Saturday, December 22, 1877

Atchison Globe

Location: Atchison, Kansas

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Atchison Globe (Newspaper) - December 22, 1877, Atchison, Kansas THE GLOBE. A Daily Evening Poster Devoted to Gab and Gossip, and Paid Locals PRICE. TWO CENTS. * ATCHISON. KS.. DECEMBER ii KT. vol i no i. FOR HELL,41; AGAINST HELL. 33: ANTI-HELL MAJORITY. 14 That's the way it is tooted up in the (’Lienal• Tri,/mm. Out of ninety-six (’ongregational ministers in Western Massachusetts. fifty-five do not..brieve thiit endless, conscious sn tiering awaits the impenitent. By a majority of fourteen. we are told that the sinner need any form of worship, lie will go an actor, anil in the company of a news-through life with it happy face and a paper man, there was. hi thought, hut light, cheerful heart, .and give no one thing to do. thought to “the gulf of dark dispirit*" that it waits him below. We may Im* thought rather bigoted in our religious views, but we believe iu ‘‘going the whole hog or nom\" If ii part of the Bible is the inspired word “What’ll you take ?" We took whisky. So did lie. We each said ‘‘How.’* and then I said. ibm, do you like whisky?" “I hate'it." “Why do you drink '" “I don't, often. I general! v take gin. •*M\ pinion:    I    will    Nor pardon you. Your insult wa- too deli! tora to—to* studied No br. I eau never forgive you. N« n\ . know. thou master of ria tonsorial art. that I prater a dirty head. I revel in dirt—I luxuriate in dirt. S< did my father before me. God rest hi- barber to soul. But I don't want ii v | make fhn of me." have t o fear-ot the wrath ol ( rod.    | of God. it is all the inspired word of ! “Idon’t, open. I generally take gin. | The indignant customer thivw him- Noxv. siieli unsound orthodoxy as this I Llod. On tile other hand, if a part of it. but they both upset me: give me a self out of the simp aud sought another. put-u-out of pat!*'nee with the (’on-! ’ s not the inspired word of God. none fearful hendaehe. But what are you Kntenng he said. “I want a shampoo?! git ga tim ail elergv of Western Massa- P nt is the inspired word of God. In ! going to do y Must drink something." I intended to get shatnpnoned at th* ■]iiis»‘fts. A religion without a hell i* < religion at all. Christianity take- other words, no hell no heaven.    In    that wav I have -sp**k**ti t«> no less Our sainted father, who has bren than twenty men this very day. Ut the Uh New Testament as the guide hook I P^whing the revealed word tm forty twenty. fiftien said that drink always to heaven. Tliev accept it as the divine I ' ** ars ‘ :l ' I u*rti:il ‘o the hell doctrine as gave them a headache: one t mi ii owned nhd inspired truth. They all unite iii saying that, with the exception of a few shop where I get shaved, hut the barber made tun of my dirty head, and I flew into a passion aud came here. w hen* I knew I would bo treated considerately." I he burlier replied that if was strangt to the other, and we are not certain that, that “he loved the taste:" one said that were he to hear that Jill men alike en-j he drank because he was “blue."and limuvitive passage* it means just xxlet !    the    glories    of    heaven    without    tile    confessed that lie was “on a tear." and how rude some people could In*. As for if says. They all believe that Ghri-t ^ llols    "*°nld    not Im* seized didn’t care who knew it. It stands to himself lie was .alw'ays polite and get- was imrn. that he died to save sinners.    I     w5th r,l( ‘ sott Ied conviction that half the    j reason that this sort of thing must pro-    j    tlemanly to every one. lh had a most and that lie arose* on the third ,i ;i V J    Joys of his religion had vanished. We    j duce some impression on the human    .    excellent article of hair vigor which pcr- 'Fiiev have faith in all his glorious    !    ^“‘refotv insist that the clergymen of    form divine. The doctor- say that it    j    haps the gentleman would like to try ' promises of salvation, hut they cannot    |    ' Vestt ‘ rn Massachusetts reconsider their    | induces paralysis, indigestion, heaihiehe.    I    But the-cow! he received fVom the lsdieve in his tiireats of vengeance OM j vo ^ and pronounce hell a verity.    