Bath Independent, March 13, 1880

Bath Independent

March 13, 1880

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Issue date: Saturday, March 13, 1880

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Previous edition: Saturday, March 6, 1880

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Publication name: Bath Independent

Location: Bath, Maine

Pages available: 28,260

Years available: 1880 - 1961

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Bath Independent (Newspaper) - March 13, 1880, Bath, Maine ATH � . _ ,t- V f A. LkkmiI, Bwrtnuw, AgprlonHnraJ and Family Newwpaper. VOL. I. BATH, MAINE, SATURDAY, MARCH 13, 1880. NO. 14. . YES OR NO. Ton ask to-night my daughter's hand, As you'd request a toy-Do yon know the weight of yonr demand On a mother's heart, my boy? Ton nay yon love her wildly, well, - ! ' Will It hut 'till the end of time, Or will the ring of the wedding-bell Besound" Its dying chime ? - The heart yon crave is a holy thing, So tender, trusting, true; -Can yon t.o her devotion bring As warm as hers to you ? Will you love her through the c hanging years As tenderly as now, When ills shall pale, of sorrow's tears/ Becloud her sunny brow ? /  When age shall bow her graceful form And bleach her jetty hair, Will you protect her through each storm And shelter her from care ? . When time shall dim her sparkling eye " And Winter furrows show, Will your love be the last to die ? If not, I answer, No.' Bemember that her'future life Would every day beyours r A loving woman when a wife To one that she adores, Has no existence of her own Apart from him shb loves j She lives henceforth for him alone, And in his orbit moves. She molds her wishes to his will, Her ways^tb" his desires";. He leads her by love's willing web Through life's refining fires; She walks with him through thorny fields, And o'er life's rugged road; He is her idol and ideal, � ..." Her guide and household god. So If your love will live and burn, And bless her fntnre years; If you will'give her in return The trust that lite endears; If you will guide her destiny, And shield her from distress, Will always live, adoring her, Why then, I answer, Yes. -Cincinnati Enquirer. The Tea-Kettle Light. (a tbute story.) R In a 'New Hampshire farm-houso, about the beginning of the present century, there lived a boy who, according to the onstom of his Bible-loving ancestry, had been named Joseph. Joe went to school only in the winter, after he was ten or twelve years of .age}; bat he had learned the ordinary English branohe's so well, that his father and the neighboring farmers thought his education pretty nearly finished, especially as he wa3 now seventeen years old. But the boy himself was not eo easily satisfied. He delighted in gaining knowledge of every sort, and he ' constantly craved time and facilities for study. Well, Joe was seventeen now, and whiter was just coming on. The dis-triot school was about to begin, with an uncommonly well-qualified teacher, and Joe was very anxious to go; but his father had other plans. " Joe," said ho, one evening, " our barn must be built larger next year, and the whole roof '11 have to be shingled new, and we mnst get out the shingle this winter. We must get out,enough, while we are abont it, to sell some to buy flour with. We've got to buy for the first time since lean remember, thanks to last summer's drought and the early frost, which have left us neither corn nor wheat. I'll shavo the shingles, but you must split them ready for me. Yon must get up the wood " (that big fire place could consume more wood than a moderate-sized township would nowadays). "Besides, the fodder for the stock is uncommonly short, and there's no grain for them; so it will be a tough job to get them through the winter alive, Altogether, we shall have a pretty busy winter, I calculate." Joe thought a little before he replied. He felt the truth of all that his father had said, bufihe could not reconcile himself to the idea of giving up the winter-schooling. He was not easily discouraged, and in a few moments he spoke, up cheerfully: " Father, I belie've I can do work and go to sohooj too." "Thenyou'll have to command the . sun and moon to stand still six or eight hours every day, and that's more than ever Jothna undertook." " I could command them rosy enough, but the Uzy fellows are in euoli a hurry to got to bed this cold weather, that I don't suppose they would obey me as well as they obeyed Joshua. But I've berff thinking it