieti time comes to lay aside the battered flambeau club, and xvith a sUrli of rc-li.-f throw our old lie nailer into the tool box for another txvo years. Then let us march on, ;uid, liko the bobtail cnr driver, never look back. L-'. rejoice that xx-u are spared to tackle tho old thing again for yet another trip. us up and press onward like :i bright eyed j-iy esamining tho exteriur of The Nexv York World building. Let us lay :iM.le every weight that doth so easily beset us liko .1 Fulton market salesman, ntid light out like a who ha.- been warned .-ixvay from n honietV ncft by a committeo from tho nest it- self. The past year hhowu us us n peo- ple that hniwsty is the lx-st policy, and for onu I think of taking out ono myself. It has also convinced us of the prf-x-.i- lence of cx-il and its great in the neighlHirhood. It has Khowu us the xx-i.-kol do, of course, prosper init th-y xviil one day find that shrouds have no pockds in them. Also no v.-isi-liiKj or Cold en-am for burns scalds, etc., etc. Let iwr.-j.-ico that Ward McAllist.-r among js regarded a- :i doubtful xx-aid, and that Hiobbery is not society in country among the great majority and n-v.-r will be till money i.-, more plenty. Lf-t be glad that toxvii of New Vt.rk still somtj ginid hunting and li-hing within the city and that within Huht of tiie Statue of Liberty ono may ptill hunt the fleet footed chain is of Ihe Il.-irl. in. I am gratil'n-d that we are to have ii long, cold xvinter, which xvill a bo'nn to mv nexv Almanai; and fur ov.-i.-oat, Ihe latter of xvhi.-h I did not baveaclnmc loMiow off la'-t -.-a- eM.-'-pt on- evening at a re n did. A phase of this is that whereby a bright girl or young a las.-, and the It buys i form of wit' ably the wiuw-st of strangers would not whole will be no mean addition to a din- union depot. irl or young consider it appropriate to jest her npen I ing i clock, spereln.. that would i f-vf-ry C' horn% i- xvith It which tne record -.f candidate. It biiv- or-t'ory xvhi'-h wonM f hi--, and n among l.at.d-i in tht ,f Satan's gr- -it that wo-ild '-mpty a w.uld ctop t remove super 1 was ahl.f-p Stre.-t Smith's ffll i.uto' b-d N. Miinnu'-r, CIM INN x Local Time Card. 11- How mtirh did it r She-Tin Ci-nt.-i a xard. MI-- I Ih. it is ixildr-nnglx- it n than ID M. m. I rj um.n.ni. 'r. m. SB 4'i i.. at. i No. n i No. 11.50a.jn. I'ti.l.-nlly T- kinir at a -My K Tn my xear- inn.: r a c.ir-ful W-II. don't 1'H.ka bit alike. Star. FOtlt. II I Ilff'T NoV S. N< N< N, .1 N' 1'K-pil.. 2 JO p.m. no Sherma I v. Sni-rnrnt, Ih" Ii. I' m'Mt.tl x- r Tl I -r- u r i j.-! i n i-itli-r lu-l- .it 11 X a-n All n.n S-imlaJ br.t J4 an-1 33. S' I 31 t in itn'y M nri-.n and ..laoioos. K- T. I p.m. No. 2 Vn tl N" COMPOUND of Cotton Root. Tmfff mrr V -a recent m.... KltmemL I'rtce TOUT droKirlst Compound knd tue no or 2 for mtod drew I.ltT COMFAST. No. S Block, 131 Woodmrd Detrott. MM. PS-1.1 in by H. C. HoUraWJ lEWSPAPERr SFAPERl

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