Bath Independent, January 31, 1880

Bath Independent

January 31, 1880

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Issue date: Saturday, January 31, 1880

Pages available: 4

Previous edition: Saturday, January 24, 1880

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Publication name: Bath Independent

Location: Bath, Maine

Pages available: 28,260

Years available: 1880 - 1961

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Bath Independent (Newspaper) - January 31, 1880, Bath, Maine NDEPENDENT. -A. Local, Bwrineas, .A^friotiltm-fil and Family Newapaper. VOL. I. BATH, MAINE, SATURDAY, JANUARY 31, 1880. NO. 8. THE SHAKE OF A BAND. There's rfjeelinK'ihat thrills yon with joy or wUh'paia, That is felt lh the shake of th� hand, And records if aught but a [thought you may ga* When you faced]to adversity may Btapd. How many whose hand, though seemingly kind. Like an icicle chills to the bone; Ifot a shade of warm feeling within can you .......... Una;'~..... Though appearance will greatly dlsowi). Then give me the hand of a man with a heart That scorns to be seen In disguise; When you shako it you feel It is honesty's part, And the rest can be-read in his eyes. There's others from whom not a sigh will awake, Indifferent and chill they i-oraaln, As if all emotion was bound to a stake, With 1U limit tho length of a chain. And should you, through courtesy, b8 thrown in their way, Where civility makes a demand, You jwt feci the tips of their flngors when they, Ab if stung, draw quickly the hand. you meat more .Inviting will White others stand, And extend you their palm with a smile, And greet you quite hearty, at least with the - hand,; Though their eyes are away all the while. While some with a pleasure that's stamped on their face ' Will greet you with truth In their eyes; "From the grasp.of their hand it is easy to trace That there is not a shade of dleguise. Willie's Earnings. * stobx of a woman^s devotion, " Wine, grapes, oranges !" The delicate-tooting girl repeated the words slowly and sadly, as she quietly , acetudtd the stairs that led to the sick brother's room. On the landing she golfed a moment to brush off the two great tears that trembled upon her eye-Sids, and then choking down a pod, she softly opened, the door and advanoed to the bedside. " - Tho sufferer had fallen into a slight slumber, and tho tears that she would have'driven back had he been awake to eco them, now raining down her cheeks, as she noted how ghastly white wan his .face, how sunken his eyes, and how thin and pinched were his lips. " He will, he must die I" she breathed to herself, as, turning away, she went with a noiseless footstep into the next room ; "for how, howaaa I get the money to buy anything for him that he really needs? Wine, grapes, oranges I Oh, how eaBy it is for physicians to tell what their patients need-but how terribly, how fearfully hard it is sometimes for their nurses to get it 1 What can I do, whntshallldo?" " Is Alfred worse?" '� No, darling ; ot le�6t I think not. Tho dootor was here a while ago, and said ho wbb. doing as well as we oculd expect. All ho needs now is nourishing food. "Ob, Willie, if there was only' *�ome way that we oould get wine, and grapes and oranges!" And the tears started again,. "Did the'doctor1 say he ought to have them?" And tha boy's eyes opened very wide. " Yes, Willie; and they cost so muoh. And then I must pay the rent, and--".. But her voioe failed her, and in the convulsive sob that shook her whole Jrame, there was a bitter, bitter Btory of wants that her slender lingers oould never hope to supply. " Don't Liilie-don't cry bo. Only say you'll let ma stop away from-school this Rfternuon, and I'll eara money enough to buy him some oranges, at least. I know I can. Won't you let mew Iiillie ?" And bo clasped her hands and looked pleadingly in her faoo. " What'oould such a little fellow as you do?" And a"tender pity settled in her (yes an she glanced at his slight figure and slender fingers, " I oould run an errand, oarry a bundle or oarpet-bag-oh, I oould do something ;J know I oould ! Do sis, Eay job -just once!" And he coaxed until he won a roluot-ant oonEent. Then, eating hia slice of bread and butter, and making very suie that his face and bauds were clean, and his hair neatly brushed, he kiBBe4.his RtBter, said good-by in a oheerful touo,-tvrid went oh*. * * * * " Have a fly, sir ? -fly, sir ?