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Cedar Rapids Gazette (Newspaper) - December 8, 1974, Cedar Rapids, Iowa (Continued from Pago 1A) lies tackl see people putting together good relationships after Understanding, Respect The Cmttt: Sn., Pet. Many Groups Busy With Bible Projects there may have been a societal shift in the last yearorawo that allows a chance for better parent-child rela- As wo have seen, the antl-establlshment forces don't have cither." Sfeh'says It Is no more difficult to be a parent today than it was ten years ago, but, 20 to 30'years ago was a different matter. More Consensus "In; the he said, "there was more societal con- ingredients of good family life. Some time after World war II, there began to be more options, more skepticism and cynicism about the good life." Then, loo, he observed, concrete problems suclr as the Depression and World war .II brought people and families together. In affluent times, you have to search for your What, In Slch's view, is the most common error made by a parent? "Presuming what we expect of our children is rea- he replied. Children should be consulted more in the things that af- fect them, he said. "The school is powerful in teaching them to observe, think and test hypotheses." And the most common error of children? "They don't, in problem situations, give their parents credit for any desire to change so there will be understand- ing. There is always this cynicism about parents." Sieh noted that adolescence is a difficult period for many children. Childhood is over and self-awareness is setting in. The life task is now to become an adult. He said some parents may be under stress with their teenage children because they are subconsciously reminded of the problems they had during this period. Adolescence can be a time for interesting things and opportunities, he said, but those comfortable during these years usually have parents "who pretty well washed out the effects of their own adolescence'." Can a child and parent, split by hatred, ever hope to re- store love and respect for one another? "If a situation has built up for several years, then it will take a.long time to recover lost Sieh explained. "The. sooner a parent and child realize they arc on a bad track, the better. Healing Process Con Be Long "In some cases, the healing process must go beyond the level of new information and involve unlearning and relearn- ing to get rid of habitual notions and produce a neutralization of feelings. "The first order of he. said, "is to clarify whether or not the parent and child care for one another at all. If they do not or cannot, it is then perhaps better to turn to outsiders for Help." Clausscn said the communications problem is really a re- flection of the lack of parental knowhow. "Parents get so wrapped up in the business of society they neglect the busi- ness of learning to be a parent. "Consequently, when a child responds other than in total obedience, .the parent often doesn't know how to respond. They respond with anger or-muteness. And, so the barriers begin to come up. "There !s more negative reaction by the child and the communications block keeps building." That lack of communication and association, Clausscn be- lieves, has resulted in more child-parent alienation today. In addition, he sees changes in the Importance of religion in family life and the general moral fiber of Ihe nation as hav- ing a great deal to do with any breakdown in family life. "We have difficulties in both church-going and unchurched families, but the investment in religious parent- hood isn't there as it used to be." Smith said in, the two years he has worked with families, "I would'have'to'say the parents were not responsible people in most cases where there have been child problems. "This, is not to say they (parents) are bad but I really hold parents accountable for what happens. Parents generally create the situations in which children have to re- spond." Smith said some people are not able to be an effective parent for a certain child. "All have roles in the family, and sometimes a child is given the bad-kid role. You are the bad kid, so you have to live it out." He believes many parents are trapped by certain ideas of what they should be. His suggestion is to guard against being ''And parents, I think, are caught up in rapid social changes and it is difficult to keep up with 'what is a good parent today'." v j -Smith said schools and churches must pay more attention to educating parents; in understanding what a child is about. "It is not enough to just take certain moral injunctions into child rearing, but there is a need to really understand." "We train people to be welders, to lay bricks, but no one teaches, anything about being a parent. And most people are parents for about 25 years, and really don't have any idea of child development." He Emphasizes Consistency Smith emphasizes consistency in dealing with children. "It is ,better to be always straight-laced than straight-laced one day'and libertine the next. The worst thing is to give a child double messages." Dr. 