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   Cole County Democrat (Newspaper) - December 3, 1908, Jefferson City, Missouri                                PEPPERCORN PICKLER asked Peter Pep percorn in amazement More Yes dad One must spend money to get into good society Gold is the key that opens every portal Already thanks to Sir Guillaume I have made many excellent Seems to me my lad as hes mak nr1 a pretty pickin out o Why he has introduced me to no end of firstclass people and if we join the board of his new company I shall be certain to meet with many more There is a draft of the pros pectus said he handing the pa per to his father What do you think of it Well I dont know much about prospectuses anshares an sich things Pickles is more in my Dad I wish you wouldnt drag the shop up at every turn Your business was a success and you have a right to be proud of it But there is no reason that your mouth should be al ways full Pickles eh Ha ha Well praps not But its natural after all to think of old friends But lets look at your prospectus fiyacinths Lim Umph Sounds pretty well This company is take up con cessions for the collection of bulbs from the battlefields of South Managing director Sir Gullem Awks Oh yes it sounds very fine But is it any good Will it pay Sir Guillaume assures me there Is money in it Ive promised to take shares dad and the object of the baronets visit is toinduce you to take up a similar number and join tne board But whichever way you de cide I want you to be especially nice to Sir Guillaume and his You dont mean to say that hes bringing his daughter here Is she in the bulb business too fDad Alicia is a lady I love her to distraction and so will you when you see her She is the most beauti Umph Andsome is as andsome What about your old sweet heart Polly Have you spoke to Polly Have you told her of this en gagement not said Bob uneasily I have not had a Youll have one of my roses wont But It Took Some Time to Tell It Bills tellin it chuckled Marvin Parsons It was a good one on Pliny you betcher Seemed like every time Pliny passed Bills house that fice o Bills ud run out yappin and snappin at him an he got so mad that he swore hed kill Ive swore the same said Sol Baker Did he kill it You said Parsons struggling with mirth Plinyd been over to the market an bought him a steak for sup per It was a right prime cut an Pliny said to Dick Spence when he cut it that he didnt gredge payin a shillin a pound for a steak like that was Im agoin to have the old wom an fix er up with inyuns an brown he says to Spence an the way he said it Spence tol me he couldnt keep his mouth from I dont blame said Washing ton Hancock Ive tasted them steaks that Plinys wife fixes I wouldnt want nothin better Shes got a way o cookin a steak that beats any Ive ever knowed It dont need to be no prime cut nuther She can take piece right atwixt the critters horns an make you think it wus porter Thats the French in said the storekeeper Then What did Pliny do to the dawg Marve asked Baker impatiently Did he kill him Thats what I want to If hed a MUed him I reckon Bill wouldnt be atellin it around fer a said the ously Thats a fool question to ast That aint Bills Billd be chasin behind Pliny with a doublebarrel shotgun right now if Plinyd kep uphis gaitthis long Pliny uster be some at runnin but Bills a staver an mighty sot up about his shotgun an he thinksa right smarto that said Han cock Anyway this was a pertickler fine piece o resumed Parsons There was two pounds of it too I wusnt disputin it bein a fine piece o steak said mildly All I was sayin wus that Plinys wife cd take most any scrag gly tough ol piece o beef an fix it up sos it ud seem like a primecut You dont need to get What did the dog do to Pliny BAGLIDDER WAS CAUTIOUS Why He Refused to Sign Papers you nunky dear said Polly entering Marve asked Baker from the garden it a I Who said he done anythin de beauty But whats the secret manded the storekeeper Why dont Why the fact is my said her you give Marve a chance to tell it uncle with some hesitation Bob has Thats what I said Hancock something important to j You keep your mouth shet an your What is it Bob she asked but ears open Sol an youll soon find out unheeding the pained look upon her about the dawg if youre so deter face he hurried from the room j mined to In mighty bad humor was Peter What dawg is that asked Henry accompanied by when Bob Sir Guillaume and his daughter en tered and said Let me introduce you is my The pictures are nice aint they said Peter Heal lie paiutins every one of v The old mans a By the way Sir said Bob I have already spoken to my father concerning the Ah said Peter Talkin of bulbs Miss Awksleigh while youre in the make Bob show you our onions of said Alicia with a shud der Malodorous vulgar abomina Halloa dad said Bob entering hastily