over, and I believe I can do it ail without interfering with the sun aud-moon,-- ~--� * I'd like to know how ?" " Well, the. timber is close by, and I can get up the wood Saturdays, and out it nights and mornings, and help take t care of the stook, too, if we get up early." � That may all be, but when do you t calon/ate to split tho shingles for me ? " "Oh, 1*11 do thatafter dark," "Butyou can't see to work in the night" " I believe I can fee well enough to do that, if mother will let me split them , here by the fire place," " "What ?" said his mother, V and have the house littered all over every evening, and all the racket besides ? And you'd batter the floor all up. No, Joe, that never will do." 1 "But, mother, I could keep the shingle-blocks here snug in the corner, and split them on this flat stone, and I don't think the noise will he very bad." Well, yon cantry it, for aU 1 care, but I don't believe yon,oan see well-enough by fire-light. Itft) precious candles we have this year, and they must be kept for siokness and company." " Of course he can't see to split shingles by fire-light," said his father, " and he oould "n't split enough, evenings, s'posin' he could see." " I can split pretty fast, you know, father," persisted Joe ; " and I'll make so bright a light with the splinters and shavings, that we won't want a oandle." A Eoore of other objections was brought against Joe's projeot by his' mother and sisters, and not a little ridicule; but by his promising, if he failed in his plan; to give up sohool, his father reluctantly consented, adding : "I don't see any sense in it. You are ahead of all the sohool now,"�and "what more yon want, I'm sure I don't know. And there's another, thing about it. If you are going to sohool, that coal-pit must be 'tended to straight off, unless you think you can do that, too, at night." Thankful for the ground already gained, Joe felt equal to almost any mi dertaking, and asked : "Can't we go abont it to-morrow? There's a moon." "May be we can, if it is fair weathe was the response, and so the matter was settled. Tne next day, after the conversation about the winter's work and schooling, Joe and his father proceeded to build a ooal-pit. It was made of white birch trees, which, Btrange to say,- had not been even scorched when his father had burned off the clearing, and showed their white trunks rs oleanas ever, He bad all the sides'- nearly done, Jt was quite dark; and the great black heap looked gloomy enough, when suddenly Joe heard a loud puff, and instantly it was as light as day all abont him. He looked up and saw what seemed burning smoke pouring out of the apertures on the opposite side. These flames streamed up over the pile with .a wonderful brightness. He examined more closely and satisfied himself that there was no fire close to the surfaoe of the pit, but the air around it and over it seemed to bo on fire, as though the smoke had burst into a blaze after it got out. Convinced that the inside of the coal-pit was in no immediate danger, he began to marvel at and admire the bril-lianoy of the light; but he oould not explain it. < After enjoying it for some time, he continued his work, and Boon had the last side banked up. Then the mound of wood and earth'seemed disenchanted, and behaved itself* like any other sober ooal-pit. With the welcome days at school came the long evenings of shingle-splitting, splinters,that tbeold farm-house seemed cheerful. But he soon disoov- to do it, if I only could study it out," declared our hero as he put on his cap. Tramoing homeward through . the snow, Joe's wrinkled brow gradually smoothed itself out, and when he went in to supper and saw the tea-kettle on the orane sending forth clouds of steam, whioh hissed and puffed and made the heavy iron cover dance, he was as smiling and cheerful as ever. His mother thought he smelled the " flap-jacks " she was cooking. So he did, perhaps ; but his mind was so full of something else, that he was Eoarcely oonsoious of flapjacks. As he was beginning his evening task, his father said to him : 'Now, Joe, that's no kind of use. You can't do it, and I knew it all the time. I've had to be busy a part of the time at something else, so far, and tomorrow your mother wants to go up to Uncle Gilmore's, and next day I must go to mill, so may be you can go to school the rest of this week and yet keep me in shingles; but then you see, yourself, that when I gst to work in earnest, as I must next week, you'll have to stay at