Bath Independent, March 27, 1880

Bath Independent

March 27, 1880

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Issue date: Saturday, March 27, 1880

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Previous edition: Saturday, March 20, 1880

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Publication name: Bath Independent

Location: Bath, Maine

Pages available: 28,260

Years available: 1880 - 1961

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Bath Independent (Newspaper) - March 27, 1880, Bath, Maine r t * j � f 1 'M rvj ' * 4 - 1 -*>^,J*. VOL. BATH, MAINE, SATURDAY, MARCH 27, 1880. NO. 16. AH, B UTSHE LO VXD ANOTHER. 1 Last night, within the little curtained room, Whare tha gay music sounded faintly clear, And tltoer lights came stealing; through the ta gloom, *'Tou told the tale'that women love to hear; Ton told it well, with �ra hands clasped in mine, And deep eyes.glowing with a tender light. Mer* sating? But yonrpowerwashalf divine , Iiaet night, last night. Ay, yon had much to offer; wealth enough To gild the future) and a path of ease For one whose way Is somewhat dark and rough; New friends-a life as calm as summer seae. And something (was ltlove ?) to keep ns true, And make us precious in each other's sight. Ah! then Indeed my heart's resolve I knew Last night, last night. Let the world go, with all its dross and pelf 1 Only for one, like Portia, could I siy, " X would be trebled twenty times myself Only for one, and he is far away; His voice oame back to me, distinct and dear, And thrilled mo with the pain of lost delight; The present faded, but the past was clear - Last night, last night. If others answered as I answered then, ' We should hear less, perchance, of blighted lives; There would be truer women, nobler men, And fewer dreary homes and faithless wives; Bscamie X could not give you aU my best, I gate you nothing. Judge me-was I right? Ton may thank heaven that I stood the test Last night, last night. Fragment From Two lives. One wild, blustering night not many years ago a stage coach made a detour through one of the mountainous regions of Pennsylvania, and stopped at the house of the preacher. It was an old brown house at the foot of a sterile rook, seemingly as remote from civilization as the heart of an Arabian desert. The Bev. Paul Hume bad already spent here the best years of his life. He had of late been glad to find the old rebellious longings, the fierce smbition and latent hope of the future, becoming more dim ana doll, and began to believe, as the years went by, he would be able to live out those allotted to him honorably and in a measure resignedly. He had given up the old foolish fondness for putting fire and fervor in a long Sunday discourse. .He was quite content that some of - liifl congregation should sleep quietly through the sermon, and others ruminate over whatever neehly aggravation or joy that was uppermost in their minds. Probably his soul spiritual companion, even in the degree suited to ber'capacity, was his serving woman Ha gar-black, straight featured, reticent, but given to bursts of religious enthusiasm that in a measure relieved the dull monotony of the life they lived alone together. Ha gar ought to have known her master better than to believe he would refuse succor to any helpless fellow Creature, audit was foolish for*her to shorten the chain that barred the oor thai night in March when the driver of the coach begged thatyhey would take temporary care of a sick passenger. She had been getting worse and worse, the driver said, for the last ten miles, and, "eeein' there was no hotel nor hospital nor nothin' handy," he had made bold to bring her to the purson's house. Bat Hagar fehook the crimson turban on her una Egyptian, head and declared it was not the parson's business to xh>k his life with pestilential fevers. Even as she spoke, however, the parson had unloosed the chain, and gone out in his �oont gown and close cap to the coach, and lifted the poor woman out in his strong arms. Hagar followed him and his burden up the stairs, and the light from her candle ft-.ll upon the tangled curls and braids, bits of ribbon, and a long strip of embroidered Jaee thaff bung from the head' of the sick Woman, a gold chain about her neck, and other personal getv-gawe that? up-pealed to the contempt of Hagar, The indj's trunks bed been bumped in after her, and presently they had to be prild open, for the lady's lips aud eyes were closed, and she could not tell Hagar where the key lay to these fine treas-, ures. w But Hagar went to work with a will, and the preacher had saddled his gray cob end