here Heres a wire Westerman from Duck Crook as he lounged up to the group and hoisted his bulky form to a seat on the counter Ben Sibleys No its Bill Rileys said was I didnt know Bill had a dawg Is he any count Jest a little said Baker One o them onery little yappin no ercount fer anythin I told Bill I was agoin to kill him if he run out at me I thought mebbe you was tallun about BenSibleys said Wester e railroads goin Weve got the nobbiest lot man Jerry Bush says he seen a that can whip him Its one of those yere sheep dawgs an a feller over in Sassafras township owns him Hes whipped everythin over in that section an Jerry says Tige wouldnt last him five minutes I thought if I seen Sibley Id tell him about it Its gotter to be a powful good dawg to for Peter stood with his head sunken 11 it upon Ms breast and his hands thrust whip Tige deep into his breeches pockets The telegram had read Interna tional suspended payment Utter col With a suppressed oath Bob crushed the telegram in his hand and strode to the mantelpiece where he stood Ms head resting on his hands the pic ture of despair he moving toward the door I think we liad better Ruined Ruined cried Bob as lie flung himself into a chair Whos ruined asked Polly enter ing at that moment the matter Read it said he handing her Tell us about Plinys dawg entreated Sol Baker Does Bill think he cn fight asked Westerman Why said Parsons hastily It haint a fightin dawg I was sayin that hed ben pesterin Pliny Williams a right smart an Pliny had ben around to Dick Spences to get him a agoin fix it up with inyuns in great Shes a great hand to fix steaks with explained Hancock help fully She can take a piece off the shank or off the neck of a beef an cook it sos it ud melt in your Shes supplemented the storekeeper an them French know how to fix vittles There was an ol woman down where I was the crumpled telegram raised Where you goto Slowly she smoothed it out and read us afore you g tie fateful words Then brushing the tie fateful wors en rusng Man begged Hancock tsars from her eyes she hope Parsons fac fully Never mind Bob You are young you can make a fresh start I have a little granny left me but it is if you will take The young man vouchsafed no an swer and Polly was turning sadly Peter crossing to hissons side said Bob aint your eyes open Yes dad they he cried springing up They are to my own felly 1have been blinded hitherto dazzled by outward show Polly dear can you forgive me I forgive you Bob all I have to for give Theres my Back to the pickle dad Not a bit of my lad But since Pollys goln to be mistress in real rarnoBt she rouat have a better house than this But you forget dad The tele Parsons turned and faced tne group irresolutely he said Pliny by Bills with the steak an he seen the dawg nosin at arosebush two yards off an he hadnt got a rock 1 so he plugged at him with the steak an the steak hit a tree an the paper busted an the dawg got the steak an run under the house with it afore Pliny cd git around to him an when him an Bill did git the steak it was so mauled it want fitten for nawtliin in thats all there wus to it dog gone every last one o you I Whats Marve mad about said i Hancock wonderingly as strode out of the store Ob thats all tto oU MM with a ofcMkte 1 II t Lessened Demand for iRubies The output of rubles in Burma dur ing 1907 amounted to trucks valued in Magok books at The1 royulty revenue for the year was Tile market for rubies wan fairly good the first of the year fan Ing away discouragingly toward the of year The assessor dipped the pen ia the Ink and handed it to my Uncle Alex ander to sign the schedule that he had just filled out but the old gentle man waved the pen aside and settling back in his carefully adjusted his spectacles and read the document through which was a proceeding that required time But then youre getting a good sel lery said my Uncle Alexander an its all in the years work Im a good deal like Old Man Baglidder Did you ever hear about him an the fel ler who came through gettin the right oway for that railroad It was afore your time VTell said the assessor It was Ijke said my Uncle Al exander We all wanted to the city the worst way Theres some believe we got it when we got the railroad They think that the way would have been to have stuck to the river an canal the same we was crazy to get the railroad in and that feller had a huckleberry picnic gatherm up the deeds No trouble to him at all till he run again Baglidder The old man was out in the field with one o them newfangled harvest ers when the feller come along an pulled up his horses an gave him the time o day as pleasant as a basket o chips Tm representin the says the feller Ive heard that you are in favor of encouragin the enterprise an are willin to deed us the righto way through your You cn hear most anythin these says the old