home." " Perhaps I shall," Joe replied. "I've been afraid of it. But I want to try one thing more first. Mother, is that old tea-kettle up garret good for anything?" "I'm going to sell it one of these days for old iron. It isn't of any use now to any one. It's oraoked down the sides, and all ready to fall to pieces. If you want something to put your gim-oraoks in, you'd better make a box, and let that smutty thing alone." : "No, if you please, mother. I'd rather have that old oraoked tea-kettle than anything else I know of just now.". "Very well," said his mother, "you can have it." - That night, Joe split shingles with all his speed, and coaxed his younger brothers and sisters to keep up the firelight for hira, so that at bed-time he had a good supply prepared for his father. Saturday he spent in drawing loads of wood to the house. During these trips he secured a quantity of birch-bark, whioh he put carefully away. Just be-, fore night, he came down stairs with his tea-kettle, and the girls shouted that Joe was going to set up housekeeping by himself, and that he had an old tea-kettle to start with. Little Moses tripped after him, and whispered : " Are you going to make a mouse-trap of it, or what ?" "Wait a little bit," Joe whispered baok, " and we'll see." His mother looked curious, but said nothing, until Joe began to stir up a batter in the pan she had been mixing her tea-biscuit in, asking, as he did so, how she made brown bread. This was joined in making fun of him and his oraoked kettle. Joe was. irritated, of; course, but was so full of his new idea that he hadn't time to get angry, and he oomforted himself with the belief that it might be-his turn to laugh before long. Yet he knew he never would hear the last of it if his experiment failed.' He watched it very anxiously. - At last, his father imperatively ordered him to take his kettle away; but he was so earnest in his pleading for time to give his idea a fair trial that his mother interposed out of pity, and his father consented to let him alone, thinking he would thus be more oonvinoed that he was following up a crazy notion. So Joe, thankful for the respite, kept intently watching the flames reach up toward the queer, patched objeot ou the orane, baking the dough-oem'ent harder, and concealing it with a deposit of soot. Soon atraoeof steam issued from the spout, and became a new center of interest to him, and a new subject for chaffing by the merry circle of sisters. When the steam passes off the gas will begin to come," explained Joe, quietly. Then there was a new cause of alarm. Jane beoame more and more nervons-"fidgety,"as her mother said because company was coming, and her brother and his old tea-kettle would We town talk." This nearly stopped his proceedings, but he managed to save his maobine a little longer, Jane's " young man" still delaying his expected coming; and as the 'clouds of steam began to grow lees and less, with that even the Housekeeping Hints. Pish Balls.-On the morning yon intend having them, pare your potatoes and boil; drain off tho water, and cover with a clean towel to dry. First, though, boil your codfish till done; then pull to shreds, oarefully feeling for every bone and lump.' Mash the potatoes very finely, pour in a little warm milk and a small lump of butter; beat up your potatoes till they are light as down, then mix with your fish, and work all togeth-er thoroughly. A small raw onion, ohopped very finely, mixed through, gives a flavor which many persons like ; no pepper nor egg. When ready, roll into small oakes lightly, and fry a deli-oate brown. The particular part is to have your potatoes' quite soft with the milk, and fish with not the smallest lump. Good Obullerb.-To one quart of flour rub two scant teaspoonfulB sea-foam, lump of butter half size of an egg, good oupf ul of white sugar, a pinoh of salt, yolks of two eggs. Work.these together thoroughly but very lightly, using the tips of your fingers. Moisten with enough milk to make-as soft a dough as possible to roll out, using as little flour as you oan, foiling out into twists. It must be a sticky dough. Keep your fingers just dipped in flour. If the mixture be too stiff your crullers will be tough. Too muoh working will toughen them, too. Have your lard well boiling, and drop in quiokly and watch carefully. Cboqukttes and Rich.-Chop up cn onion very fine, and fry it in butter till it be of a golden color; then stir in a tea- strange earnestness, that even thoughtless little ones respected, Joe begged for only ten minutes longer.and , , . -, . ....