started off cn his five mile journey across the mountain for a doctor. Hagar had put aside the ribbons and bite of traveling adornment for a long white mnslin robo, which struck the preacher's uearfc with a chill somehow, and made him speed the pony on his way. The doctor had eome broken bones to set, end told Mr. Hume, frankly, that bo far as fevers and disokders of that kind wont, that black woman of his was worth a dozen ordinary , practitioners,; and that he had long counted upon her iu extremities of that sort; and trotting over to Mr. Hume's the next morning, the doctor o&Med out to the parson to know if he was not right abJut the capability of Hagar. The siok lady's wrists and ankles were bandaged up with cooling herbs, and the strength of some cooling decoction of Hagur's reached the surgeon's nostrils. The pupils of the eyes were dilated a Itytle, a ori ftine charms especially when the owner endeavored to add to them by frivolity of dress or demeanor. The poor lady, who felt that she owed, perhaps, her very life to these good people's care and skill, opened 1 her heart to Hagar; aud told her all about her long journey from the Pacific coast, where she lost her husband many years since aud had longed to come heme to the East, but dreaded, as well she might, the dreary waste of miles between. Hagar knitted stolidly on, and listened, but not with that absorbed interest that the minister gave to the story of the traveler. Mrs. Delplaine was too ill to be left long alone, and Hagar had her household duties to attend to, so that the minister was often compelled to bring his book, and make the sick room his study. This chamber, which had been somewhat bare and desolate, suddenly became glowing and warm, and made a sharp contrast with the room on the lower floor, lined with moth-eaten volumes, and choking with accumulating duBt. Mrs. Delplaine had begged that a few sticks might be lighted on the hearth, and had pleaded that a quantity of light wraps and shawls should be taken from her trunk to soften the glare at the windows, to add to the scanty covering of her bed, to throw over the grim leathern back of her chair ; and as Mrs. Delplaine's favorite oolor seemed to be of the faint warm tint of the rose, the whole atmosphere of the room took this soft coloring, and the hungry soul of the Reverend Paul delighted therein without knowing why. He was walking just now in the big gloomy room below, the scant tails of his threadbare coat flapping in the ohill air of March, but his soul was warm with the memory of the last hours he had spent in that room above. And Mrs. Delplaine, having nothing else to think of in this queer, picturesque region, being somewhat appalled by the big sterile hills and the gray gloomy sky, which her crimson shawls could not altogether shut out, having nothing else to think of but the tender interest that this haggard but handsome recluse of a parson took in her misfortune, and feeling that if he had been' as hardhearted as his housekeeper, she might not now have been alive, and finding life ever so sweet in her languid convalescence, she was constrained to ask of this comely but stern negro woman' something of her master. '1 Was he alone in the world? Had he no kindred ?" Hagar looked up from her knitting so stolidly that Mrs. Delplaine added: *' Father or mother, wife or children V Hagar deliberately turned the heel of her stocking before she fully satisfied the curiosity of the convalescent Then she vouchsafed to say that he was auite alone ; no father, no mother, bo children, as far as she knowed. There used to be a wife-* poor, sickly croetnr-but she was done gone South years ago, and never come back. "Did the.poor lady die there?" said Mrs. Delplaine. Hagar hesitated a minute. Then she said, "Yes, she died there sure enough. " And how many years had she lived in this desolate region, friendless and alone?" said Mrs. Delplaine. Hagar reckoned it was a considerable time, but gave as her opinion that some people's room was better than their company, and adding that Mrs. Delplaine was talking too much and that she had better go to sleep, Hagar left the room. No sooner hud she gone than Mr. Hume entered. It had been customary for him to relieve IIagar'a duties in the sick room. Unconsciously, perhaps, he had been listening for Ha gar's ^treating footsteps. As he entered the room his face brightened; the cavernous sorrows in bis brow seemed to have straightened into joyous benignity; the very angles of bin nature, sharpened by the lonolineba of his life, took comfortable rounded shapes to themselves, and he greeted the pale, pretty