-fly, sir ? -oarry you to any part," Ralph Belmont found his exit from the station prevented by three burly hack-drivers, each the owner of a stentorian voice and a heavy whip, whioh was brandished to tho imminent peril of many a poor traveler's heitd and shoulders. "No," said he, impatiently motioning tho same time to moke way, and adding, under breath to himself, "And if I did I could unk no one. No I" lifting his voice as the third and most persistent fellow of the throe laid a, hand on bis arm as if to load him toward his chaise; "I choose to walk." And he brushed hastily through the portal, and sot his foot firmly on tha pavement. As he did so, a magazine dropped ' from the pocket of his overcoat. It was picked up and respeotfully uffered to (dm by a bright-eyed little fellow, who at the same moment asked timidly : � Don't yon want your bag carried, air?" "And if I do," the tiaveler replied, good-humoredly, " do you think I'd trust euoh a little monkey as you I" The boy's cheeks reddened, and there was a suspioious moisture in the blue eyes. Bat mastering his oonfusion, he said, quiotly: " And why not, sir ? Do you fear I'd runaway with it?" . " I think I oould catch you if you made the attempt, my little one; and what do you suppose I'd do with you when caught?" *' O, I'd promise never to do so again, !�d jgnM.ta fearleBBly this time, for, with the quiok intuition of childhood, he read the heart of Ralph Belmont, " But you don't look as if you were ueed to carrying bags." "Nor am I-but-oh, sir, I do want to earn some money very muoh indeed this afternoon t" And his voioe was ohoked,,......................................................'..........._ 'vWell, take it up, then, and oome on." And tho traveler strode away toward an hotel which, fortunately for the young porter, was only a short distance. The bag was large and heavily paoked, and Ralph Belmont watched the boy with muoh amusement, as he noted how, hard the little fellow tried to aot as if it were light as a feather-how he shifted it from one hand to the other in seeming carelessness, and then, with a merry whistle, would hold it before him, olasp-ing the handles with all his fingers. The perspiration Btood in -great beads upon his face, and his cheeks grew crimson; but still he bent his shoulders to the taBk, and bravely, kept, np with, tho owner. "Quite a lift, wasn't it, little one?" asked the traveler, kindly, as at last they stood together in the hall of the hotel. '' And how muoh do you charge me ?" taking out a plethoric portmonnaie. " I-I don't know what it is worth.; but I wish you thought I had earned the price of a few oranges." " And, if I did, and should pay you a shilling, what would you do with the fruit?" "Oarry it home to Al-to my siok brother, sir." "And was it to buy oranges for a siok brother that you have worked so hard, my little man ?". And Ralph Belmont's hand was placed softly, tenderly on the strained shoulders. That gentle touch dissolved the boy's high-wrought ambition, and he burst into teai'H. "Come up stairs with me;" and taking the small, delioate hand, the palm of whioh was nearly blistered, the traveler led him up into the spacious and richly-furnished parlor,, whioh, having tele-graped for two dayB before, was awaiting his orders. " Tell me all about it," as ninking into an easy chair, he drew the boy between his knees. " Has your brother been ill long?"  Yes, sir," wiping away the last tear. "Very long. We have many times thought he would die; but the dootor thinks now he will get well again if he oan' only eat something nourishing. This morning he said we must get grapes, and oranges, and wine for him, aud sister cried because we couldn't; and I ooaxed her to let me go out and try to earn something, and at last she said I might. She never would before -she has always kept me at school. She can't bear I should runabout tho streets. But I am not going to live on her earnings ony more. I'mgoing to work. It's a Bhomo for her to have to support us all" "And how many are there of you ?" " Three-brother, and sister, and me. But, oh, sir, it costs a great deal to live now-a-days; everything is so dear I Shall you want any'errands done while you stay here ?" " Perhaps so- perhaps so 1 Can you tell a sweet from a sour orange?" "I don't hardly know, it's so long sinoe I've bought one ; and yet-" And the tears started again. "Yet what, my little man? Speak out." " And yet, once we used to have them for dessert every day." "Then you haven't always been poor ?" " Oh, no, no, sir I Before papa failed wo were very rioh. Sister says it's all right, our losing everything as wo did ; but-but it seems to me it's all wrong. Oh I it's awful hard, sir, to be poor, and have to oat