__, . . .. warned Jane and her tongs away from onPfu] of noe 5 let �' oook m the butter ------------ - - , -  ----w'- . ,� i .......- -1 inr a t/xttj tniTV very oneerfui. Jtmt ne soon oovered that so many minutes were consumed in feeding the fire, that, when bed-time came, he had'seriouB misgivings whether, in spite of all his exertions, there were enough shingles prepared for his father to shave the next day. On tho morrow he found that his doubts were well founded, and the next night it was little better, though he worked with redoubled energy, and though his mother occasionally paused in her knitting long enough' to throw a handful of splinters on tho fire iu front of the enormous back log. That night Joe's countenance wan rueful, and his f itber smiled ominously hb he glanced at the pile of shingles just before retiring. On his way home from sohool one day he had an errand at the house of a neighbor, named Wheeler, and,in tho courso of a friendly ehat, Mrs. Wheeler found out about joe's difficulty. Her ready interest and sympathy drew him out, and he told her, also, of his strange nig'it in the woods. Wbut Eort of wood was your ooal-pit. made of, Joe ?" she asked. The white biroh that grew on that knoll in the piece we cleared ia Oot o-ber." "Thon the bark was all burned off, of course." , - No," replied Joe; "the "wind carried the fire clean past tho kuoll, without so mnoh as tcorohing it. So we had poor burn, but we had a nice job, catting aud piling tho birches in their clean white jackets, so we didn't'much care." You are sure the light you saw did not come from the inside of the pit?" Oil, yes, quite sure. It was dark olose to tho coal-pit, but it seemed an though the steam from the green wood caught' firs afte* it came out. But, of course, steam wont burn any more than water. I wish it would. I'd hang tea-kettle of water on the crane, and after it began to boil I oould set the steam on fire, and see to work nicely." " That ligbianust have come from the burning of something which chemists call gas," said the sensible woman, thoughtfully. "And it must be that tho gas came from the green-birch bark, and that tho heat drove it off, and set it oh fire," ex-olaimcd Joe, suddenly. '' Nobody else's ooal-pit got bewitched, as old Mr. Clark said this one was, because noboay else ever cleared a piece of land and didn't burn the birch-bark." "No," said Mrs. Wheeler, reflectively; " witches don't infest coal-pits, that ever I heard of." "Now," resumed Joe, with hjs'brow all in a pnoker, " can't I get a light from birch-bark up at the house somehow, if I try, as* wolf as down in the woods when I didn't *ry,,at all? If 1 only oould build a little green biroh oaal-pit in tho bouse I" .' " I'm afraid you would have more coal than house if you should." " Tfee, I suppose we should, and I'd hive to split shingles for a home as well m "a barn. Bat f believe, there is a way and she exolaimed "Why! What in the World, Joe? Thero'b plenty of rye mid brown bread, of course ; it's Saturday night I" Yes, I suppose there is," Joe answered, quietly ; " but I want brown-bread crust for a particular purpose." The dough made, Joe came out of his mystery enough to remark that he wob going to stop the cracks in his old teakettle, and then he disappeared into the wood-shed, Lois called after him that if he didn't grease his tea-kettle well, it would stick." He's going to make a tea-kettle dumpling!" shouted Deborah But Joe, out in the cold wood-shed, kept plastering dough over the oraoks in the tea-kettle. This well done, he began outting into small pieces the birch, bark he had saved, so that it could be crowded closely into the tea-kettle. By the time he had filled it, supper was called, and Joe, going in, set his patched contrivance close by the fire, "Well, Joe," laughed his mother, "what now" Are you going to turn blaoksmith or baker ?" "Joe, Joe," piped Moses,' "will you be a blacksmith or a bakesmith, mother says ? " O, I am a shingle-splitter," said Joe, smiling back. " And I'd like to be a ligutsmith, too, pretty well, if I oould." After supper was cleared' away, and the big kettle was taken off the crane, Joe hung on his tea-kettle, bread dough, biroh-bark, and all, swung it over the fire, and sat down to watcti the result of his operations "What is it, anyhow, Joe?" asked Moses. "Why, don't you see? It's an old tea-kettle." "What you dot in it?" piped little