man If you have any doubt about the benefit its gointo beto you to the hull country I reckon I can con vince says the feller Youre a believer in progress aint you T blieve I says the old man There aint a many in this county gatherin in their crops by machinery I says the feller with a winnin Its the fust one Ive seen in my travels through here Well that bein the case you nachully want a quick an cheap transportation for your crops you want quick and cheap transportation for yourself You want a direct line o communication with the city that will bring people in an boost the land values dont you Thats says Bag lidder Thats what to do for It looKsfltolmetiiKg it said the old man I shd think that you would be willin to give us that little hundred foot strip says the railroad ma I didnt say that I wasnt did I Bays Baglidder if thats the case I dont need to say no says the feller Ive got the deed right here in my pocket an if youll jest sfgn Gedap says the old man picldn up his lines an startin up the team You dont play that on me young man not by a big brown stone jug Hey hold on a the feller hollers I want to talk to you Mr I callate youll have to wait till I git through the old man hollers back Ive got this wheat to An he drives on the feller was pretty hoppin mad but there wasnt nothin to do but to set down in the shade an wait and thats what he done till near sun down when the old man drove up to the barn and unhitched Then therailroad feller went up to him and polergized for troublin Mm when he was busy If youll give me feed for my horse an a little ol your time after supper though Im sure you Wont regret he says Old Man Baglidder was willin to do that all right an after supper ths feller sat an argyed up an down an all around for the hull o the evenin The old man smoked an nodded his head an agreed that it was all so But he wouldnt sign no deed No siree The next Mister Railroad Man drove off to two of the neighbors whod signed an brought em back an the three argyed an argyed best part o the it wasnt no use Old Man Baglidder said thej could sign all they dum pleased but he wasnt agciin to Finally the railroad feller heard that he was agoin to the village an he laid for him there with the old mans soninlaw Cyrus Cloop Waychop the bulk o the property owners the banker an between em after theyd fixed up an indem neffyin bond for that wasnt wuth the paper it was wrote on he signed Now I tell he hed done it if theres any scullduggery in this dont you blame me Ive a contract for fruit trees that showed up at the bank as a note for an Ive signed a bill p sale for a yearling calf that turned out to be a promise to pay for value received Nuther time I signed as witness to a marriage certifikit for ah elopin couple an a preacher that happened along and that cost me full lace value of I dont know but what thats martte a little uignin Still If the wunt to the irust I callate that ought to cover this If any bigger I It would make the feller who cwriMi U Mt a few ROTHSCHILD MARRIAGES Number of Unions Between Cousins Belonging to the Famous Family The founder of the Rothschild family Mayer Ainschel of the Bed Shield dying in 1812 exhorted his five engaged as loanmongers under him in London Paris and Naples not only fo remain faithful to thu law of Moses and stand ever united hut to undertake nothing of importance without first consulting their mother founder of the London branch also was so convinced of the business capacities of his wife a Cohen that he not only left the huge residue of his fortune at her dis posal hut added instruction that his sons were to engage in no undertak ing of moment without her consent How far the instruction was ob served one is not in a position to say but it is certain the Rothschilds have done their best to livein fam ily for from the gentile point of view the number that have mar ried cousins is appalling Of thel five children of the great Nathan each married a cousin And coming to contemporaries liord Rothschild is the son of cousins and the husband of a cousin Re turning to Nathan the Sidonia of though his offspring married cousins a reaction followed in the next generation for three of granddaughters two of whom have been already married not only out of the family but out of the faith COLONY WITHOUT CRIME St Helena our little Napoleonic colony in midAtlantic is a model community Its governor Col Gall wey is also its judge but in the lat ter capacity he has little or nothing to do He holds court at stated times but the onlv business is the presentation of w gloves Nevertheless St Helena has an inspector of and as the withdrawal of the garrison hitherto the chief consumer of local products lias adversely affected the finances the St Helena Guardian urges the abolition of this unnecessary of ficial who has practically nothing to His salary should