wom*u in the straight back chair with a peculiar and charming tenderness of tone and manner, born of this new experience, that would have frightened and astonished himself had he been a looker-But Mrs. Delplaine was neither eon flush bnraed in the alieeka of the unfoi Innate traveler ; but the doctor declared that Hogdr was doing well, and, with good care, ju a week or so the jour* ney oonld be pursued. As yet the parson bad been alone concerned for her safety; for many days it did not occur to him that the condition of his guest appealed to a tribute of his nature save pity and reverence, �agar, ftwew, , strongly disapproved jpf (ex on. frightened nor astonished. She was still bo weak that Hagar'B harsh and abrupt replies had brought foolish tears to her eyes which etill hung npou her lashes as she smiled upon Mr. Hume. She gave herself up to the sweet relief and comfort of his presence. She began to believe that destiny had determined this remarkable event in her life, and felt an irresistible desire to further the designs of fate. She had never in her life seen any one bo noble and majestic, yet so gentle and tender, as this preacher. * I cm so glad you have come," she said. 14 I have eomelbing to Bay to you.' A strange wistful, discomforted look in his face disquieted her, and bhe added gently, "You will net despise a little advice rind remonstrance of mine V" " I could despise nothing with which you were associated," he said. " Then listen to me," she continued ; " sit here by my side and listen to me. I am1 getting; quite strongJand well. You have saved my life-you and your good Hagar, and the worst of it is that now I must go away." Here she paused and enjoyed the sudden wincing in his face and resolved more and more to spare him the pang of parting. 111 am going to coax yon away from here/'Bhe said. " Indeed, Mr. Hume-may I call you Paul ?" " Yes/' he replied, but began to grow pale. " Indeed, yon. are quite thrown away in this place. It would, be bo sweet to mo to see you admired and deified aud bowe4 down to, as the world out yonder .does to men like - ---------^ tongue, do the people. Will you let me manage it for you ? I promise you, if you will! our parting shall be brief. I have considerable influence, which I will wield in your behalf. You have but to be known to be appreciated. Bee the good you might do, Paul," she added, ooaxingly. Her face took fire as she uttered his name, but that of the preacher grew paler and paler. "I am grateful to you," he replied ; "more grateful than I can say ; but I must remain here. Believe me, it is better I should." Mrs. Delplaine had somewhat foreseen this refusal. In her exalted estimate otitis character-she could soarely hope that her hero would step aside from the path he had marked out for himself to cater to the preferenoe^of a woman. She yielded at onoe. " Because you are stubborn and proud," she said ; " because you cannot bend to any weak frivolity ; and if you will not yield to my wishes, there is nothing left to me but to submit myself to yours. Well, then, I will also remain here. It matters little where I live, and this is a winsome country in its way. I think we shall soon have a promise of spring. On that big, stern rook outside the window I saw the poor moss growing just a little green. I can get some old house, and old houses can be refurnished. Gold, gray homespun oan give place to Persian wools,, and odorous fires can still glow in the old chimney ^places. Since it is your will, sir, to remain in this place, you will not object if J make this wildernessi to blossom as the rose ?" " Mrs. Delplaine," he said, crunching the slim white hand that rested on the arm of the chair close in the quivering muscles of his own. "My name is Laura, sir," she interrupted, softly. "Yes, Laura," he repeated, "you will not remain here, neither will I go. You will take with you the only true happiness I have ever known; the memory of it will perhaps serve to make the rest of my life endurable. And now let me tell you, loveliest and most generous of women, why I cannot go and you cannot stay. When I was but a lad of twenty, and still pursuing my studies, I fell in love with a young woman who lived in the neighborhood of the college. I soon learned that her passion was feigned from the first and that she only married me from motives of convenience ; but mine, founded upon a delusion of the brain, led me into a fool's paradise; and even when the bitterness of her mistake and my own began to eat into our lives, it'sickens me to remember how I strove aaunst it, how meanly and servilely I shurmy eyes and groped