I rheumatism, and weakness of many j “gentleman" forever silenced him on' kinds. Not being a doctor. I don’t at- j the hair vigor them*■ tempt to indorse their opinion, but this 1    —--- vengeance on tin- unbeliever. Iii short, they believe just so much of the Irvine Law as happens to suit their fancy, and reject the balance. Now what is this hut a mild lorn: of infidelity ? It i- true they do not question the existence of a Supreme WHISKY. acquaintances occasionally take a nip. You meet a friend that has been aliment som© weeks, and after exchanging Being, hut they till hut scoff at certain j the civilities of the day, one or the other portions of hi- I >iviuc Law. They say | i- surijf* to say : “Let’s go and have t here is no endless punishment for the j something." They drop into the lienr-i ('penitent, n (♦ t w i t h -1; 111* I it j g tin ejx- est saloon, pour out a drink, shudder. l*rolml>lv4x out of even- ......  your    I     1    ' vil1    * ,y '     th:,t    m11 regular topers, not drunkard The 1878 Almanacs plic’t declaration of (’brist that "the wicked shall go away into everlasting po 3-1 i j ie! it.” Hell is mentioned iii the New i est,ament almost a- often as heaven. Hell is described as a bottomless lake of tire, which the wicked shall oc-upy nfter death. Heaven is described as a -Men-].avell city where the righted?- .-hall gather after crossing Jordan. Tin description of tile latter is con sidle ’ accurately drawn, and the religious bard- have for centuries past. and. will t* "• o furies to come. sing its glories auf’ beauties. But bell is considered overdrawn bv sonic fastidious Christi,!*-. They admit that there is a bell. bn they doubt God’s description of it. Ti ex think there must he some grave • rn* ’ in the passage about the rich man supering the torments of the damned. Thex think that passage is figurative— ti a* it was the rich man’s conscience, in-tead of the unquenchable lire, that tormented him. 'i’hey might, xx itll the -a 1 a consistency. say that t lie language descriptive of the happiness of the re-dei i ied and sanctified iii heaven is tig-iu;/ \e—Ilia the angel.- around the ti a ,e are tolerably happy, lait not so happy as the Bible would try to make thei a p|Hta I*. New. we believe the I ii bit* should be accepted just as it is. or ejected. If a part (it it is Divine; Law. the whole of It is Divine Law . God’s law is unUkeour human statutes—none of it can Ik* de-Ha ed unconstitutional and void. WJien-V puny man gets to questioning Hie truth anil justness of that law. then it is time ti* revive the inquisition—then it is finn to bring out yoni thumb-serews and other instruments of torture. In the good old days w hen the Christian star w|ts in tin ascendant, such a heresy as the one entertained by the Massachusetts elergymen would have been properly and speedily suppressed. It would not have had time to spread helen its originate'! would have suffered -low death at tile stake. Takeaway a man’s teal of Heil, aud \nu takeaway Ins love of God. lf a man has the unimpeachable word of litt\ -dye Massachusetts clergymen that ti* b»* found in the first-class saloons <>t New York to-day. it would Im- impossible ti* find a dozen men w ho w ill -ay that they drink because they are fond of liquor. They drink beeau-c it seem- ria to do. down it, hastily wash the taste out of the mourli with water, and attend ti* business the balance of the tiny with nj r< »aring headache. We have known meil to taken bottle of whisky along when going anywhere, and never fail to puke and gag when undergoing the fiery ordeal of drinking it; but still they w ill tell you that the expedition would have been a failure if it hadn’t been for the whisky. We have in ourmind a young man with w hom we occasionally went gunning, and we never could induce him to leave town without a bottle of firewater. Immediately on reaching the country, he would produce his Mask, throw nut his tolmeco. taken short pull. and then gag. spit. yell, swear and -lied tears for five minutes. After repeating the dose four or live times, lie would sax': “Lord, what a headache!" This reminds us of tin* experience of a New York Sun reporter, wilt* made this propensity in man to drink something they despise, a study. He says : “lieturning to the saloon I visited first. I ordered a lunch, aud was soon joined—I always am—by an acquaintance. who. of course, said: “What’ll you take?" Being in a taking mood. I said I would try a glass of rye. He took the same. Having said “How," and emptied our glasses, I said. “Bufo, what did you Hi ink that whisky tor? Do you like it ?" “No, I don’t like it. I am drinking too much. too. Guess I’ll pull up " “Well, tell me what did you on lei- it tor ?" “Why, for sociability’s sake. I suppose. What did you drink it for*?" “Because I wanted t*» ask just this question. Eve been looking at the fellows drink there. I believe that eight i*ut of ten drink just because they don’t like to say no." “Does it make your head ache to drink whisky ?" “Yes.’