'Williams was head of the family institute at Eastern Michigan university near Detroit before moving to rural An- amosa. The fact he made such a move, lie noted, speaks for his belief that a rural environment is a better place for his children to grow up than an urban one. '.'In metropolitan areas there are kids who really aren'l sure what daddy docs for a he said. "In rural areas, theyyan look out the window to see what ho docs. BOX-KAR HOBBIES 1000 Avenue, 377-9910 MON. TUES., THURS., FRI. 9t30-5i30 WEDNfSOAY 9-9 SAT. A NOON-4 SUN. SLOT CARS REG. NOW LAYAWAY HOW FOR CHRISTMAS "I think It's In large part a question of time spent to- gether, ul only wltk parents and kids, but In marriages. often there Just Isn't enough lime spent with one another." He also points out the importance the extended family plays In rural areas. Not only Is there substantial parental contact, but added support from grandparents and other rela- tives. All agree that there seems to be more acceptance in re- cent years for families to seek outside assistance when trou- ble comes. Claussen said his agency is doing much more family counseling than in the past. "1 think families are seeking out- side help because it is now okay to do it. Before, the knock- down battles simply led to total disintegration. "It has been slow in'coming, but there is growing sanc- tion by society that it is okay for families lo'ask for outside Help be it from the pastor, a relative, or agency." Lutheran Home Finding Society has started a new course, open to both couples considering marriage and those already married and parents. It is called a parent effective- ness training course. Clausscn noted that several churches have tried pre-Cana or other pre-marriage courses, but that some couples have been affronted by such programs. "But we must examine what marriage really means and what parenthood really said Claussen. "Matchbooks tell us to close before striking. You get Instructions for oper- ating a typewriter, a stapler. There are driver training cours- es. "We have had the false assumption for years that biology equals ability to parent." Sieh said some parents may bo comfortable ta talking out a family situation with a brother or sister. "I see no objection to seeking help on this level." He loo sees a trend of families seeking help from a third parly. "American society has laid it on parenls that they should be big successes. Instead of seeking help, some have simply resolved: "Gosh, I'm a big failure." LONDON so- cieties around the world are presently concerned with 617 scripture translallon projects, an Increase of 46 since 1972, says the British and Foreign Bible society. The great ma- jority of the projects are In the Asia, Pacific and Africa regions. First translations account for 358, or 58 percent, of the projects. more Garbage A ChrisfuNM fMM (Sure, we'll even gift wrap yovn) IN-SINK-ERATOR Installation and Tax BlSpOSOf Wachburn Plumbing Co. New Location: 415 2nd St. SW __________Phone 362-7453 _ Siege Is Real For South Americans By Martin Morcynolds BUENOS AIRES (UPI) A state of siege with the possi- bility of arbitrary arrest is a grim everyday reality for millions of citizens of South America. Argentina became the latest addition to the list of countries under a slate of siege last month. President Maria Es- tela (Isabel) Peron issued a decree suspending constitu- tional guarantees indefinitely in the face of persistent politi- cal violence that has killed more than 180 persons this year. Neighboring Chile has been under an extreme version of the state of siege ever since the armed forces overthrew Marxist President Allcnde in September, 1973. The Chilean military junta considers the country in a stale of Internal war; a nightly curfew is in force, congress has been suspended, polilical aclivilies banned and labor unions curbed. In Uruguay, special security measures similar to a slate of siege were adopted in 1969 lo fight Ihe Tupamaro guerillas and have been slrcngthened since. The government has been a virtual dictatorship since President Juan Maria Bordabcrry abolished con- gress in June, 1973, with the support of the military. In Brazil, the tough military government in power for more than 10 years has imposcc strict press censorship banned all but two politico parlies and exercised broai power lo jail citizens suspect cd of subversive activities. A state of siege has coverci part of Paraguay almos constantly since 1931. BollvU emerged July 28 from a six month stale of siege but Pros ident Gen. Hugo Banzer de dared a fresh period Nov. 7 li the face of an uprising in thi city of Santa Cruz. Unlike martial law, the slate of siege does nol' put tin country under military gov ernment but it means the cili zon loses the normal loga recourses against arbitrary arrest and seizure. Killian's Gift him with Famous Name Sportswear JOEL LONG SLEEVE SPORT SHIRTS These famous California-made shirts are of comfortable weight polyester. Solid colors; navy, brown, natural, tan, dark green or burgundy with top stitching for accent. Sport shirts are available in sizes small to extra large......................... 18.00-20.00 DAMON LONG SLEEVE TURTLENECKS Famous name brand turllenecks of solid colored rib knit. Fully cut for comfort. Machine washable for easy care. Choose from white, natural, black, navy, green, brown or light blue tones lo add to your present wardrobe. Medium to extra large .............16.00 Cedar Rapldn Downtown StrMt Floor and Llndale Plata Iowa Cityi Mall Shopping Center on Six at Sycamore Killians Sandals BY makers of merry THE ORIGINAL "GEM" Be dazzling for the coming holidays! 11.00 Jeweled sandals, especially right for Ihe holidays. Scalloped straps with square cut, multi-color gems hand-set In delicately etched mountings. Foam cushioned insoles, matching heels. In gold or silver. Cedor Ropldi: Downfown Third Floor and Llndalo lowo Cityt Moll Shopping Center al Six on Sycamore Killians Natural Go-Togethers Gloves and Casual Tote 13.50 DRIVING GLOVES 11.00 VINYL HANDBAG Nylon and leather gloves have action that relaxes hands. One size fits all. Block or camel solids. Navy with bone or navy with camel tones. Roomy tote has 3 zipper compartments and double handles. Black, navy, beige, red, tan or bone shiny vinyl. Cedar Rapid.: Downtown Street Floor and Lindate Plata Iowa Cltyi Wall Shopping Canter on Six at Sycamore THE KIUIAN COMPANY, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 5J406. Jean Joyce, Personal shopper: Please send me the following_________......ot__....... Please include 3% state sales tax and 75c for postage and handling. Name ....._..__.._____._____________________________ _ Address -.________._____.________________________....._ City..................... DCash Acct. No...............____ State D Charge Zip.... DCheck
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