blindfoldedfor the old mockery. But it had long been a ghost, and the time oame when even the memory of it was a curse. Then the cross was perhaps heavier for her to bear than for me. Tied to a man whose pursuits, thoughts, ambitions, affections, she could neither understand nor apprehend, condemned to the propriety and soberness allotted to the life of a preacher's wife,' and even denied the comfort-of wearing- gay trinkets and apparel^often she told me she'envied the freedom of an Indian squaw, and how glad phe'd'bo to know nothing but Ohooktaw to get rid of the eternal preaching, preaching." " Poor soul I" Baid Mrs. Delplaine, with an involuntary shudder at the life the parson portrayed. Then she added, with infinite tenderness, 11 Ah ! but she did not love you I" "No," said Mr. Hume, "and, God forgive me, there were times when I was tempted to put an end to my life, it bred snoli misery for us both. Afc last a mer oifnl Providenoe-I can only think it such-enfeebled her health and took the corporeal sting from her slavery. The powerful vitality which lent a dangerous afcrength to her discontent was broken, and abe became content to be amused and taken oate of in a way that was possible to me. An old nurse connected with the family was induoed to take entire charge of her. The indolence of a Bo a tli em climate suited her desires and capacities. As for me the rigor and serenity of this region had a charm for me ; its isolation soothed and consoled me ; and so the years went by till you oame." Here he got up on his feet and bent over her, taking both her hands in his. Hw face had gradually gained a sad serenity. "I cannot be sorry we have met," he said, "it has been such a joy to me. Even in parting there is something sweet in the knowledge that you take with you some brief interest in my poor life. Mrs. Delplaine's hands trembled with his own. A shrill wind whistled at the casement; a heavy black canopy of oloud had fallen upon the mountain and hung there like a pall; the room had grown dark; suddenly Mrs. Delplaine kicked with her little heels the embers into a blaze ; her eyes shone tenderly ; a flame of color burned in her cheek, "Why should we port?" she said, looking gravely up in his face. " I will not have it so. Why should both our lives be spoiled? You did what you could for her while she lived-" "Ah I" said Mr. Hume, drawing a quick breath. " What-what is it V" cried Mrs. Delplaine. ' " She is dead ; Hagar told me she died long'ago." "No, no," said Mr. Hume. "God forbid, she is not yet fit to die." Then Mrs. Delplaine sank baok in her chair, and drew her bands from his, "I would like to be alone," she said, and before he was fairly out of the room she burst into passionate weeping; but the minister went straight to his study, where he passed the night in wakeful misery, daybreak the stage stopped agata at the^parson'c ifoor, and several big trunks were hoisted to the top. Hagar helped in a veiled and shawled figure that seemed to the few passengers principally made up of big, wistful eyes. These eyes were glued to the windows of the coach, and tw# other haggard orbs from the parson's study followed the lumbering vehicle till it became lost in the tortuous descent of the hill.  All this happened not many years ago, and it seemed as yesterday to the poor parson when upon one morning, with a trembling band, he,addressed a news- ?aper to a lady then traveling abroad, t contained the intelligence of the death of poor Mrs. Hume at Nassau. The only answer he received was a shabby foreign sheet, wherein among the marriages he found that of Mrs. Delplaine. The Lime Klin Club. Said Brother Gardner on Washington's Birthday anniversary, " Dis Lime Kiln Club am hear assembled to honor, in its po' an' simple way, de mem'ry of one of de greatest men de world has eber knowed. De great an' good George Washington has long bin dead, but his name kin neber die while America lives. [Cheers.] Kings have spoken his name [ Cheers]; queens have written it [yellsj; and it has ascended to Heaven along wid the prayers of little ohil'en. [Cheers and applause.] To be shu* he was a white man, but when he saved dis kentry he saved ebery oullud pusson in it as well as the white folks. [Awful applause.] He couldn't help bein' a white man, an' he would have accomplished no less had he bin as black in de face as Bheubarb Spooner, an' had feet like Harper Jackson." [Continued cheers, during which the bear trap fell down.] The president sat down in an exhausted condition, and Sir Isaac Walpole arose and said, " Let me grow old-let me hev chilblains all summer-let me sit in de dark