bread or potatoes," V Awful hard I Yes, I should think so I Bee here, my-what's your name ?" " William, sir." " Well, Willie, if you're in no hurry, and will stay and dine with me, I will treat you to something bettor than brend and potatoes." "Thank you, sir; but-but I must take the oranges to my brother first, and then, if sister is willing,  I will come back. I think she will be, top, for she cries almost every day because she oarj't give me something better to eat." And ho reached for his cap. "I will go with you and seleot the fruit;" and the two descended the stairs, and passed out on to tho thronged pavement. A few pacerf" brought them to a shop, and Willie's eyes roated longingly on the boxes of grapes, the baskets of pears and peaches, and the pyramidal piles of golden, crimson, and russet-brown apples. Taking a brown paper bag, Ralph Belmont placed in it a dozen of the Quest oranges, and on top of them laid carefully a heavy cluster of grapes; then, turning to a flower-girl, who stood near, he bought a fragrant and beautiful nosegay, and handed the whole to Willie, who hod watohed his proceedings with dilated eyes. " This for me-for me to take home- and I didn't earn but a shilling ?" " Yes, my little man. And run' home with it quiokly, for I have just thought of another errand for you to do after we haye had our dinner." And he turned away abruptly. Had Willie's feet been wiDged, he could hardly have reached borne sooner than he did. For onoe he .forgot his usual caution, and bounded up stairs, and into his sister's room, after the. fashion of boys in general. " See, see 1" he] exolaimed; " see what I've earned for Alfred and you I The fruit is for him, and trteVJfowers for you. And, Liilie, mayn't I go and dine with the gentleman who paid me ?" " Dine with the gentleman. Are you crazy, Willie 1" And his sister dropped her work in amazement. " What do i"TOtl*TfiBBn"? Take "tame to bTeatheran* tell me how you came by this fruit. You haven't been telling any one of our troubles ?" And her cheeks flamed, for she was not yet hardened to her poverty, and the pride of other days still stung her sorely at times. "Told! Do you mean I've begged ?" And the boy's eyes disclaimed the idea more eloquently than his tones. " No I" And he managed, between his gasps for a long breath, to tell the truth. "And you'll let me go, Liilie, won't you? Think how long it is since I've had a real dinner; and then it'll be suoh a saving, beoauBe I shall not want any supper or breakfast. Do say I may go!'.' She hesitated awhile, and then consented, thinking it was but some eooentrio rioh man's whim, and- hardly wondering that her little brother's fair, bright cduntehahbe should so soon have won him a generous friend. His face and hands were again washed, aud his hair brushed, his olothes dusted (he had but one suit), and a fresh oollar pinned on. Then, with a kiss, he danced away, and was soon again in the travelers' sitting-room. Dinner was served in a few moments, and as Ralph Belmont watched the zest with whioh the boy discussed the luxurious viands, ho said to himself: "I shall never forget this good deed, whether it be he or not, for the youngster was half-starved on his dry fare." And again he heaped the plate of his little visitor. Are you sure you've had enough, now?" he asked kindly, as they rose from their seats. Oh, yes, sir-yea, sir! I shan't want to eat again before the day after to-morrow; and just think what a saving that'll be to Bister I, Oh ! I should like to run errands all the time if everybody were like you 1 -What shall I do now ?" "Nothing just now. I am going out by-and-by to hunt up some old friends ; and, as I am almost a stranger here, I should like to have you to show me about the streets a little. Sit down by me while I tell you a little of my story." And he motioned the boy to the sofa, and then sank into an arm chair. But he did not speak at once. He seemed burjed in deep thought-thought that carried him far back into the past. Finally he began, abruptly : "I was engaged to be married onoe to a very beautiful girl, whom I loved with my whole soul. Our bridal day was appointed, and everything in readiness, when suddenly there came news of her father's failure. He fell from affluence to poverty in the twinkling of an eye. I would have had the wedding proceed, as agreed upon, but-and he ground his teeth for an instant-"I was forbidden by my father to take a portionless bride under penalty of his curse, and-and my darling would not marry me with a father's malediction hanging over my head. So