Judith. "Biroh-bark, sis," responded Joe, laconically. " Maple-bark is best to make ink of; isn't it, mother ?!' queried Debby. " Yes, indeed, Joe, and you don't have to burn it-only steep it, and put in a little copperas." "I am not trying to make-ink, mother," Joe answered, " though I must make some before long." Then turning to his father, he said " You remember how the ooal-pit we burned last week got�bewitohed,' don't you? Well,!! think it must have been the green-birch bark, whioh I don't sup pose ever before got piled into a coal pit, that caused the light somehow, though I dou't know how; and I am trying to see if biroh-bark wont make a light here as well as there." Joe spoke with a depreoating tone, for he knew his father's violent antipathy toward all "new-fangled notions.'" " Well, you are a dunce, to be sure. Don't you suppose: that if biroh-bark had been good for anything but a torch, somebody would have found it out before this.?.. XQ.ung. folkB,.-!n,owadays, think they know more than their fathers. It wasn't bo when I was- a boy. You'd better just put that tea-kettle out of the way and go to work," The key-note had been struck by his fattier, aid ever j yoioe in the aouaehold interfering, in a tone so quietly'stern, that she never thought of answering him, but sat down immediately. The girls went to work on their grammar lesson, but soon got baok to the kettle. Everybody's thoughts spun round that black, hissing objeot j ust now. They talked a good deal about it, but Joe did not appear to be listening. The steam had stopped entirely, and he was carrying a lighted shaving with trembling hands toward the spout of the kettle. A brilliant blaze suddenly lighted up the house. " Hurrah I" cried Joe. " Sell your box of candles and buy yourself a new gown, mother. Hurrah for sohool and shingles all winter 1 Hurrah I" Why, Joe I" oricd his mother, something sparkling inlier eyes, "why, Joe, I didn't think it would burn so; but it does, and I'm glod of it, too." Little Moses and Judith skipped about- from one corner to another, laughing to know that something was not hid there tooatohthem every time they ventured into the darkness. Joel came in just then to Jane's great satisfaction, though, perhaps, he did not help to correot a grammar reoitation on Monday. Notwithstanding his presence, she did not seem very seriously alarmed for Joe's reputation. Joel looked on the blazing tea-kettle in amazement, and with some trepidation. " May be it's bewitohed I" said he to Jane. " O, I don't know what Joo's been doing to it, I'm sure," said the promising girl; "but I guess it ia light enongh to see to play oat's oradle," and so they tried it, "Why, Joe, you're a g6nius instead of a dunce, I do declare," cried Debby. "This is an invention, and no mistake,"" "Yon are all acting like a parcel of dunces,'''deolaied their father, preparing to go to bed. " 'Taint no great wonder that biroh-bark should burn after it got afire, if it is in an old tea kettle. It'll all burn out in ten minutes." No, Debby, I'm only a dnnoe," Joe replied; "but you will soon see that it will burn all the evening." And it did. At bed-time the teakettle was taken from the orane and the blaze extinguished. The next evening it was hung on again-this time with out opposition-and lighted after it got hot, no time being lost in waiting for steam to dry off. Joe split his shingles now without delay, and never was there a more diligent and happy fellow. Toward the end of the week the orust burned off the oraoks in the kettle, whereupon the light bboame more brilliant than ever, for it streamed out from every crack as well as from the spout, and the blaok.old tea-kettle was clothed in a mantle of flickering Are. But Joe was afraid the shattered constitution of his favorite would hardly hold together under so muoh excitement. "So, on Saturday, he plastered the oraoks over anew, this time with day, and filled it with a new stock of biroh-bark. And thus he worked by his tea-kettle light all winter. The fame of Joe's invention was soon spread abroad, and everybody wondered, for there were cot supposed to be so many new things under the sun in those days ; and when something extraordinary did happen, it made a Btir. Many were the inquiries from neighbors that Joe had to answer about his tea-kettle light, and at home, from some slight Indications, whioh he was quick to perceive, he inferred that even his father and 'Jane were rather proud of him, as they surely had good reason to be. Thus endeth the true history of the first of all the gas factories.