* “So it does mine. I swore off whisky aud took to beer, but beer makes me bilious.” I “Why drink anything?” “Hanged if I know, bnf we ni$ A Dirty Head there is a hope beyond the igrave, he I drink." xxiii not trouble himself ti* gel ti rough We wen* joined by ?*n actor. Being lie dropped into tile barber - chair with a sigh of relict, and told the barber to wade in.on that -tuble-fieid. The barber strapped hi- razor, lathered his customer’s face ami waded in. “Hazor hurt you much ?’’ “No; it does its work a- well as att improved reaper and mower combined.” The barber cleaned hi- stiibble-cuttcr. laid it away carefully, came back to the chair, elevated his customer to a sitting posture and commenced toying xx itll his hair. “Shampoo!*?" “No. thank you. my d**ar.' “ Your head is dirty." •T admit if." “Awful dirty." “I a know ledge I he tact “Excuse my warmth. Ii i- d—d dirty." “it needs not tit Argil- eye to discover at once the truth of that assertion. But." looking at the ha flier’s seaiitx locks, “I am not bald headed." “Nobody said you were." declared the barber, blushing rosily. “I hax'en’t got a had breath." “Do you mean to -ay. -ic. that I have ?’’ “And my lect done stink." ••Neither do mine." screamed tin* baHier. “And I haven’t got a pot a tell under my finger-nails." “’Tis false!" yelled the now thoroughly enraged knight of the lather- mug. “Ami," getting out of till- chair and squaring off’a la Slogan. “I am not a xxall-eVed. pug-nosed, -t. *< *p- -bouldered, lmmp-baeked. bowlegged, kliocked-kiteed, pigeon-toed barber that makc.-ftm of hi- customers’ heads." “I duet make fun of you “Hey! Wot! Didn’t you head was dirty ?” ‘•Yes. but I—” “I >id you. or did you : <>i, awful dirty?’’ “Certainly, but—' “Finally, did you not. in warmth, say it wa- h—f dirty?* 1 “I beg- 1 * —Some rn(*11 main tip-to} strangers. —Those win know least are the most posit iv t — Iii all eases ot I*>uhf. lean to'the thing I -He et merry —Three thousand -tuye^/r* visible t< the J,ake*I Wi —A spoonful ot oil will gc further iii in a rn ivt of viae.'ar —To-morrow I- the day'oft which lHit lure m ■ >rk !'<*,,Is rot*»CTi« —The world deal- good-naturedly with *0*1-in ta re* I peoj lr —No matter how rancid vour butter, i? anc be acute-wee? bv w < - J i i ? i _r —Too confide too much I- to put mu lemons into another mart'- -*civ'*/cr —11 oxv soon their min*!-   ting ria* • — Modesty In wfunan i her cheek —Out of tin Coli*!’- population !, ii . I * ’ 7 a ** »i * there r('nnlv'n , I‘",nat ]'i*o?i wa alien ll ll Si. 111! liki •ha tig* color on —M<! » nothing lorn girls ar, tm*- labor-saving I ber s;iye .ll th* tat** a hr Icing ax lux' X' it wa x' mr —Do-ft call y<air so?. mule, for he mc. re-pond that i mal* 1 if' c. > ha- in t-*-fur i lather —Don’t I*aget that it you accomplish alinit everyday, ii \v HI amount ?<• r good • leal in a ye ii' —Don’t try to tie happy. Bather go • juicily about your duty intl fli** -Iv nymph vv iii come to you —'J'I ie br «t way to imppoX’c xx.anan - lot is to bailli t lion-** *n it, intl p!C I .amil man in the Ii'Hi—c —Bats originally came from Norway, an't nobody woiihl have car***! ii th**v J»*i * * originally -taye'i then —It is Unieath the dignity gentle manhood to-peak in 'puck, ugh won vin-tony.- to a av ifi <*r chiblren —lopes mixes a little water becall.-!* ever-inc* tm ter tu-te- of *lrovvneil -it. cl - —Avoid the use of tire bogan oi - j i**ei*ti, for tin be- t mf!i that it wa - made to -mell with —H* >\v (I* k*s it come /hat a man cannot thank I md coffee vvi»ho:c dinging hi av * I * that he can <Irink had v%'hi-kv within,t ibu-in-On* oar-keener v —I 'odor Hall say- a per-*ai should go .to -lee I* with his face to the wall XVe-up-|*.»-* that's ?tie henlfhy wavy but the doctor must admit its very un-oc.i d*le —When a man is too lazy to work and too «*4 vvamly to ate.d, he-c- iii u lager beer -ah***!., frow ns f*mjii4'ti-l!. at me free ir w neh '•f>t : ti , • * ! con .ck- *    * * *    « on,cry st* mthin itt hi lehue I ice- J i Wa il i orig n •*

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