an' shiver in4e cold-let me bury my o\& wife an' wander frew^de world sorrowful an' alone-but nebber let me forget de name of Washington nor cease to remember dot if he had bin any han' to play base ball he'd have played it with a ouU'd man as quick as a white man." [Cheers and applause,] Good old Elder Toots said he had no desire to oooupy the valuable time of tho meeting [cheers], but he could not help but remember of once having driven a mule [cheers] post Mount Yernon, the sacred spot where lies -tha'dubt of Washington. [Terrific yells, ] He therefore believed that he keeajly realized Washington's greatness and goodness. [Queers]. He did not'know how others felt, but as for him, he wanted liberty or death-and another dipper of lemonade. As the usual hour for adjourning approached the president folded his arms across hin heaving bosom and said, "l believe dat dis Lime-Kiln Club has did its full duty by George Washington, Mrs. Washington, de American flag, dis glorious republic, an' seberal' other pussons an' iingp, an' we will now disband an' approach our homes. Let no man forgit hia dooty to his kentry, an' yit in remember'in' dat dooty, let no member iorgit dat de Lime-Kiln Club oomes fust an' kentry next, an' what am left should go to his JamMy. . We now staii' disrupted."- [Detroit Free Press, A Curious Story. expiating a crime which hh had thought op committing, no After the taking of Paris, says the Paris Bappel, by the Versailles troops, a Communist offloer managed to escape from the burning city. Having remained on the barricades to the last, he had no time to change his olothes, and was consequently obliged to wander about the whole day in kepi aud regimentals, with his sword dangling by his side. Towards evening, however, he fell in with a shepherd, good-natured almost f to idiocy, and knowing nothing whatever of politics. The two men entered into conversation, and at the end of half an hour the refugee, Incessantly haunted by the fear of seeing the gendarmes make their appearance, proposed a change of costumes to the yokel. Naturally dazzled by the splendor of the other's military garb, the countryman jumped at the offer, never dreaming of the danger he incurred in donning his companion's attire. The exchange was carried out, the two men undressed, re-dressed, and parted. The pseudo-shepherd made for Paris, wearing a blouse, canvas trousers and a straw hat. The real Simon Pure, on the other hand, went on minding his sheep, presenting a rather incongruous aepeot, with the sword hanging by his side and the crook in his hand. What might have been naturally expected to happen actually occurred. A patrol oame across the unlucky shepherd, and asked him for explanations about his costume, and, these not being deemed altogether satisfactory, the countryman was taken into ouBtody, and ultimately led off to Savoy to go before a court-martial there. Oar readers will, no doubt, remember the admirable passage in the " Miserabies," in which Victor Hugo relates the Champmathieu affair. The trial of the shepherd bore a great resemblance to the latter. The unfortunate wretoh, who had no one to speak a word for him, either did not know or was so dazed that he could not remember his birthplace, and, in the end. was sentenced to transportation to the Isle des Pins. Amiot, as the man is named, "was accordingly sent, and by August, 1879, he had not been pardoned. One of his fellow-con viots lately wrote to say that "Amiot was awaiting-the termination of a punishment which he did not understand and was expiating a crime which he had had no thought of committing." Unluckily he was condemned for life, and whether Bince pardoned or not we are ignorant. He may possibly be. considered a dangerous ohoraoter. Perhaps Jjis very imbecility is taken for dissimulation. Be this as it may, his story, while it has undoubtedly a ludicrous side, is at the bottom horribly sad and grave, and appears to us calculated to cause reflection to those who insist on the j nstice of repression and the necessity for refusing an amnesty. Into a Fiery Furnace. JOHN MO DEBMQTT, THIS WIFE BL4TEB, COMMITS tDIOIDB IN SING 6ING PKISON. Not Very High-Toned. > c In the city of Sanoeiito there is a girl named Manu, whose father has accumulated wealth in fishing for oysters with a hoofc and line oil' the wharf. When Maria's father grew so wealthy, Maria was admitted into tho Urst circles of Saucolifco society, in. which she shone like a paste diamond in a Keurney street pawnbroker's window. Then the name of Maria became a burden to Maria, and the young mau eapcota to use her fiither's wealth to pay his wash