-St, flieholae; for a few minutes, - stiring oil the time; then add one pint of good gravy, and simmer slowly. When nearly cooked put a little grated nutmeg, Parmesan oheese (also grated), salt and pepper to taste. Mix well up, when thoroughly done, let it stand a few minutas before the fire, and just before serving stir in a small piece more butter. Serve with nicely fried oroquettes of any kind of meat or poultry. A Obbam to Eat with Pbtjit.-Boil half a pint of oream and half a pint of milk with a bit of lemon peel ; add a few almonds beaten to a paste with drop of water and a little sugar. Take teaspoonful of dried flour, rub it smoothly down with a little oold milk and a few drops of orange-flower water ; mix all together and let it boil; let it remain till quite oold, and then add a little lemon juice. HAPPY HOUR. / THE tbe busy day is over, The household work is done ; The cares that fret tho morning Have faded with the sun; And in the tender twilight, I sit in happy rest, With my darling little baby Asleep uf on my breast. White lids, with silken fringes, Shut out the waning light; A little hand close-folded Holds mamma's fingers tight; And in their soft white wrappings, At last in perfect rest, Two dainty feet are cuddled, Like birdies in a nest. AH hopes and loves unworthy Depart" at this Bweet hour; All pure and noide longings Renew their holy power j For Glirlst, who, iu the Vlretn, Our motherhood has blest, Is near to every woman With a baby on her breast. WIT AND WISDOM. Mary and Her Little Beau. Mary had a little,beau as sweet as he oould be; but every nightrhe wouldn't go, and that made misery. For Mary's ma, she never slept but listened full of fears; and when, so lato, poor Mary crept to bed, she'd box her ears. And pa said gas bills til were high and that the coal was low, and swore he'd mar der by and by that chap who wouldn'; go. And Mary she grew thin and pale her lover he grew stout; her parents1 threats have no avail, he would not bo put out. And spite of Mary's woful gaze he'i ahovel on the coal, and poko the fire to a blaze and on the sofa loll. At length the pa and ma, both grave, said things had reached a pass when something must be done to save their winter's opal and gas. The youth's " contentions " they must know-and Mary's ma said she would question Mary's little beau, and pa said so would he. Miss Mary wept, but all in vain; that very night her pa walked in the parlor with his oane-behind him. came her ma. And then poor Mary's little beau stopped poking at the grate, and turning pale said he must go before it was too late. But ma baoked up against the door, and pa upheld the oane, and at the frightened youth he swore that now he must remain until he settled for the gas and ooal that he had scored; but if a marriage came to pass-he'd take it for the board. Alas I poor Mary's little beau, had not wherewith to pay, and begged if they would let him go he'd settle up next day. " No trust i" the angry-parent cried, and then he took the lad across his knee and swiftly plied the oane, for he was mad. Then tossed him out upon the snow, and double looked the door ; whioh settled Mary's little beau, who never oame there more.- Whitehall Times, A Pet.-The soldiers at Oamp Douglas, Idaho, have ur a pet a yearling deer with a good ear for musio. "When the Fourteenth Begiment is on parade, "Gen. Ouster," whioh is the animal'b name, marches proudly in front of the drum-major, with head erect aud lofty steps, keeping excellent time to the musio of the band. -The tramp's motto-" God bless our roany- [WUtehaU Tiinea. , ' A Monster Vampire from Asia. In a store in Summit street may be seen an animal the like of whioh but few people in Toledo have ever seen. It is a monster South ABian vampire, the muoh dreaded " blood-suoker" of that oountiy. This rare creature, perhaps the only living specimen of the kind in this country, is about one and a half feet long, has a pair of piercing blaok eyes which shine like diamonds, a double row of sharp teeth, similar to those of a weasel, and its powerful wings when stretched its full length measure two and a half feet from point to point. The vampire hangs suspended from. a bar in the centre of its cage by a pair of formidable daws, and when in repose resembles a closed umbrella. Its body is oovered with a comfortable coat of brown fur, while its beautifully proportioned head, whioh has a remarkable similarity to that of a diminutive blaok-and-tan terrier dog, is surmounted by a pair of large shell-shaped ears. This strange creature is almost totally blind during the day, but at night its little eyes twinkle with astonishing bril lianoy. The vampire is kept in a temperature of about seventy degrees, in order to conform as nearly as possible with the olimate of his native home.