we parted-I to travel with my parents'in other lands, and she to begin the hard, hard life of toil. Two years after we left England my mother died, blessing me with her last breath for, my filial care. A year ago my father 'passod away, and-and he, too, blessed me, and in that dying hour revoked hiB curse, and bade me seek my first, last, only love, and marry her." He stopped here as abruptly as he had oommenoed, and leaving his seat, strode to tho window, and seemed to be looking upon the crowded street and listening to its sounds ; but oould tho boy have seen into tho traveler's eyes he would have noted that introverted look whioh passes by the present soene, and is lost in the far-off past, while his ears heard not the medley of the hour, but the rich strains of his darling's voioe as it sang to him in the days gono by. Turning, at length, he said softly : " I came back to my native land.Willie, to find her-came back as fast aa ever the wind and waves would bear me, But she is gone from the plaao where she used to live-she and the two whom death has spared her-for her father and mother soon passed away-gone, and I cannot find her!" But I can-I can, Bir 1" cried the boy; and he sprang from his seat, and seized his cap. 1 It's our Liilie I I know it is Liilie, for she-, Oh I isn't your name Ralph Belmont? And he grasped the knees of the traveler, and looked at him searohingly. " Ay, Willie ; and this"-and he drew tho boy to his 'heart-"is the little brother whom I used to dance on my knee and o�ry on my shoulder I I tneught I could not be deceived in those bright blue eyes, and those soft brown outIs-they are Lillie's over again." And he smoothed the little rings that clustered about the boy's forehead and gazed wristfully into his eyes. "And have you really come back to- to marry sister ?" "If she loves me yet." " Oh, she does 1-she does t She had to sell the locket you gave her to buy medioine for poor Alfred ; but she kept your picture, and wears it all the time.!' "Doyou know where she sold it?" The man's voiqe was husky. " Yes sir; but don't be angry ; for, indeed, she oried very, very hard about it; but you see we are bo poor 1" "Let as go and see if, we oan bay it back again. Gome." And be took tho boy's hand and hor> ried down the stairs into the street, his heart throbbing convulsively, and every nerve in a quiver. He .had not before realized the straits to which hiS'darling bad been driven. ' '-' . How fast he walked 1 so fast that Willie hud to run beside him, and yet every moment seemed an hour, every street a mile. The looket was still in the jeweler's hands, and Ralph Belmont re-purohased it in the twinkling of an eye, and again took the bey'e-hand and went on, pausing only once more long enough to buy a bottle of wine, ere they stood breathless before the humble house whioh held tho apple of his eye. A few whispered words of caution to his little guide, and the two went noiselessly up the stairs. Pushing open one door, and not findiug his sister there, Willie passed quietly into the further room. The table was drawn up close beside the bed,- and upon it were the earnings of tho little errand-boy, or, more properly, the gifts of the rich traveler. The flowers had been carefully placed in a glass of water, and one of the oranges, peeled and. divided, lay upon a plate ; the others wore neatly arranged in a circle, the grapes seeming to grow out of its oontro. Liilie sat upon the Bide of the pallet^carefully supporting the emaciated form of her brother, and feeding him as a mother might her siok child. "Do they-taste good?" she asked tenderly, as she broke off another of the [lusoious grapes. ......-...........;..................  Good I Oh, Liilie, I've dreamed of them ever sinoe the fever left me- dreamed of just suoh clusters. But they were always just without my reach, and so were the oranges too. But there, I will lie down now. Leave tho table just so. I want the fragrance to float over me all night," and as she softly placed his head upon the pillow, his eyes dosed, and soon the soft and measured breath of slumber stole from his lips. Drawing a single rosebud from the glass, she fastened it among the rioh curls that were tossed bank with suoh careless graoe, and then hurried to the next room. Willie caught her by the hand as sho entered, and, drawing h6r to tho window, Kaid quietly : *'I'Ve got the wine, too, Liilie." "You have?