bills, and they held a caucus to consider a change of name, because Maria was so dreadfully, awfully common you know- not Maria herself, but the name of Maria, as it were. Tho young man suggested Sophronia, and J mini at a, and Early Bobc, and Oiarissu, and Maudio, and Helena, Birdie, aud Penelope, but Maria would none of them. Said she : "I've been born and raised in this hero town, and the wholo community, including the Mayor, and tue Board of Supervisors and the Fire Department, knows that my christened mi mo is Maria, and if I go to taking up auy of your Rosebuds, or Luoretias, or Sadies, or Lilly f, or CHeoputras, or any of them fancy names, they'll say I'm putting on more airs than a French dancing-master or a member of the Legislature. Maria is my name; but Maria is just too awfully horrid ; so I will just cut off the Ma and call it Ilia." And Kia is the name by which the maiden is known in Baucelito, and the young mau, who has a young man's natural abhorrence of mothers-in-law, says he doesn't blume her a bit for cutting off her Ma, and he hopes the old woman will stay cut on,-San Francis* go Stook Report. Saw-mill. * j Tho other day a Detroit man met an old friend, who was formerly a prosperous young lumberman up North, but whose bad habits of drinking resul ted as they often do, though he has since reformed and is trying to do better. How areyou?,,vBaidT. G. "Pretty well, thank you, but I've just been to a doctor to have him look at my throat ?" " What's the matter ?" ""Well, the doctor couldn't give me any encouragement. At least he couldn't flad what I'wantedm hi to Bad." "What did you expect him to find?" " I asked him to look down my throat for the saw-mill and farm tkat had gone down there. "And did ho sae anything of it I 'No, but he.advised mejUE I ever got anoUfer mill to run it by water, It was roported to the Warden of Bing Sing Prison tuat one of the convicts, named John McDermott, had been found dead in the furnaoo room. The Warden hastened to investigate. The head and face of the dead man were burned to a orlsp, and his body was disfigured. It was evident that McDermott had committed suicide by lorcing his head through the furnace door into the bio zing tire. An inquest was held, and the jury agreed that death was caused by the inhaling of hot air, and that McDermott had-intentionally taken his own life. Tfiere were no witnesses to tho suicide, and the jury based their verdict upon the position in which the body was found and the fact that the furnace door was left open. MoDermotfc, aftor thrusting his head into the fnrnacd, had fallen backward upon the floor. MoDermotfc was 44 years of age. Ho was under a sentence of imprisonment for life' for killing his Wife. The crime was committed in New York last autumn. McDermott, who was a sober, hard-working 'longshoreman, returned to his home to find another man and his wife engaged in a drunken carouse, and in his anger he killed her. He was indicted for murder in the first degree. When placed on trial MoDermott, through his counsel, asked leave to plead guilty to manslaughter in the second degree, and the District Attorney consenting, the plea was accepted, and the prisoner was sentenced to Bing Sing for life. There was much sympathy for Mo-Deimott because his domestic life had been unhappy. His wife was of dissolute habits, and refused to take proper care of her children or to attend to her household duties. She was almost continually under the influence of liquoa, and preferred the company of other men to that of her husband. Her conduct drove him to distraction, and he claimed that he killed her in a moment of frenzy in order to save his children from the disgrace of their mother's reprehensible conduct. He wept as he told bis pitiful narrative, and many stout hearted men who were present wept. In his pathetic appeal, he expressed regret for his rash deed, and said that his life had been made almoat unendurable by the continual misconduct of his wife, over whom he had lost control, and upon whom all his remonstrances and entreaties were lost. The Judge, in passing sentenoe, was as tender and merciful as the rash act of McDermott would permit, and reminded him that the District Attorney, iu permitting the plea of a lower grade of crime to be made, had afforded him an opportunity of escaping death,-JSk-change, WIT AND WISDOM. -An exchange tells an inquiring correspondent, "No, Bobecoa; beef la not cooked on a cattle range." -What is needed iu the way of invention is some kind of alarm to be attached to one's umbrella.-[Danielsonville Sentinel, -If you don't happen to remember the name of your dressmaker, speak of her as Miss Sew-and-Bew.