go to a much wanted assistant There is only one surgeon in St if he became incapaci tated the little community on the lonely Napoleonic rock would be in a parlcms state SCOTCH HOSPITALITY George Conklin the famous ani mal trainer was talking to a reporter at the circus in New York The secret of animal training ia gentleness Nothing sudden or brusque must be done An unexpect ed caress may anger an animal more than a kick in the ribs Sudden brusque unexpected things never go no matter how well they are meant Once 1 was showing in Mr Conklin smiled We he said supped one night with a Scotch admirer The old man was the soul of hos pitality but I admit T was rather startled when he leaned toward me and said Stick in man Conklin stick in Yer Men Coots two muffins ahead o Herald BROTHER DICKEYS SAYINGS Thunder is mighty good at hol lerin but its de lightnin dat gits dar an tends ter business Ef you got ter have compny on de road you travelin be sho dat Trou ble dont take up wid you an make believe hes Happiness in disguise Wen jedgmint day comes some er de lazy folks will sho say dat de Angel Gabrul blowed dat trumpet too Constitution AN URGENT CALL A doctor spending a rare and somewhat chill his own fire side received the following message from three fellow practitioners Tlcase slop over to the club and join us at a rubber of Jane he said to his wife I am called away again It apponrg to be n difficult raao there arc throe other doctors on the spot already don News ERROR IN THE FIGURES The Best Christmas Pitt For Father Mother Grandpa and Grandma Is a Handsome Pair of 10Karat Gold Filled Spectacles JUST MENTION THEIR AGE A FIVE DOLLAR SPECTACLE FOR ONLY A FIVE YEAR GUARANTEE TAG EVERY PAIR SPECTACLEWEARERS I LISTEN I now have the agency for the Dr Haux famous Vision Spectacles which you all undoubtedly know arethe Best in the Now the Doctor wants his spectacles used by every spectaclewearer in this county and thatis the reason Rrhy Be has authorized me to make the following very special extraordinary advertising offer whereby you can for a short time only get a pair of his famous 10karat Gold Filled Perfect Vision Spectacles at less than onethird their cost HERE IS THE SPECIAL ADVERTISING OFFER regular price of the Dr Haux 10karat Gold Filled Spectacles is which price is stamped rightalongside of Dr Haux name on the inside of each pair of spectacles as shown in the abpve picture and without which none arej genuine in order to introduce these wonderful soothing Spectacles to all the spectaclewearers in this county as quickly as possible Dr Haux has authorized me to sell his fivedollar 10karat Gold Filled Vision Spectacles at only which is less than onethird their regular selling price and I personally guarantee them for five full years of But the greatest advantage in the and which I want you to note particularly is that they can be fitted perfectly to your eyes by age therefore no sight testing of any kind is at all necessary to fit even the very weakest eyes So just call at my store next time you pass mention your age and I will sell you for only a pair of the finest fivedollar spectacles or earth and I personally guar antee they will fit you more perfectly clearer and better than any you have ever bought before at any price SPECTACLE CASE FREE I have also received a ciall lot of fine Moroccine silvertipped plushlined pool Jtbook cases which are quite unique and entirely uiffererft MrfPlanything you have ever seen before as shown in this They are usually each but Dr Haux has authorized ipe to give onlP aMy ifree as a souvenir as long as they last with every sjietstacles So if you come in jpeir of spectacles before the cases are all ftwitiifl a handsome 30karat Gold Filled pair of Dr Spectacles worth and a fine MoroccinesnisMvfFtftipped plushlined pocketbook spectacle case wortkuSJtsfflhifh together amounts to six dollars worth of For sale only A All 9 Jefferson City Mo NOTE ifsnt convenient for you to call at the above store just sendsistfQUirect to Dr Haux Spectacle 2921 Locust St Louis mention your aga and they will send you a handsome perfectfitting fivedollar pair of the Dr Haux 10karat Gold Filled Spectacles by return mail also a fine onedollar Moroccine plushlined pocketbook case free souvenir if you order within the next 15 days The Dr Haux Spectacle Co ia the largest mail order Spectacle House in the world and per fectly reliable and they positively guarantee to return you your Si 50 in full without any deductions whatsoever if the spectacles they send you do not fit you better than any ever before and you vouraelf are to be the sole judge What is wrong about this sentence I am my last Little It instead bjirthclay1 be i Oh9 What a Dandy Pair of Spectacles THIS IS CERTAINLY The Best Christmas Gift f MA BKCBIV1D   

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