-the wine 1"  and her eyes brightened. Only for a moment, though. A spasm of pain shot through her heart, and with it they frrow humid, and Bhe said, hurriedly: "I hope you haven't deceived me, Willio ; I hope you haven't taken advantage of tho gentleman's kindness and begged this ?" and her fingers convulsively olntohed the precious bottle; precious to her, for, imprisoned in those ruby drops,' was the last chance of a human life- preoious, indeed, for strong pulses seemed beating underneath that dusky glass. "No, I didn't, Liilie; he bought it without my Baying a word. If you don't believe mo, just ask him yourself I" exclaimed the boy, in his eager desire to acquit himself of the reproaoh, forgetting everything he had been instructed to remember. " Ask him, Willie ! You haven't brought a stronger here ?" 'He would .come, Liilie.. Oh, I can't hold it in an y longer-I must tell-it's Ralph, LilJie-our own Ralph 1 Oh, she's dead-I've killed her, telling it so quick ! Oome and catoh her F" Ere the words had passed the lips of the frightened boy, the bronzed traveler, who had stood in statuesque silence on the threshold, was beside the fainting girl, clasping her to his heart, aud calling her by the sweetest of sweet names. Those kisses, hot from his very soul, and passionate with the repressed ardor of years of waiting, how quiokly they brought baok the color to. her cheeks ; bo quiokly, that she wa3 quite reoovored before Willie had managed, in his awk ward haste, to f etoh a glass of 'water. " No more toil for these little hands," murmured Ralph Belmont, as ha folded them in his own; "no more midnight stitching," as he pressed his lips to the drooping eyelids ; " no more pale oheeks," and he held his own to hers till they flushed with borrowed warmth; ' no more sighs from these, but Bmiles, and. songs, and caressing words ;" and he kissed her lips, coral-red now with the new life that bounded in her veins. ****** " Wasn't it lucky, Ralph ?" exclaimed Willio, a month later, as in that sumo parlor where he had first dined with Ralph Belmont, he sat again at the luxurious board, daintily selecting the largest almonds, and tho fairest raisins, and tho sweetest grapes. '' I say, wasn't ,it luoky that I met you just as I did that day,. If I hadn't?" And he looked over to a sofa, where, ensconced in soft velvet oushiona, lay the convalescent brother " It was luoky, Willie ; nevertheless," and the bronzed traveler rose from, the chair and passed to where Liilie stood, waiting so tenderly upon Alfred. He encircled her with his protecting arm, watching her blushes - "nevertheless, I should haye found you soon, for I had resolved to bo a married man ere another raonth closed in. I thought I had waited already quite too long." And he bent and kissed his fair young wife, hia wife who, for love of him, had suffered, and toiled, and waited so many weary, dreary years, but whoBe sorrows were all merged now in joy and trust unspeakable. TOPICS OF THE DAY. WIT AM) WISDOM. -RSjent, statistics show that about two thousand Russian soldiers com' plotely lost their sight during the late war with Turkey. Only about eighty beoame blind through the direot action of warlike causes, the remainder owing their loss of sight to defeotive sanitary arrangements, want of personal cleanliness, insufficient olothing and bad food. MrB. Mary A. Livermore, the leo-turer,* says that the big fires whioh cook our breakfasts cook the women who stand over tho stoves, and that there is a waste of wood and a waste of women. In the same leoture sho speaks of advances made in soience, and tells how, being in the house of a friend, she heard through the telephone a message from the lady's daughter, who wanted .her..-mothor.-to...look.out. of .tho. window while her darling was driving past the house with a beautiful new bonnet. -Lady Frances Wilson was of very plain personal appearanco, yet one gentleman for several seasons perseveringly gazed at her from the pit of the Opera House, so as to cause her considerable annoyance, until at length one day she was informed that Mr.