- [Funny Polks, -There iz only one kind ov person who kan keep a sekret, and he iz the one who refuses to take it at enny price. -("Josh Billings. -D oes your mother know your route ? asked that tease of a Tom when Charley and his bride started on their wedding tour.-[Boston Transcript. -Everybody is anxious that the nation shall steadily reduoe its debt, but few pay as much regard to their own city's debt.-[Rochester Express. -A girl who went down three stories with a falling elevator says that the sensation was like that of betng'hugRed. Fathers, watch your elevators.-[Detroit Free Press. - -A dressmaker goi mad because her lover sernaded her with a flute. She said she got ail the fluting she wanted in her regular business, -[Cincinnati Saturday Night. -The man who will let the puznle of 14 Fifteen " bother him for two minutes when he could put in the time at yawning, is guilty of criminal neglect of hid own best interests.-[Detroit Free Press. -The ooservant "small boy went to church and heard the minister repeatedly say in his prayer, " Grant us, O Lord." He reported at home that the minister had "come out strong for Grant."-[Boston Transcript. -An electric light, strong enough to render the walls of houses transparent, is now predicted ; but, so far as we can see, the only advantage to be derived from it would be to drive lovers out on to the roofs.-[Andrews' Baziar. -'* Wherein does woman's weakness lie?" asks a correspondent. It is our opinion that it lies when she's telling the lady next door the price of a sealskin sacque her husband bought at a pawnbroker's sale.-[Owego Record. --A United States Senator, says that the most exasperating thing is a newspaper in times of political excitement. But did he ever try to unfold a newspaper while walking or riding in the wind ? Then it really is exasperating.- [N, Y. Herald. -An English writer wishes to improve the gypsies. There are only two means'for improving them. First, keep them from stealing your horse. Second, keep them from selling it back to you.-[Boston Globe. -That Chicago inventor who claims to have discovered "water as a fuel" would have been called a "fu-el" himself, if he had made such a claim only ten years ngo. And he may be called one now, for all we know.-[Norristown Herald. -A good, motherly hen, who has worked hard all her life, conscientiously and faithful ly, would have been paralyzed with wonder and discouragement if she could have looked in the store windows and seen some of the Easter eggs on exhibition.-[Rochester Democrat. -"Oh, mother, may I go play fifteen?" "No, no, my dearest daughter ; it's the biggest fraud that ever wa� seed. Go draw the washing water," and the length of the fair daughter's countenance was expressive of the great length of time it would take her to solve the puzzle.-[New Haven Bsgister. 77- -Mrs. Saokett, of Downsville, Delaware county, Blammed her door to and a gun standing beside it fell to the floor, discharging its contents into her leg, and making a wound which necessitated amputation. Moral: Always shut the door softly, as though there was slok-noss in the family.-[Troy Whig.  -Leadville is rapidly becoming civilized. Six months ago a poor man who never kept his agreements went there and they roughly called him a lowlived liar. Now they use the more gentlemanly description of a good fellow but forgetful." He struok a rich mine about four months ago.-[Boston Poot, -An Oil City gentleman, who recently traveled in Europe, Bai� he was at dinner one day in Paris, and while telling a story was attacked with a Hud-den aud continued fit of sneezing. When he ceased, a Bassian gentleman at another table, named Fliteheekee, turned about and complimented him on his excellent and correct pronunciation of the Russian language 1-[Oil Oity Derrick. -The poetical language of the Orient differs vastly from the ^lain, common-sense brusqueness of our own land. For instance, when a Persian meets a friend he says: "Thy visits are as rare as fine days." But when an Amorioan woman sees a caller coming up the front walk she remarks ; " There I if there aint that everlasting Smith woman again." It is a )>ig difference in form at least.-[Rockland Courier. -A railroad guide is like a woman. Isn't it Bulwer-or if it wasn't him .who was it?-that in response to a yo man asking his advice about marry said to him, 11 Young man, there is woman in the world with whom can get along with perfectly, but can't get along without a woman at I And if whoever it was had been wr$ about railway guides he oo saidA\ bq%rHBw^*^ - j " / 1,1 -V