- Toledo (O.) Commercial. In Moil's Attibb.--The women oon-viots in tne Kentuoky penitentiary wear men's olothes. "During a ram storm," says a Whitehall young lady.a young man with a good umbrella makes a splendid rain beau.-[Times. -The discovery of diamond-making seems something like Edison's light ; now you see it. and now you don't.- [Indianapolis News. �It is one thing to try and behave like a gontleman and quite another thing to be a gentleman and not need to try. [Buffalo Express. -They are oalled bucket-shops because the unsophisticated speculators whom they take in turn pale so often,- [New Haven Register. -TJie Ozar of Russia is muoh more fortunate than the man who gets " blown up" by his wife every day.- f Haoitensack Republican. -One man eloped with the wife of another from a spelling-bee in Tennessee. It seems a spelling-bee has its sting as well an others.-[Troy Press. -Selling kisses to swell the Irish relief threatens to bo inaugurated by the girls. H'm ; if complimentary tickets are issued to editors, we favor the plan. -[Philadelphia Ohroniole-Herald. -An enterprising bootblaok on Washington street at the South End, has hung out the following sign:-"Great reduction in prices. Shine 3 cents. Sunday shine 5 oents."-[Boston Courier. -A Rhode Island man who left a son and daughter penniless' that he might give Harvard College $50,000, had his will busted so quick that it almost turned his grave around.-[Detroit Free Press. -This is the kind of weather when doctors advise everybody to keep on their flannels, and everybody tells everybody else confidentially that they took theirs off yesterday on a venture.-[Baltimore News. - Goods injured by flra have such roady Hale when advertised, that we really believe it some one should advertise a sale ol powder saved from a powder mill explosiou.'it would gooff readily.-[Cincinnati Saturday Night. -"And now, Aurelius," she said, reining her pretty head upon his manly shoulder, " I know I am full of fault.", but you will bear with them, will you not ?" And he took the hint and hugged her on the epot.-[Hawkeye. -One reason-and it's a big one- why some men don't get on better in the -world is beoause they shoot Qrst and take aim afterward. There are others, again, who take aim but never shoot. They never hit anything.-[Lowell (Mich.) Journal. -The wide leather belts recently so popular with the fair sex, have disappeared from the street, and hundreds of husbands are now strapping their razors on leather that once encircled their wives' waists.-[Philadelphia Ohroniole-Herald. . -The enemies of the Czar of Russia will attempt shooting him, blowing him up and stabbing him, and still he will live until some day, when he is fooling with a revolver that isn't loaded, he'll get the whole top of his head blown off, [Oil City Derriok. -A senior, after vainly trying to explain some scientific theory to his fair inamorata, said : " The question is difficult, and I don't see what I oan do to make it olearer." V Suppose you pop it ?" whispered the blushing damsel- Columbia Spectator. A defaulting county treasurer in Iowa exoused his oonduot on the ground that he had dreamed he must take $8,000 and buy certain lands, and that he was a believer in dreams. He didn't- have to dreim that he was sent to State Prison.-[Detroit Free Press. Hereafter we shall deoliue all invitations to take breakfast with Mr. Alexander, Ozar of Russia. We never oould enjoy a meal when the dining-table is being blown through the roof by a paroel of alleged humorists, as it were.-[NprriBtown Herald. -It is curious to note how a flaming qew silk handkerchief will struggle up from the deepest breast pocket into the light of day acd linger there, while the soiled cotton one skulks at the bottom, making only now and then a hasty sally into the open air.-[Baltimore Gaaette. -At dinner she had a doctor on either hand, one of whom remarked that they were well served, since they had a duck between them, "Yes," she broke in-� her wit is of the sort thjtt oorheB to flaahep4-"Jand I am between fcfo; qnusks. Then t ejlenoe fell, " " Truusaript ';''-'�;.: '.'�i^k;* ;