-had left her all his fortune. Prompted by curiosity to ascertain if it was the same person who had admired her at the theatre she requested to see the deceased and identified the corpse as being that of Mr. -. It was said Lady Francis owed tbiB piece of good fortune to a mistake, as it was a very beautiful woman who occupied the next box to hers to whom the gentleman had intended to leave his property, and that ho was "usinformed as to the name of the object of Mb passion. -The editorial rooms of theabscond-ing editor of the Musical and Dramatic 'Tinies,"ai' No. 23 Union square, were covered with velvet carpet and costly furs ; the walls were hidden by piotures and expensive frames ; a buffet Bparkled with Bohemian and iridescent glassware, and deoanters of rare wine. Magnificently carved furniture, n oostly pianO, ebony bookcases filled with expensive books, mirrors, brio-a-brao, statues, were huddled profusely. The place resembled a modern parlor whioh p ar takes of the variety of a pawnshop and the glitter of a photographer's. In this luxurious apartment the paper was edi ted, and we should judge from the results that here its business was man aged. -Lord Chief Justioe Holt in early life was very dissipated and belonged to a club of wild fellows, most of whom took on infamous course in life.. One day, when his Lordship was engaged at the Old Bailey, a man was convicted of highway robbery whom the Judge re> membered to have been one of his old companions. Moved by curiosity Holt, thinking the prisoner did not know him, asked what had become of his old associates. The oulprit, making a* low bow and heaving a deep sigh, replied, " Ah, my Lord, they are all hanged but your Lordship and 11" -A lady at the West has a letter from her grandmother, in whioh Bhe explains that the reason why she had time for letter-writing in the evening was that " cousin Grace Fletcher is trying to entertain a young man by the name of Daniel Webster by playiug checkers. Father and uncle Chamberlain think him a young man of great promise, but we girls think him awkward and rather verdant." -Russian papers are ordinarily maintained by quarterly or yearly subscription, and when the Censor suspends a paper itds customary to issue a list o� papers to be received in lieu of tho Bits-ponded one, with the offer to return the balance of the subscription money in hand in the event of none of them being to the subscriber's taste. The suspension of the Goloa and the prohibition imposed on the Molva .not to re.oeive advertisements has caused suoh a ran upon the Novoe Vrcmya that one day lately it had six pages of advertisements. The Molva, which had been thus practically suppressed, had constantly ad-vooated retrenchment, reduction of the army, and a pacifio policy.  -Mr. LawrenQB Oliphant tells the Constantinople correspondent of tho London Jewish Chronicle that, with with the unofficial approval of Lords Beaconsfield and Salisbury, ho has laid before the Sublime Porte a Bchemo for colonizing the fertile and unoooupied tract of land lying east of the Jordan, now sparccly inhabited by tribes of nomad Arabs, This tract includes the ancient land of Gideon, a part of the plaiUB of Moab, and tho lofty and well-timbered mountain of Gilead.� The only revenue the Turkish Guvornment now derives from it is the small sheep tax paid by the Arabs. Mr. Oliphant's plan is to form a Turkish company for the purpose of colonizing this tract with Jews (though Muslem refugees from Bulgaria and Roumelia will be made welcome), who will become subjects of Turkey. It also includes the. building of a railroad to connect the colony with the seabord. -Miss Emma Abbott has been singing at Kansas City, and one result is the filling of four columns of the Times with remarkable matter about her. Suoh thrilling facts are given ns that she drinks beef tea betweon acta, likes fried oysters, is tucked up in bed every night by her maid, and goes to a clairvoyant to have her fortune told. But the-arti ole reaches a highor plane in descriptive passages like this, about Paul and Virginia's kiss; "Aha, that kiss-that long, low, languishing, limpid, liquid, lingering kiss 1 It was the oalm, holy, eostatio outbreatbing of two fond and trusting hearts, an intermingling of two gentle souls sanctified by love, a communion of the intangible by tangible means, a blending of earth with heaven, in which the latter hod a manifest preponderance. TwaB suoh a Mbs as TroiluB, stealing by night into the Troon camp, might fain have breathed on CreBsida's maiden lips, to the melody of the joyful nightingale that sang of lovo and in the sheen of the round red moon and the stars that see, bnt never tell." The editor who tries to ran a newspaper to ''suit everybody-runs it in the ground.-[Whitehall Times. . -A harsh voice never sounds so disagreeable as when it goeB with a band- ' some faoe.-[Rochester Express. �Several newspaper offices signalized the advent of the new year by indulging in a new towol.-[Bridgeport Standard. The punning poetry popularly pub--Hflhcd probably proceeds . principally from Punnassus.-[Philadelphia Bulletin. -We have heard of some people who say they oould live on music Then it must be on note meal.-[Salem Sunbeam. -If we want tho Indians to oontinue to believe in the general superiority of the white race, why do we lot them go to Washington ?-[Toledo Blade. -When she oalled him her dear litt'e toad, he said she was trying to oonvert him into n little leap-year frog.-[Philadelphia Chronicle. -The two important events in the life of man are when he examines hiB upper lip and sees the hair coming, and when ho examines the top of his head and sees the hair going.-[Troy Whig. -A Chicago man has o woman's tooth grafted into his -jaw, f.nd every time he passes a millinery store that tooth fairly aehea to draw, him up to the window.- [Philadelphia Ghroniole-Herald. ----When, a m'an beoomea tho father of a sixteen year old daughter, commences the period of hia life when the toes of hia boots wear out before the heels becomo italicised.-[Owego Reoord. � � -When the people of this world, as a whole, regret of having done too little, a bit of sudden virtue will be revealed that hns become puny from close confinement.-[Tioga County Reoord. -It is difficult to understand why some people should provide such extensive storage facilities for salt. It is nothing unBnal to hear of the salt rheum and tho salt cellar in the same bouse.- [Keokuk Gate City. -The sea serpent was seen sixteen times in 1879 against nine timeB in 1878. This proves that the whisky manufactured last year was almost twice as demoralizing as that made in 1878.- [Norristown Herald. -When you see four or five children who need combing, washing and patch ing, holding a convention on the front step, you have oome to a house where the mother paints pottery, - [Detroit-Free PreBH. -It is marvelous to observe to what lengths cflioinl Btingineas oan go. Not long ago a poormaster in York State got his back up because a pauper sold a ham whioh was given her to prevent her from starving, to buy a oanary.-[Turners Fulls Reporter. -Jockey - "That horso knows mo, sir. Ho always goes when I'm behind him." Robbings (who has a way of thinking nloud)-" Yes, I should think ho would wa'it to get away from you as fast as possible." -[Boston Transcript. -An cxoellonfc chest-protector for a oold day i3 a folded newspaper buttoned uadur tho overcoat. Bat in oase a paper is usod onwhioh tho subscription is unpaid, tho party is liable to be frozen stiff in a very short time.-[Rooklaud Courier. -A terrible craoking of the ice was heard tho other night and the next mornins; a young lady came down town and said it wasn't the ics at all-it was' the young men breaking their good resolutions. Sua dies an old maid.- [Lowell (M.ioh,) Journal. -It ia said that two wrongs will not make one right. This is erroneous. Even one wrong will make one write fcmetimcs. Just spell a man's name wrong in tho paper and see how quick lie will write you about it.-[Keokuk Gate City. -A man who will turn up bis nose" at homo if a trifling bit of any foreign substance appears in tho food, will gulp dowa ia perfect reeklnsaaess wbole acres of railroad turn-overs, out of whioh ha is obliged to pull no lesa than a dozen hairs.-[Rockiand Courier. -Why is it that when you meet a man ' kerolmok" oo the sidewalk he always turns to his right while you turn to your left, and not satisfied with that be immediately turns to his left and you are just fool enough to turn to your right?-[Now Haven Register. -This being leap-year, a Main street young lady thought she would moke a proposal, and she did. Sho proposed to the young man who hod been keeping her up nights that he clear out aud give soma one else u chance, and be took the hint and cleared.-[Bridgeport Standard. =- A scientist Bays : "The weight of the ma�n of the earth is estimated at 6,069,005,178,000,000,000,000,000 tons. The orbital momentum of the earth is a bout 2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 horsepower." Now ho knows what turns the wind-mills.-[MoGregor News. -We have heard a young ladysoream, when her little brother threw his arms about her neok and say it " tiokled her almost to death," but we have seen a great big fellow throw his arms about the same young lady's neok and yet she never complained exoept when he removed hia amis. This is one of the Mibs tickle things of life.-[Whitehall Times. -The keen alacrity with whioh an insuranoe company readies out. after a man's premium seeroR perfectly^ heartless, and the company feels that it iB so, for it always endeavors to atone fox it ' qy th� sad, gloomy reluctonoe with which it goes into the court to avoid payment of the policy when the. man. dies*-�HawkeyeA mm .�s� f I ;